Gareth Roberts

Gareth Roberts

Gareth Roberts is a TV scriptwriter and novelist who has worked on Doctor Who and Coronation Street. He is the author of The Age of Stupid substack.

Paddington shouldn’t have been given a passport

From our UK edition

Paddington has an official passport. The makers of the new Paddington film Paddington in Peru revealed this in passing to the Radio Times today.  They needed the passport for scenes in the new movie, presumably showing Paddington clearing customs on his journey back to darkest Peru. So they approached the Home Office for a facsimile, which is odd in itself, given that any decent prop hand on a film set can rustle one up for you – one that will fool a camera, anyway – in half an hour.

The TV industry should be worried about AI

From our UK edition

ITV are searching for an ‘AI expert’ to ‘create TV shows, films and digital content’, and to use this possibly baleful new algorithmic technology for ‘character development’ and ‘ideation’. The successful applicant will be ideating away for a tidy salary of up to £95,000 per annum.  AI could be a game-changer for TV and film, and not the good kind as far as workers in the industry are concerned. It’s taken a long while for technology to mount a serious threat to the sector, though its knock-on effect has been one of the big reasons that the quality of TV and film has declined in recent years.

The unspectacular joy of quiz shows

From our UK edition

Quiz shows on TV – the kind you can join in with at home by shouting the answer at the screen, rather than panel games or tests of skill – seem to be surging with renewed popularity. At its peak last year, Pointless drew in over 7 million viewers, while The Chase averages 3 million viewers an episode and as recently as last week 3.8 million people tuned in to watch The Weakest Link. Although they’ve been an embedded fixture of television since its inception, quizzes with at least a component of general knowledge involved are taking up more and more of the schedules.

Where has the erotic film gone?

Sexy time at the cinema is becoming a thing of the past. That’s according to research on the prevalence of vices in top live-action films from film maven Stephen Follows. His study shows that drug taking and violence are as popular on screen as ever in the twenty-first century. Profanity has dipped only slightly, but sex has dropped off a cliff since the year 2000. We used to love what they used to call a steamy blockbuster. I came of age in an era where the “erotic thriller” — 9½ Weeks, Fatal Attraction, Basic Instinct — were the box office draws, in which big stars lost their drawers. Comedies like A Fish Called Wanda, Green Card or When Harry Met Sally relied on frisson and fizz for a large part of their appeal.

erotic

Thank God for Elon Musk

From our UK edition

Like many people this weekend, I couldn’t tear myself away from videos of the booster rocket of Elon Musk’s Starship shrieking back to earth, to be clutched in the giant ‘chopstick’ arms of a towering metallic cradle. I must have watched it now about 50 times from varying angles. The most impressive are the videos recorded at a distance on ordinary phones. The thing thunders down like a missile launch on a strip of film run backwards, and there’s a tantalising moment at the very end where you think it’s going to miss. Then it rights itself with a neat little manoeuvre, like an Edwardian gent straightening his cravat before he steps into his club.  Starship rocket booster caught by tower pic.twitter.

Why is Gary Lineker worth all the bother?

From our UK edition

There’s been another development in the wearying saga of Gary Lineker, the over-salaried presenter of football on the BBC and banal takes on Twitter/ X. An email leak suggests that a draft BBC statement preparing to announce his departure from Match Of The Day is in the works, but he has laughed this off on screen and told a reporter to 'f-off' in the street.  I strongly suspect that not a single viewer would be lost if he departed from Match Of The Day The leaked message, seen by the Daily Mail, purports to be from the broadcaster’s director of sport, Alex Kay-Jelski, and features a statement announcing the former England striker’s departure after 25 years presenting the iconic show.

Doctors and the trouble with the BBC

From our UK edition

The BBC's daytime soap Doctors will soon vanish from our screens after 24 years. But while the final episodes make for excruciatingly bad television, they are worth watching for a simple reason: they encapsulate everything that is wrong with modern television. The BBC's obsession with ramming progressive storylines down viewers' throats is plain to see in each episode of Doctors. Take the character of Dr Graham Elton (Alex Avery); he's a rotten bigot and, in case you didn't realise it, viewers are reminded of just how awful and unsound his views are in almost every scene. From BBC medical soap opera Doctors. A new doctor, Graham, has joined the surgery. He's ableist and clumsy about homosexuality.

