Cockburn, Author at The Spectator

Friday

July 21, 2023

Cockburn

Revealed: who gets to ask the White House questions?

An official guide to covering the White House created by the White House Correspondents’ Association confirms that Karine Jean-Pierre is intentionally selective about which media outlets she calls on at White House press briefings. The document, last updated in March 2023, notes that “the current press secretary has indicated she prefers not to call on people who are standing.” Of course, the seats in the briefing room are assigned by the WHCA and mostly reserved for left-leaning legacy media outlets — particularly the first few rows. Anyone else looking to get a question in is probably better off staying home... Tucking in to Tucker Fox News may have gone cold on him, but Tucker Carlson’s biographer Chadwick Moore sure knows how to put on a spread.

Cockburn

DeSantis doubles down in war on Bud Light

Cockburn has witnessed firsthand how many Americans are opposed to corporations forcing them to fund radical, progressive ideologies. His fellow barflies are still shunning Bud Light months after the Dylan Mulvaney sponsorship SNAFU that saw the company’s stock values plummet. Yet, as tired as many Americans may be of Woke, Inc., Cockburn senses voters are growing just as sick of Governor Ron DeSantis talking about it. DeSantis took to Twitter this morning to announce, “We’ve kneecapped ESG in Florida. So I’m calling for an investigation into AB InBev’s actions regarding their Bud Light marketing campaign and falling stock prices. All options are on the table and woke corporations that put ideology ahead of returns should be on notice.

Thursday

July 20, 2023

Cockburn

Francis Suarez’s Messi debate stage ploy

As Miami mayor Francis X. Suarez looks to dribble onto the presidential debate stage in Milwaukee, he’s raffling off front-row tickets to soccer superstar Lionel Messi’s American debut to anyone who Venmo's his campaign a single dollar — but campaign finance experts warn that the gimmick could pave the way for an influx of illegal foreign cash. Suarez is shooting his shot, banking on Messi’s star power more than his own to vault him past the required 40,000 donors the Republican National Committee is requiring in order to debate. https://twitter.

Tuesday

July 18, 2023

Cockburn

The advent of the crackpot flyer

Cockburn hates to admit it, but whenever he gets on a plane he starts praying. He's not afraid of flying — so much as his fellow passengers. The news cycle over the summer months has done little to rid Cockburn of his prejudices. Just yesterday it was reported that a business class passenger on a transatlantic flight was harassing other passengers because he didn’t receive his preferred meal. The man didn’t stop there. After exiting the plane when he had forced it to land in Chicago, instead of its intended destination Amsterdam, he then harangued the airport staff. The videos from the flight show the passenger going on a rant that involved cursing out his fellow travelers and calling flight attendants “douches.

Monday

July 17, 2023

Cockburn

Could the Hollywood strikes be the final straw for Meghan and Harry?

#UNSUSSEXFUL is trending on Twitter, referring to what Meghan and Harry have reportedly labeled a bout of “bad luck.” A few weeks ago a source claimed that the pair were feeling helpless after their three-year-long quest to reinvent themselves had failed, blaming “the pandemic, financial crisis and family deaths." Now, Cockburn is hearing that they could have found another scapegoat. According to reports, the ongoing strike in Hollywood could affect Meghan and Harry's Netflix deal. The pair, who signed a rumored $100 million arrangement with the streaming platform in 2020, are reportedly finding it "tough" to move forward with their projects due to the simultaneous writer and actor strikes that have halted production across Hollywood.

Friday

July 14, 2023

Cockburn

Handsiness or assault? Fondling in the post-#MeToo era

“If I wanted to, I could have had sex with people all the time,” said Kevin Spacey in court this week. Cockburn isn’t sure how the disgraced actor thought that would land during his cross examination for his London court case, where he pleaded not guilty to a dozen charges that include sexual and indecent assault counts and one count of causing a person to engage in penetrative sexual activity without consent. During his time in the witness box, the House of Cards actor had his final chance to convince jurors that he never assaulted anyone. The outcome of this case could affect whether he’s able to make a career comeback after sexual misconduct accusations. It isn’t exactly going swimmingly so far.

Cockburn

Is Kamala right about airplane bathrooms?

