Lloyd Evans

The plot to shoot Diane Abbot dominated PMQs. The Tory donor, Frank Hester, reportedly said that the MP for Hackney North inspired violent thoughts in him, and made him want to ‘hate all black women.’ Sir Keir Starmer asked if Rishi Sunak was happy to be bankrolled by someone who harboured fantasies about gunshots and bullet wounds. Rishi replied in kind and trotted out insults like ‘scum’ and ‘Nazi’ that have been hurled at the Tories by Labour members over the years. He pleaded for tolerance towards his financial backer. ‘He has rightly apologised. And that remorse should be accepted.

Jeremy Hunt is the spotty, speccy geek who doesn’t wear specs and doesn’t have spots. But ‘geek’ is very much Hunt’s brand. He’s a gangly, uncool type who, for no reason whatever, is as tall as a basketball player. In his Budget he set out to promote Continuity Conservatism, and spoke as if this were a mid-term financial plan from a steady-eddie Tory administration. He kept saying ‘since 2010’ as he boasted of Tory achievements that go back 14 years. He claimed that ‘800 jobs’ had been added ‘every day’ since the Conservatives took power and he said that they'd hired ‘250 more doctors and 400 more nurses for every month we’ve been in office.’ He fired off easy shots at the rowdy Labour benches.

Sir Keir Starmer’s advisers have very short memories. At PMQs, the Labour leader mocked Liz Truss for visiting America to ‘flog a new book in search of fame and wealth’. He jeered at her suggestion that ‘the deep state’ had sabotaged her career, and he put it to Rishi Sunak that the Tories have become ‘the political wing of the Flat Earth Society.’ Sir Keir forgets that his predecessor, Jeremy Corbyn, is far more embarrassing than Liz Truss whose premiership was over in less time than it takes to eat a toffee apple. Corbyn was Labour leader for four years and Sir Keir was one of his favoured lieutenants. Rishi couldn’t believe his luck. Here was an opportunity to remind the world of Corbyn’s worst offence.  ‘He called Hamas our friends,’ said Rishi.

The big issue at PMQs today was the motion calling for an end to hostilities in Gaza. In itself this is extraordinary, bordering on the outright barmy. The British mandate in Palestine expired in 1948 but many MPs seem to imagine that this troubled corner of the Middle East is part of their constituencies. The derangement is strongest on the left where people who disparage everything the Empire once represented seem to pine for its reinstatement as soon as they find a hotspot they want to rescue. Some commentators wondered if ‘Batman syndrome’ would strike Sir Keir Starmer but he refused to don the cape and tights today. Instead he opted for the lawyer’s wig. Starmer’s goal was to duck out of talking about Gaza early and avoid turning it into a headline issue.

He strutted into the middle of the studio in dark slacks and a creaseless white shirt. Nippy, zestful, ready for anything. Rishi Sunak submitted to a public inquisition on GB News last night and he looked like the guy who warms up the crowd for a motivational speech by Tom Cruise. But Rishi was the headline act. And he was desperate to prepare us for another administration run by Rishi. His opening remarks covered his ‘five priorities – your priorities’ and gave him a chance to quack out his current favourite soundbite, ‘stick with this plan or go back to Square One with Keir Starmer.’  He sounded hesitant and unsure when he added, ‘I’m going to win the next election’ Then it was over to the public.

‘Apologise!’ This was the bogus battle-cry that rang out repeatedly at today’s PMQs. Rishi Sunak was asked to genuflect to his enemies and show contrition for fictional sins. The trouble began when Sir Keir Starmer told us that the mother of Brianna Ghey, a transgender girl killed in February, was present in the public gallery. ‘As a father, I can’t even imagine the pain she’s going through,’ he said, strangely placing himself at the centre of somebody else’s nightmare. Sir Keir, unaware of what was about to transpire, then mounted a routine attack on Rishi's unfulfilled pledges. The PM called this ‘a bit rich’ coming from a Labour leader who had broken ‘almost 30 promises.

The row over Richard III rumbles on. Disability groups have objected to the Globe’s forthcoming production in which Michelle Terry will take the lead. The able-bodied Terry, who happens to be the Globe’s artistic director, has apologised ‘for the pain or harm that has been caused by the decision for me to play Richard III.’ This carefully worded statement gives the impression that some external authority reached ‘the decision’ to award her the role but was that really the case? Casting decisions at the Globe, she goes on, are made ‘rigorously’ and ‘always in dialogue with members of our many communities.’ One of the 'communities' she seems to have ignored is the fellowship of white male actors for whom the bulk of Shakespeare’s parts were written.

Let’s hear it for Phil. The unexpected hero of PMQs was an Iceland employee in Warrington (referred to as ‘Phil’, no surname given) whom Sir Keir Starmer held up as a victim of Tory fiscal mismanagement. Doubtless poor Phil had no idea his personal circumstances were about to dominate today’s parliamentary punch-up.  The session began as a typical ding-dong between the party leaders who accused each other of lies, failure and incompetence. Sir Keir asked Rishi Sunak to detail the costs faced by a typical mortgage-holder with a fixed-term deal that expires this week. To the surprise of no one, except Sir Keir, Rishi rattled off the precise figures. So Sir Keir ruled Rishi’s unanswerable reply out of order.

Sir Keir’s spin doctors have been enjoying clips of Tony Blair’s performances as opposition leader. In the mid-1990s, Blair took aim at John Major with this, ‘I lead my party, he follows his.’ At today’s PMQs, Sir Keir tried the same judo-throw on Rishi Sunak. ‘I’ve changed my party. He’s bullied by his,’ he said. Less smooth, somehow. The session was dominated by facile insults and awkward name-calling. Sir Keir wants to depict Rishi as a pampered globalist who spent the 2008 financial crash in the banking sector, ‘making millions betting on the misery of working families.’ At the same time, noble Sir Keir was putting ‘terrorists and murderers’ in jail.