How doom scrolling changed TV for ever

From our UK edition

Are you one of the growing number of ‘second screen’ television viewers? For all too many of us, it seems that watching one screen just isn't enough; modern technology and, in particular, our obsession with looking at our phones has so addled our brains that plenty of us fiddle with our mobiles while ostensibly ‘watching’ TV. Two thirds of people watching TV now do so while browsing their mobile phones, according to a study in the United States. Being glued to our phones certainly ruins the magic of television It's tempting to react to this news with Olympian disdain; what has happened to people that they need two screens to keep themselves amused? But feeling smug and pious isn't an option for me; I'm as guilty of 'two screening' as the next addict.

Will things really get better under Labour?

From our UK edition

Labour's honeymoon didn't last long. Keir Starmer won power less than three months ago with a vow to 'change Britain'. But the Labour government's missteps over the last few weeks – not least the ongoing row about freebies – makes it hard to distinguish life under Labour to what came before. ‘Vanity snappers’, free posh frocks and taking thousands of pounds of hospitality tickets while telling voters that hard times are coming: what did Starmer expect voters were going to make of this politically toxic combination? Taking 'unpopular decisions,’ as the Prime Minister pledged to do, sounds good, but the trick is to present these in a way that makes you seem steely and determined, not – as with the winter fuel payment cut – as cruel and nasty.

Fans have ruined Wodehouse and Monty Python

From our UK edition

Why do we decide something is not for us? This is a question I’ve been pondering as I’ve got older, and started to take a liking to various cultural products that I’d previously marked down – in some cases, for decades – as absolutely unpalatable. Is this a sign of a maturing, more tolerant palate? Maybe – but I think it’s mainly because the fans of some (it turns out) very good things that you might well enjoy can really put you off. If you have cultural bugbears, I recommend checking on a few of them, every now and again For decades – even though he was recommended over and over again by friends, and by writers whose work I really liked, and latterly by Amazon algorithms – I avoided the novels of P.G. Wodehouse.

When will EU flag wavers get the message?

From our UK edition

Arguing about the last night of the Proms is as much of an annual tradition as the music itself. Usually this hubbub has something to do with it being the very last place, or occasion, where people sing along with a straight face to ‘Rule, Britannia’. This year though the storm revolves around EU flags being confiscated by Proms' security staff. There is nobody more committed to the EU than a certain type of British Remainer What seems to have sparked the flag crackdown at the Royal Albert Hall on Saturday was a gathering outside by a pro-EU campaign group called ‘Thank EU For The Music’. Ten thousand EU flags were dished out to lucky ticket holders.

We’re being ruled by a 1980s left-wing student elite

From our UK edition

We are now governed by people who were left-wing students in the 1980s and early 90s. This is one of those facts that you try to forget, like getting older in general, but which – occasionally, suddenly – hits you in the mush. It’s fine in the normal run of things but every so often I remember that these left-wing students are in power and I get a rush of panic and horror, and emit an (internal) scream.  Eighties student Tory haters have matured into Labour politicians and Labour’s useful idiots I was a student then as well you see. Gold Label at 50p a bottle in the Union bar. Pamphlets, pamphlets, photocopied pamphlets, everywhere. And what a soundtrack.

There’s no shame in being ‘weird’

From our UK edition

Are Conservative politicians 'weird'? A series of focus groups carried out by More in Common suggests that voters – particularly in seats won by the Lib Dems – find elected Tories increasingly strange. It's hard to disagree, but this isn't the party's only problem. Who cares if a politician is weird? As the Tories battle it out to elect their new leader, the reality is that hardly anybody out there recognises any of the candidates. The one that rings the most bells is Priti Patel. This is because, as anybody who has ever worked in marketing will tell you, she possesses an alliterative name. Tom Tugendhat also scores here, but loses because his surname is unfamiliar to most people outside Westminster and also impossible to spell. By such tiny things are careers made or destroyed.