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day — and Vice President Kamala Harris may have finally met her moment. The immigration-czar-slash-voting-rights-activist-slash-common-sense-gun-safety-proponent is also now taking some work off transportation secretary Pete Buttigieg's plate as he wrangles infant twins. "This issue of transportation is fundamentally about just making sure that people have the ability to get where they need to go," Kamala said of her new issue set Tuesday. First up? Expanding tiny airplane bathrooms. "The majority of domestic flights do not have accessible restrooms. This is absolutely unacceptable," Kamala tweeted. "Our administration will soon announce a solution to help end this inequity." https://twitter.

Cockburn

Biden’s bougie brunch lid

Get in loser, we’re going to brunch! The Biden White House is proving its liberal bonafides by eschewing “lunch lids” in favor of the much more elite — and very DC — “brunch lid.” The White House typically calls a temporary press lid for a couple of hours each afternoon. This is a period of time where there are no public events on the president’s schedule and everyone in the press corps is allowed to rest and recharge. Previous administrations were big on calling these “lunch lids,” but due to the pause on activity starting earlier in the day and the Biden admin just being bad and bougie, “brunch lid” has become the new favorite term.

Thursday

July 13, 2023

Cockburn

Is Christina Hendricks the latest Ozempic tragedy?

First, it was rumored, and denied, that the Kardashians were on it. Then its usage spread all the way to Elon Musk. But now, are we seeing the real, tragic consequences of Hollywood's favorite slimming drug, Ozempic? Cockburn is devastated to hear of speculation that Christina Hendricks, also known as Joan from Mad Men, has succumbed to the latest celebrity trend. Hendricks, arguably the epitome of Rubenesque beauty in Tinseltown, caused alarm among fans online after posting a photo to Instagram following a dinner earlier this month. https://www.instagram.com/p/CuQszp2u_-M/?

Wednesday

July 12, 2023

Cockburn

Little-known singer keeps hating on Taylor Swift’s ex Matty Healy for clout

You’d think that British-Japanese singer Rina Sawayama would muster up some new material for her concerts. Instead, for the second time in a month, she took the opportunity to “call out” 1975 frontman Matty Healy on stage, for laughing at a joke somebody else made months ago. How 2023! During her set at NOS Alive in Portugal on Saturday, Sawayama went on a rant during her performance of “STFU!,” her song about “dealing with microaggressions.” “So I’ve been thinking a lot about apologies. Isn’t it funny how some people get away with not apologizing ever?” she said. “For saying some racist shit, for saying some sexist shit? So let’s try this: why don’t you apologize for once in your life without making it about your fucking self?

Cockburn

Notre Dame’s professor of Sesame Street sues student journalists for ‘defamation’

Never trust a scholar of Sesame Street to know her legal terminology. Tamara Kay, a sociology professor at Notre Dame who studies the TV show's cultural transfusion around the world, is suing conservative student publication the Rover for its coverage of her abortion activism. Kay claims that two of its articles contained “defamatory and false statements.” The only trouble is that the Rover seems to be able to prove that what it published about Kay is true — and the paper has the receipts. Alas, another case of the decline of the American intellectual? The feud between the two began in 2022 when the Rover published an article on Kay’s comments at an abortion panel.

Tuesday

July 11, 2023

Cockburn

Desperate GOP candidates hatch schemes to reach debate donor threshold

They say that necessity is the mother of invention, and we are seeing that truism play out in real time with what C-list Republican presidential candidates are doing to qualify for the presidential primary debates. While it’s increasingly unclear if former president Donald Trump will even appear on the debate stage himself, candidates such as North Dakota governor Doug Burgum are trying something new out: paying people to recruit more donors. The routes being taken by these also-ran candidates are slightly different. America Strong & Free PAC, which is backing former Arkansas governor Asa Hutchinson, is offering to make some small-dollar bundlers contractors by paying them for every new donor they recruit, Cockburn can first report.

gop candidates donors asa hutchinson doug burgum

christina aguilera 2003 vmas britney madonna

Cockburn

Christina Aguilera is the real winner of the 2003 VMAs kiss

It is nearly twenty years since the most iconic moment in modern music history: when Madonna, aged forty-five, made out with two women nearly half her age on the MTV Video Music Awards stage. Britney Spears, who was twenty-one, and Christina Aguilera, twenty-two, were pounced on in front of millions of television viewers, along with an uncomfortable looking Justin Timberlake and Guy Ritchie. Two decades later and Madonna would likely be canceled for sexual harassment, with Britney and Xtina offered therapy and a book deal to “speak their truth.” But in August 2003, Madonna pulling off a garter from Aguilera's leg, frenching Spears and then giving Aguilera a smacker on the lips was a standard Saturday night watch.

