Mark Wood

‘No, Tom, you didn’t win. The race just happened to finish when you were at the front.’

‘I know all children follow social media influencers, but Robert Jenrick?’

‘We’re spending the day with my Dad – he gets lonely on his own.’

‘Take me to your fat jabs.’

‘They’re not very inclusive.’

‘I forget, are we living with you, or are you still living with us?’

‘Well, we can work to address this feeling of shame, or you can just sell the Tesla.’

‘What do your parents feel about us moving in together? Have they got room?’

‘We need a photo for proof of delivery.’

‘Hunt Easter eggs? Can’t we just use Deliveroo?’

‘I was sent to Hell, but it was affecting my mental health.’