What Carol Vorderman gets wrong about the TV industry

From our UK edition

Carol Vorderman has given a speech to the Edinburgh Television Festival, in which she complains that the TV industry is too middle class. This is a bit like rocking up at an Elvis convention and saying that Elvis was overrated rubbish. But she still got a standing ovation. Vorderman has merely reoriented herself to where the money is – performative spluttering about the Tories ‘After 14 years of austerity and lying by the privileged political class,’ she told her adoring throng, ‘this country is in an absolute mess and the TV industry must accept part of the responsibility for that too, including the riots.’ Who knew that the TV industry was responsible for people running amok and setting fire to public property?

Why the ‘sensibles’ aren’t happy now the Tories are gone 

From our UK edition

I have to confess that, like many other commentators, I thought that the coming of the Labour government would mean – at least for a bit – that things might get a little quieter, at least on social media. I was quite looking forward to that. But it all seems to have got even madder.  This century has brought many wonders, but the sight of Carol Vorderman criticising somebody else for being overpaid for their TV work – that’s surely the most stupefying of them all When Twitter first materialised in the late noughties under a Labour government, it was – honestly, straight up – a quite sociable place. People pottered about on it, in an innocently affable manner, despite the pressing issues of the day.

The tyranny of twee

From our UK edition

The horrific murders in Southport earlier this month were followed by horrific riots and horrific counter-riots. But fear not. Because then the official account of Paddington Bear tweeted, ‘Perhaps it’s time for a little more kindness’. At times of wickedness, disorder and the worst of humanity, what do we 21st century moderns look for to save us, to bring comfort and hope? The redeeming power of Christ’s eternal love? Maybe the enduring core of human dignity in the face of human evil? Nope. We have a whimsical, passive-aggressive CGI teddy tweeting with furry opposable digits. What next, posters reading ‘Less arson, more yummy scones’ or ‘Don’t turtle a cop car – it’s wine o’clock’?

Should civil servants be allowed to wear inappropriate clothes to work?

From our UK edition

Does His Majesty's Government have a policy on civil servants wearing fetish clothing in the workplace? It's not the sort of question you'd expect to find in the rather mind-numbing list of written inquiries asked by members of the House of Lords. But Baroness Jenkin, who is still waiting for her answer to that question, was at it again this week: she wanted to know if Keir Starmer's administration considered 'Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism to be a protected characteristic within the meaning of the Equality Act 2010’. Isn't democracy a wonderful thing? If you think this bust-up is something that can only happen in the civil service, think again With no context or background to these queries, many people were baffled.

Just Stop Oil and the secret power of the middle class

From our UK edition

Just Stop Oil isn't what it was. When a handful of protestors from the environmental group tried to block a departure gate at Gatwick Airport this week, they failed miserably. It wasn’t much of a protest: they just plonked themselves down and adopted the traditional JSO expression: a stance of neutrality aimed at looking noble and martyrish but, in reality, comes over as suggesting they are mildly constipated. Embarrassed air travellers merely stepped over them, although one traveller did speak for the nation by suggesting that they reconvene elsewhere, using a two-word expression, one of them composed of four letters. The power of the middle class to charm officers of the law endures The seven protesters were, after a while, arrested and removed from the scene.

It’s not nice hearing your own voice

From our UK edition

‘Do I really sound like that?’ is how people invariably respond when they hear a recording of their own voice. Or they used to, anyway. Your own voice was something you heard a lot but never actually heard from the outside. But in the age of voice memos, podcasts and TikToks, we are much more likely to have to hear our voices. It was eerie to hear my voice reading words I would have sworn I hadn’t said from just a minute before I recently read the audiobook of my new book, Gay Shame – all eight and a half hours of it – so I was confronted with vocal reality on a grand scale. I still sound fresh and flush in my own mind, so the obvious – that I sound old now, because I am old now – came as a surprise.

Has the Olympics opening ceremony finished yet?

From our UK edition

The 2012 British opening ceremony has sadly become a shorthand for nostalgic Remainy twee. But la grande débâcle in Paris last night brought back with a jolt how magnificent it was.  The creators of Paris’s opening ceremony were faced with a challenge: how to convey, in capsule form, the history and culture of France, a comparatively small nation that has provided such riches over the centuries – transcendent beauty, epoch-defining philosophy, a motor of  artistic innovation and sophistication. They decided to go for something else entirely.  A peculiar introduction to the BBC coverage from actor Tom Hiddleston was an early warning sign that something was askew.