Monday

July 10, 2023

Cockburn

Caitlyn Jenner insults DeSantis fan’s man boobs

The Trump-DeSantis Twitter wars are raging on — and now some real celebrity is involved. Caitlyn Jenner, the transgender woman formerly known as Bruce, previously said in 2021 that she would support Donald Trump if he ran for president in 2024. The Olympic champion in the decathlon also said in an interview in April that the country needs an "alpha male" like Trump in the White House. The DeSantis camp drew the ire of Jenner and other LGBTQ+ Republicans with a new ad attacking Trump for various statements he made in support of Pride month and trans people using the bathrooms of their chosen gender.

Caitlyn Jenner attends the Pre-GRAMMY Gala (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for NARAS)

Cockburn

Is Prince Harry America’s sweetheart?

Prince Harry is like a cat: apparently he has nine lives. Despite his three-year campaign to become the most privileged victim — after stepping down from the British royal family to focus on a “new charitable entity” and then signing multi-million dollar deals with streaming platforms, not to mention making the last years of his grandmother’s life a living nightmare — the people of America apparently still prefer the whining brat to his brother Prince William, the future king. According to a new poll by YouGov, Prince Harry was liked by 48 percent of Americans, and disliked by 24 percent during the second quarter of 2023. This gives him a net approval rating of +24.

Friday

July 7, 2023

Cockburn

Latest New York Post Hunter ‘exclusive’ raises more questions than answers

The New York Post was censored by Twitter and Facebook after breaking the Hunter Biden laptop story in October 2020, despite the fact that the story was true and not, as some claimed, “Russian disinformation.” Now the Post is doubling down in exposing what the newspaper calls “the Biden family criminal enterprise” with an exclusive, but, as far as Cockburn can tell, unsubstantiated video of Gal Luft, whom the Post asserts is “a key would-be witness on Biden family corruption.

Cockburn

How movie execs are ruining comedies

Adam Devine, the star of the hit television series Workaholics and new Netflix movie The Out-Laws, recently gave some insight as to why comedies are hardly ever made by movie studios anymore. Devine appeared on the most recent episode of comedian Theo Von's podcast, This Past Weekend, where the pair discussed the downfall of comedy in movies. Devine, who also appeared in the Pitch Perfect series, surmised that high-budget superhero movies made comedies and other low-budget films less attractive to viewers spending money on theater tickets. He and Von also pointed out how movie executives try to force political and moral messages into their content — and that there is no longer "funny for funny's sake." "There's no hidden message," Devine said of his new movie.

Cockburn

Can robots replace journalists?

The case against Kamala’s coke The latest twist in the White House cocaine saga sees NBC News clarify that the substance was found in an entrance area “near where some vehicles, like the vice president’s limo or SUV, park.” But Cockburn isn’t convinced of Kamala’s credibility as a possible culprit. Just listen to the Veep at the Essence Festival this week: https://twitter.com/Breaking911/status/1677092627567595521 Well, I think culture is... it is a reflection of our moment in our time. Right. And... and... and... present culture is the way we express how we’re feeling about the moment. And... and we should always find times to express how we feel about the moment. That is a reflection of joy because, ev- you know. It comes in the morning (laugh).

Wednesday

July 5, 2023

Cockburn

Who left their cocaine at the White House?

After party at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? The New York Post reported Tuesday morning that a substance found in the White House’s West Wing this weekend tested positive for cocaine. Cockburn, who won't complain about this massive win for federal drug legalization, only wants to know who would leave such an expensive substance at the White House. It's a total mystery. Secret service agents found the white powder during a routine round of the White House on Sunday evening while President Biden and his family were away at Camp David. The complex was evacuated at 8:45 p.m. as fire and emergency crews were brought in to investigate the substance. “We have a yellow bar stating cocaine hydrochloride,” a DC firefighter stated in a radio communication at 8:49 p.m. Sunday.

Cockburn

Bill de Blasio’s wince-inducing separation announcement

Has Bill de Blasio become Bill de Blasé? Details regarding the former New York City mayor’s so-called “non-divorce” from Chirlane McCray, his lesbian wife of twenty-seven years, seem weird. For instance, their “trial separation” involves them continuing to live in the same house while they date other people. Still, compared to the headline-grabbing track record of de Blasio’s life, this latest revelation made Cockburn yawn. Even the way the couple arrived at the decision, “after another stale Saturday night of binge-watching television at their Brooklyn home,” is disappointingly run-of-the-mill.