Cockburn

'Honestly, there should be themed debates,' Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wrote on Twitter last night. 'Doing so educates the public far more on issues & actually serves the purpose of distinguishing who knows what they’re talking about +who doesn’t. Climate debate. Foreign policy debate. Healthcare. Racial justice. Labor&Econ. Can’t hide.' While the ninth DNC debate proved livelier than the previous eight combined, Cockburn can't help but think the New York congresswoman has a point, even if she did borrow it from former candidate Jay Inslee. A single topic, chosen from one of the key tenets of the Democratic platform, would certainly add some much needed focus. But AOC's ideas for topic areas seem a bit...lame. 'Labor&Econ'? What a snoozefest.

When Cockburn heard that Harry and Meghan had trademarked ‘Sussex Royal’ in preparation for franchising themselves to a grateful American public, he went straight to Harry and Meghan’s modest country cottage — restored by the taxpayer shortly before they declared their ‘financial independence’ — and went through the trash. What he found was a right royal scoop: the handwritten product list for Sussex Royal. It’s treason to run this in the UK, but the Spectator USA HQ has been outside the jurisdiction of Harry’s grandma since 1776, so here goes:Eau de Markle™A sophisticated ladies’ perfume containing extracts from Meghan’s sweat glands.

Hours after Donald Trump tweeted a threat to target ‘52 Iranian sites’, some of them ‘at a very high level & important to Iran & the Iranian culture’, Cockburn met an Iranian exile source at the Moby Dick House of Kabob, Connecticut Avenue, Washington, DC. The source took Cockburn’s order and then slipped a tiny piece of paper no bigger than a grain of rice into Cockburn’s baghali polo. As baghali polo is a rice dish, Cockburn didn’t know this until he’d eaten it. It took 24 hours to recover the message. When Cockburn read it, he realized that he was holding the president’s target list.The first five targets are listed here.

What was the most entertaining part of the first day of Donald Trump's impeachment hearings? Was it George Kent's twee but tragic bowtie? Ambassador Taylor's podcast-worthy tone? Adam Schiff claiming he didn't know who the whistleblower was? Frankly, there weren't too many moments to choose from. Which is perhaps why Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona decided to make his own fun. Read the first letter of each of his tweets from the proceedings... https://twitter.com/RepGosar/status/1194708768149430272 https://twitter.com/RepGosar/status/1194698583922098177 https://twitter.com/RepGosar/status/1194693002872184837 https://twitter.com/RepGosar/status/1194689552004321287 https://twitter.com/RepGosar/status/1194676222300696576 https://twitter.

Cockburn hears that the spunky youths of the alt-right are growing up and setting aside childish ways, or at least not masturbating themselves to pop-eyed apoplexy over online porn for a few weeks. As if the onset of winter isn’t depressing enough, it’s No Nut November once again.For the uninitiated, or for those who’ve moved out of their parents’ basement, No Nut November is perhaps the toughest challenge the modern manchild will ever face: an entire month without watching porn or bashing one out over the keyboard. It’s Lent for millennials: 11 months of meaty devotions at the shrine of Onan, one month of remorseful purging of the hard drive.

Bill Maher once called Milo Yiannopoulos the 'young, gay, alive Christopher Hitchens.' Now a few years removed from his stint as a Breitbart editor and shunned by polite society for some unorthodox comments about pedophilia, the right-wing provocateur is trying to start a new life among furries — a vibrant community of individuals who are interested in anthropomorphic characters and bestial fetishism. According to Yiannopoulos’s Telegram, he has registered for a furry convention called Midwest FurFest. The event site explains FurFest is 'an annual convention which takes place in the west suburbs of Chicago, Ill.…to celebrate the furry fandom, which includes art, literature and performances based around anthropomorphic animals.

Bedbugs are, according to the University of Kentucky, 'small, brownish, flattened insects that feed solely on the blood of animals.' The common bedbug has been known to bite 'warm-blooded animals, including dogs, cats, birds and rodents'. Now we can add 'professors who are mean to the bedbug on Twitter' to that list. An internal memo was circulated around the New York Times yesterday regarding a bed bug infestation. Upon the news breaking, an associate professor at George Washington University called Dave Karpf tweeted the following joke about NYT columnist Bret Stephens: https://twitter.com/davekarpf/status/1166094950024515584 Innocuous enough, right? WRONG. A few hours later, Karpf posted 'This afternoon, I tweeted a brief joke about a well-known NYT op-Ed columnist.

So, you’ve been accused of sexual misconduct. You’re officially hashtag canceled, laying low, plotting your return to glory. How do you pull off the comeback? Do you try and slip back in unnoticed like The New York Times‘s Glenn Thrush? Do you go on a literal apology tour around the country like comedian Aziz Ansari, performing a routine about how much you’ve learned from your experience? Neither of those approaches was good enough for Mark Halperin. For the former NBC News correspondent, who was accused of, among other things, rubbing his clothed erect penis on some young female staffers and propositioning others, the smartest way back has a few stages. First, issue a general apology, while denying a couple of the allegations, and don’t direct one at the women involved.

The internet is making us all madder. A Facebook event created last month encouraging people to 'Storm Area 51, They Can't Stop All of Us' has accrued over two million attendees. Now, following the deeply convenient suicide of Jeffrey Epstein Saturday, a successor is hot on its tails. A newly-formed page is inviting internet crazies to 'Storm The Clinton Estates’ with the motivational message: ‘They Cant Suicide All Of Us' [sic]. The date is set for the same weekend as the Area 51 storming (so don't double-book). The joke event alludes to a conspiracy theory popular in the MAGAsphere: that Bill and Hillary Clinton are somehow responsible for the deaths of various people who have been in their circle at some point.