Matthew Lynn

There will be chaos at the ports. Only the occasional root vegetable will be sold in the supermarkets. The factories and farms will run out of workers, and the planes will all be grounded on the runway. We have yet to get an official warning about how the black death will ravage the land, or how cannibalism will make a comeback. But it may just be a matter of time. As we head into the New Year, and as our departure from the European Union, quite possibly without any form of deal, draws closer, the warnings will become ever more darkly apocalyptic. As 2019 starts, we still don’t have much idea what will happen with Brexit. We may grudgingly accept Theresa’s May’s deal.

Parliament is deadlocked. The cabinet is split down the middle and Brussels won’t compromise on the deal it has already offered to the Prime Minister. As the clock ticks steadily towards March 29th, there seems little way out of the impasse surrounding our tortured exit from the European Union. No one can agree on how to leave, or how to stay either. Against that backdrop, it is probably no great surprise that a second referendum is gaining momentum. It is at least a way out of the mess, and possibly a more decisive one than any of the alternatives. Theresa May has spoken out against that today, even if many of her Cabinet ministers are staying strangely silent on the issue. As the debate intensifies over Christmas, business and the City should support her in that stance.

The ports will be clogged up with lorries. The shelves at Tesco will be empty. Doctors will be rationing antibiotics, and the army will be called out to deliver food. As we approach the deadline for our departure from the European Union, as the Prime Minister returns empty handed yet again from yet another catastrophic round of negotiations in Brussels, and as the cliff-edge gets closer and closer, the conventional wisdom is that the pressure on Britain to agree to something – anything! – becomes more and more intense. And yet, as so often in the through-the-looking glass world of Brexit, that conventional wisdom is a bit off target. And not just by a little as it happens, but by 180 degrees.

There have probably been worse branding campaigns in history. Cadbury’s apparent attempt to drop the word ‘Easter’ from its egg hunts was a clunker of cosmic proportions. The launch of New Coke has found its way into the textbooks as a masterclass in how to trash one of the greatest brands in the world, and Nivea's 'White Is Purity’ campaign for its skin creams last year had to be dropped very quickly after the inevitable backlash. The attempt to sell a ‘No Deal’ Brexit is not quite up there with those disasters. But it is getting close. In truth, there is nothing terribly wrong with leaving the European Union without an agreement, and it might well be better than the alternative we are being bullied into.

The headlines will inevitably write themselves. The Bank of England backs Theresa May. The Prime Minister's beleaguered and precarious deal is the best of all the options available and the economy may well get through the next few months largely unscathed. Following the testimony this morning from the Bank’s governor Mark Carney, most people will pick up on the support he has given to the Prime Minister and his reassurance that the economy will survive our departure. And yet there were two more significant points that emerged from his testimony. The Bank is finally willing to concede that leaving without a deal wouldn’t be so bad after all. And just at the moment when not leaving at all has become a real possibility, the Bank has given up on it.

Collapsing retailers. A looming far-left government threatening nationalisation. And perhaps most significantly of all, our potentially chaotic rupture with our largest, closest and most significant trade partner. It doesn’t seem to matter what you throw at it, the British economy continues to be surprisingly resilient. Figures out today showed it expanded at 0.6 per cent in the third quarter, its fastest rate for a couple of years, and a rate which should keep annual growth at a more than respectable 2 per cent plus. That will come with all the usual caveats of course. It was helped by all the money we spent in the pub watching our boys do so well in the World Cup this summer, the pound was weak yet again, and much of it was financed by hammering our credit cards as usual.

The growth forecasts might be too optimistic. The economy may yet turn down, the pressure on public services will only continue to rise, and, most of all, leaving the European Union may yet turn into a catastrophe. The Institute for Fiscal Studies did not waste much time in branding yesterday’s Budget ‘a bit of a gamble’, with plenty of risks attached to it. In saying so, the IFS no doubt reflects the mainstream view in the economics profession and probably among the professional scribblers of the City as well. And yet the truth is that Philip Hammond didn’t take enough of a gamble.

A new interior minister. A new agriculture and culture minister. There wasn’t, despite some speculation, a new prime minister, but there will be lots of new fresh faces around the cabinet table. France’s dynamic young president Emmanuel Macron has finally re-launched his government after a wave of resignations in a bid to kick-start phase two of his term of office, restore some order to an increasingly chaotic administration, and, probably not co-incidentally, to rescue his tumbling poll ratings. The trouble is, his real problem is not the team around him. Nor is it his style, or resistance to his reforms, although both might cause controversy. In fact, it is becoming painfully obvious that France’s real problem is the euro.

Free university for students. Free shares in your company. And now plenty of free time, with one day less in the office or the factory every week. The shadow chancellor John McDonnell hasn’t quite gotten around to promising free Krispy Kreme doughnuts in every shopping mall, abolishing fees for Sky Sports, or handing out Uber vouchers for everyone. But heck, there are still at least three years to go until the next election. It may only be a matter of time. McDonnell’s latest wheeze for buying more votes is a half-promise to reduce the.standard working week from five days to four. Apparently, with the rise of artificial intelligence, and the onwards march of robotics, we won’t need to spend so much time at work.

Schools will finally get a bit more money. Nurses and policemen may at last get a proper pay rise. Local councils can stop scratching around to see if there are any services left they can still cut and the Chancellor may even be able to lighten up budget day with a minor tax cut or two. As Theresa May used her speech at the Conservative party conference to announce the ‘end of austerity’, departments all over Whitehall were no doubt busy thinking of new ways they could spend the money that is about to be released. The politics of that decision might well be fine. A decade after the financial crash, and the huge deficits that came with it, the process of relentlessly cutting public spending has become exhausting. The economics are okay as well.

A couple of years ago, I was driving from Athens airport to the Peloponnese along the sparkling new highway that connects the two. I had never driven in Greece before, and was slightly nervous of how the Greeks might be on the road. As it turned out, there was nothing to worry about. Not only are they courteous behind the wheel, and far more so than most of their Mediterranean neighbours, but more importantly the road was completely empty. The reason? There is a toll. It is only about six euros to drive the length of the country, but hardly anyone, even the truckers, can afford that. They take the old roads instead. There are lots of different ways of illustrating the scale of the economic catastrophe that has unfolded in Greece over the last decade.

The Gherkin would be re-zoned as social housing. The Walkie Talkie would be turned into a massive TK Maxx with a couple of fried chicken shacks at ground level. Canary Wharf would be paved over and turned into a giant trampoline park, while houses in the better parts of Chelsea and Notting Hill would fall in price so much that just about anyone could buy them again. When the UK voted to leave the EU, it was confidently predicted that the City of London would be wiped out, with the loss of tens of thousands of jobs and billions in tax revenues. And what happened? According a report by the City of London Corporation, due to be released in September, the number of jobs lost might be as low as 5,000, and will probably be no higher than 10,000. Five thousand.

Both the Brexit and and Foreign Secretaries have resigned. The Chequers agreement, if that is the right word, looks about as enduring as the latest relationship on Love Island. The Prime Minister is staggering so uncertainly from one option to another that even Donald Trump’s advice over the weekend seemed almost sane. The UK’s strategy for leaving the European Union, insofar as we ever really had one, is in tatters. Big Business will no doubt respond to that with calls for a softer and softer Brexit simply in the hope of getting something in place before March next year. We will hear a lot about cliff edges, and the dangers of a collapse in the economy.