Steerpike

Steerpike

Steerpike is The Spectator's gossip columnist, serving up the latest tittle tattle from Westminster and beyond. Email tips to steerpike@spectator.co.uk or message @MrSteerpike

Wednesday

Steerpike

Nick Clegg upstages Boris as the funnyman

From our UK edition

Take note of the date Tuesday 8 October 2013, for it was on this day a politician actually made a funny joke. Giving a speech at the fortieth birthday party for London’s talk radio station, Boris Johnson described LBC as the ‘the teaming womb of broadcast radio’, quoted Plato and labelled the Office of Deputy Prime Minister as ‘entirely ceremonial’. And the Mayor had cause to be needled by Clegg. The Liberal leader had just given a far funnier star turn. Recording a video for the party, Clegg lamented about his weekly radio call in on the station ‘I have to listen to people banging on about crime and immigration every week... that’s before I’ve even left cabinet'.

Tuesday

Steerpike

Austerity, what austerity?

From our UK edition

Where better to celebrate the launch of a book about Britain’s age of austerity than in the gritty surroundings of 5 Hertford Street, quipped Standard Editor Sarah Sands last night as she threw a party for the launch of Matthew d’Ancona’s In it Together. Luckily the Chancellor had already worked the room and ducked out early to head to Washington for the IMF meeting before the speeches. No doubt the opposition would love to see the snaps of the Austerity Chancellor mingling in Robin Birley’s latest nightspot...

Steerpike

Tony Hall hosts BBC version of Friends Reunited

From our UK edition

Mr Steerpike was sitting in the auditorium at New Broadcasting House, waiting for Tony Hall to unveil his plans for the BBC. Lord Hall was expected to announce further cuts to the corporation's vast bureaucracy, as part of an efficiency drive necessitated by the decision to freeze the licence fee until 2017. Mr S was, therefore, amused to overhear the following conversation between two BBC employees as they took their seats: ‘Hello Rodney.’ ‘Hello Charles.’ ‘Haven’t seen you for twenty years!’ ‘No. What have you been up to?’ Mr S wondered how many other members of the corporation were taking part in this version of Friends Reunited.

Monday

Steerpike

‘Stella Greasy’ and the enterprising Minister for Enterprise

From our UK edition

It’s been a mixed day for two of the pushiest MPs of the 2010 intake. Widely tipped for great things (usually by himself), Tory Matt Hancock has climbed another step of the ladder by becoming a minister of state. The former Osborne apparatchik has been appointed Minister for Enterprise, which may reflect his enterprising spirit. Asked recently where he got his ghastly watch (pictured above), Hancock replied: ‘from a pawn shop’. How very ‘in touch’. No such luck for Hancock’s ambitious equivalent on the Labour benches. Stella Creasy was expected to be promoted to the Shadow Cabinet.

Steerpike

Chris Skidmore: the eligible bachelor?

From our UK edition

Historian turned Tory MP Chris Skidmore will be hoping for something good in today's reshuffle, especially after he was bigged up by Michael Gove from the stage at the Tory Conference last week as an old friend and one to watch on the backbenches. Praising his former adviser’s brain, the Education Secretary added ‘and most importantly of all ladies, he’s an eligible bachelor’. Which will come as news to Skidmore’s fiancé.

Friday

Steerpike

Mehdi Hasan: Please, please, please can I work for the Daily Mail!

From our UK edition

Observe (above) one Mehdi Hasan in full flow on last night’s Question Time. Then look at the tweets below from the Mail’s Tim Shipman. Try not to cackle; it's rude. Mehdi Hasan, who so vociferously attacked the Daily Mail on Question Time, asked for a job in 2010 & praised the paper equally floridly — Tim Shipman (Mail) (@ShippersUnbound) October 4, 2013   @mehdirhasan to Paul Dacre, asking for a column: 'The Mail has a vitally important role to play in the national debate.' — Tim Shipman (Mail) (@ShippersUnbound) October 4, 2013   Mehdi Hasan told Paul Dacre: 'I admire your relentless focus on the need for integrity and morality in public life.

Thursday

Steerpike

Take 2 for Godfrey Bloom’s book

From our UK edition

Godfrey Bloom has finally rescheduled his postponed book launch. The Ukip MEP, who resigned after his unguarded comments at the party’s recent conference, was due to launch his book A Guinea a Minute in London, but the event was cancelled when the media scrum engulfed the Ukip conference. Well, the invitations have gone out again. They state very clearly that the event is ‘Guest List Only’ and that there will be ‘no pre-launch interviews’. Rather wisely, perhaps. And, as an added precaution, the event will be held in Yorkshire. It seems that the old boy doesn’t want us hacks to come!

Steerpike

Geordie Greig was in Manchester during Miliband memorial

From our UK edition

Just as the Miliband/Mail row was dying down, along comes the next tranche of fury — and more justified this time. Mail on Sunday editor Geordie Greig has gone into full damage-control mode (suspending two journalists and issuing a grovelling apology) after Ed Miliband complained that a MoS reporter had infiltrated a family memorial service yesterday to ask guests what they thought of the row with the Mail. Grieg was one of the many editors pressing flesh at Tory conference while the dirty deed was being done, wining and dining cabinet ministers. He may now wish that he stayed at home to keep an eye on his hacks. Greig is rumoured to be planning to succeed Paul Dacre as editor of the Mail, and soften the paper.

Wednesday

Steerpike

Does Michael Gove need spelling lessons?

