Cockburn

Absent from most headlines on Wednesday was the egging of California recall candidate Larry Elder during a trip to the cockroach-infested district of Venice Beach in LA. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PakVQjHPOyg Less than a week before Californians decide whether or not to sack Gov. Gavin Newsom, Elder's campaign thought it would be a great PR opportunity for the candidate to tour the homeless cesspool of Venice on Wednesday. The visit started with a warm boomer welcome from supporters outside a Gold's Gym as Elder stepped off his black-and-red campaign bus. Things took an unexpected turn when a large group of wet-brained granola munchers and resident crackheads confronted Elder and his convoy as they made their way through Sunset Avenue's dilapidated neighborhood.

It was supposed to be a welcome break from serving as the Biden administration’s stooge. Instead of being the mascot for the Biden administration’s busted border policy, Kamala Harris would get a pleasant little trip to Singapore and Vietnam, to shore up her foreign policy experience just in case, God forbid, the Democratic party has to actually rally behind her as president. But instead of gaining experience, Harris has to worry about US diplomats being shot with a laser beam, or something. Yes, that’s right, the latest incident of Kamala’s ill-starred vice presidency is an outbreak of Havana syndrome. US State Department officials announced that it was investigating a 'possible anomalous health incident’ in Hanoi, the preferred euphemism for the mysterious disease.

It’s a national disgrace, a catastrophe nearly two decades in the making. In a just society, everyone involved would be severely punished, but in the fallen state of modern America there will be no consequences, only more humiliation. Cockburn refers, of course, to Twitter, that monstrous invention where America’s politicians, journalists, ‘experts’, and ordinary people compete with one another to see who can be the most profoundly pathetic, unimpressive, and cringeworthy. Naturally, the ongoing debacle in Afghanistan allowed every player to put in their best performance.

The American right nominally has the support of half the country, but it is its own persistent self-inflicted curse that it appears far weaker and smaller than that. Despite having more than 70 million voters, the right struggles to get them outdoors holding a sign for virtually any cause. At the drop of a tweet, 5,000 liberals can be mustered in almost any city for even the most insane of causes: abolishing police, abolishing Trump, abolishing the internal combustion engine, pretty much anything. If you can think of it, a liberal has probably marched over it. Conservatives, on the other hand, are rather languorous even for important issues and those that directly impact their lives. Cities turning into vast homeless camps? Illegal immigration?

The prodigal son returns without his pants. Hunter Biden, the male heir of the 46th president, was caught hanging brain with a prostitute, again. The creeps over at the Daily Mail obtained the video which was recorded in January 2019. In a chyron, Fox News described the footage of Hunter as ‘new’ and ‘shocking’ — but frankly it’s neither. In the clip, Hunter recounts how he lost a laptop filled with his raunchy sex tapes while passed out in a pool. According to the Daily Mail, the conversation occurred after Biden and the unidentified woman had sex. So romantic. And you thought your pillow talk was awkward. 'They have videos of me doing this. They have videos of me doing like fucking crazy [expletive] sex [expletive],' Biden said in the video.

Caitlyn Jenner's Twitter account is having an identity crisis. It’s not particularly rare for a political campaign to create fake social media accounts to drum up ‘organic’ support online. If anything, it’s a dark open secret. What’s rarer, however, is when a campaign is caught in the act. On Tuesday night, Jenner replied to her own tweet with a message that suggested another Twitter user wrote it. The wannabe California governor first ran into trouble after calling out the current governor Gavin Newsom on Twitter. Jenner responded to a tweet that opposed the state’s recall saying, 'Why? Do you want more unemployment? More from? More illegal immigration bringing COVID? Schools closed? BS! Forget #GavinNewsom.

The Andrew Cuomo groping scandal has finally claimed some scalps. Just not, at the time of writing, Andrew Cuomo’s. Instead, it is #MeToo’s enforcers who are being struck down. On Monday, Roberta Kaplan, chairwoman of Time’s Up and founder of the group’s legal defense fund, submitted her resignation. Kaplan had worked closely with Cuomo’s staff during the investigation, and reviewed a draft op-ed that was intended to disparage the character of Cuomo’s first accuser Lindsey Boylan. On Monday, she was denounced in an online open letter (as people are these days), and her painful public penance came mere hours later. Kaplan’s client, senior Cuomo aide Melissa DeRosa, resigned as well.

Forget about Hunter, where's Joe? Biden took a long weekend at his Delaware retreat but hasn't been seen since Saturday after a round of golf and evening Mass. The White House did not release its normal weekly guidance to reporters on Sunday so they could be prepared for the President's movements, nor did it release a full schedule for the President on Monday, instead calling a lid before noon. Biden had a meeting bright and early at 10 a.m., but we don't know what he did today after that. Perhaps Biden finally taught Major not to defecate on the rug or bite the help — who knows! https://twitter.com/warddpatrick/status/1424755624416534533?s=21 The move shouldn't shock anyone familiar with the 46th President's living habits.

Masks and COVID tests are here to stay for kids returning to school in LA. On Thursday, the Los Angeles School District announced it would require all students and employees returning for in-person instruction to wear a mask while on the premises and participate in weekly COVID testing. These terms will apply to vaccinated and unvaccinated individuals alike. At the height of the pandemic, Los Angeles County had the highest concentration of COVID deaths and hospitalizations in the state despite strict mask mandates. At the time of writing, Gov. Gavin Newsom has not reissued these requirements despite new worry from the CDC over the Delta variant. His recall election is just weeks away, and a recent poll indicates the race is tightening.

What is it about Donald Trump that his closest associates seem to all go irredeemably insane? On Thursday, the CEO and chief priest of MyPillow Mike Lindell announced that he is suspending his advertising on Fox, 'immediately and indefinitely'. This is no minor boycott or tiff. MyPillow and Fox News are tethered together like no sponsor and sponsee since Michael Jordan spiritually merged his consciousness with Nike. Lindell claims his firm bought $50 million in ads on Fox in 2020, meaning he supplies almost two percent of Fox’s revenue. Fox doesn’t just market Lindell’s cushions, but also his life: the channel has aired the ad for his self-published memoir, What Are The Odds?