From our UK edition

The conference is over but the mystery continues: are the Tories trying to help hardworking people or hard-working people? This, I assure you, has been the talk of the town, which is covered in slogans about 'hardworking people'. Mr Steerpike was unsure; so, having left his trusty copy of Chambers in London, he asked the education secretary, who he found skulking in the media centre after the PM’s speech, to adjudicate. Michael Gove was an unequivocal; an error had been made. ‘Austerity! We cannot even afford a hyphen,’ he quipped. Your correspondent thought that settled it. ‘You can trust Gove with spelling,’ he believed. But, alas, on returning home Mr S found that Chambers says… ‘hardworking’.

Steerpike

Tory take over

From our UK edition

No corner of Manchester is safe from the Tories’ attempt to plaster their conference slogan anywhere and everywhere.

Tuesday

Steerpike

Lynton Crosby is literally a sweetie

From our UK edition

The Mayor of London has been upstaged this year as the rebel darling of the delegates. Noting his new rival for attention - Nigel Farage - Boris charmed  conference goers by regaining a tale about Mrs Farage:  'I was so flattered and amused that I almost said yes – and then I thought, no, no!' Uncharacteristic restraint there, but I'm assured he was discussing an invitation to UKIP conference. As the conference season draws to a close the last of the parties go head to head - not the political ones but media knees ups.

Steerpike

Tory conference: for hardworking shoppers

From our UK edition

Normally party conference exhibitions are made up of stalls from special interest groups on high-speed rail, trade unions, campaigns for responsible drinking or real ale, and some confusing stands advertising big companies with a large TV in the middle. But every year at the Conservative party conference, delegates enjoy a shopping spree, as well as being chased down by someone with a petition clipboard.

Monday

Steerpike

Go on Bridget, now that Mark Darcy’s dead — marry Daniel Cleaver! #taxbreak

From our UK edition

Our world has been rocked by revelations that Bridget Jones — described as 'the world's most famous literary singleton' — is now a widow. Her ex-husband Mark Darcy has left her with two children and a life lived through social media. Bridget is now obsessed with a toyboy called Roxter, a 29-year-old she met on Twitter. Pull yourself together, Bridget! The solution is obvious to Mr Steerpike (oh all right! Lady Steerpike was my inspiration). You must get hitched to your long-time, on-again-off-again love interest, the devilishly endearing Daniel Cleaver. Here's why: 1). If Hugh Grant reprises the movie character, at least it will keep him occupied. #hackedoff 2). Getting married again might qualify you for David Cameron's new tax break.

Steerpike

Robbie Fowler’s simile was bad, not sexist

From our UK edition

Viewers of Saturday’s edition of Final Score on BBC 1 would have seen former Liverpool and England striker Robbie Fowler apologising (doubtless after a prompt from the voice in his ear-piece) for using the expression ‘like a couple of girls’. He was referring to Jan Vertonghen and Fernando Torres’s silly tussle during the 1-1 draw between Tottenham Hotspur and Chelsea, in which Torres was harshly sent off. Mr Steerpike is all for war on clichéd simile (and for telling preening footballers where to get off), but ‘like a couple of girls’ is not sexist. Fowler was picking at the pettiness of Vertonghen and Torres; he was not damning the massed ranks of the sisterhood or women’s football.

Steerpike

Tory MP wins the Game of Thrones

From our UK edition

There can only be one winner when you play the Game of Thrones. Any fan will tell you that. The victor, though, always comes as surprise: witness below Tory backwoodsman Alec Shelbrooke resplendent on the Iron Throne. The bombastic MP for Elmet, who is the Parliamentary Private Secretary to the Secretary of State for Northern Ireland, visited the set of the hit HBO series, which is being filmed in Ulster. He's been proudly flashing the picture around the conference bar. It's the closest thing to leadership speculation that I have picked up on, so far.

Sunday

Steerpike

Dave helps one hard working person

From our UK edition

Oh the joys of being a lobbyist at Tory conference. Holding court in the bar of the Midland Hotel, my spies tell me that the doyen of the old school spinmeisters, Peter Bingle, was caught off guard by a visitor paying homage at his table. 'Hello Peter, how's business?' asked the eager conference goer. 'Very well thank you, Prime Minister', came the reply. 'My fees have just doubled,' the jolly gent told me later in the evening. One hardworking person is happy.

Steerpike

Tory pale ale fail

From our UK edition

Are the Tories a little bitter about Ed's conference speech last week? Well, if their annual conference stunt is anything to go by they’re up for a bar fight. The Red Ed Lion Pub has opened in Manchester serving up such comedy capers as ‘Miliband Brown Ale’, ‘Extra Strong Union Ale’ and ‘David’s Bitter’. Party fund-raisers will be hoping that the delegates tuck in, and they'll be on hand on to take donations, like modern day versions of Napoleonic era army recruiters conscripting drunks in pubs. Mr Steerpike will report back on how they taste when he arrives at the conference; but he suspects that they might be a little flat.

Friday

Steerpike

Bond, progressive Bond

From our UK edition

Film fans look away now. Last night the latest author to add to the Bond legacy said that he did not think his version could work on the silver screen. Speaking at the Southbank Centre, William Boyd told fans that if he had wanted Solo to be made into a film he would have written sixty pages rather than over three hundred. The book, which fills us in on Bond’s World War II experiences, presents a more progressive Bond than previous incarnations. Boyd has Bond ‘walking down the Kings Road in 1969’, so the character had to change with the times. There was no mention of the word ‘girl’, either: ‘I don't like the term “Bond Girl”. These Bond women were dark, complex characters.

Steerpike

She lives on in our hearts and our wallets

From our UK edition

‘L'Angleterre est une nation de boutiquiers,’ said Napoleon, and now our greatest grocer’s daughter will be remembered with the highest honour this land can bestow: a shop. The Tories will open “Maggie’s Shop” at their conference and online. Think t-shirts and posters rather than milk and coal.