World cup

It’s middle-class commentators – not supporters – who seem obsessed with the number of black players There were altogether too many darkies in England’s World Cup Squad for me to take any pleasure in their moderate achievements out in Russia. They did not represent me. I learned this via the Guardian in an article by a man called Steve Bloomfield who insisted that the team represented only the 48 per cent of Britons who voted Remain, because there were too many ‘players of colour’ in the side for the likes of us gammon-faced scumbag racist Leavers. Also, they were young. Apparently we ‘don’t usually like’ these kinds of people.

It was only a matter of time. The headteacher of a primary school in Ilfracombe in Devon has banned ‘Flossing’, the dance craze linked to the video game Fortnite, on the grounds that it’s being used to ‘intimidate’ other children. ‘Fortnite is about mass killing of other human beings and being rewarded by a dance of celebration if you are successful,’ she told the Telegraph. This is the latest example of the moral panic surrounding Fortnite, a video game in which up to 100 players compete against each other, either individually or in ‘squads’, to see who can be the last man standing.

Is it coming home? If it is, don’t expect all the home nations to welcome it. In Scotland, the dismal grunt of ‘Anyone but England’ (ABE) is the balm that soothes our aggrieved wee souls. It’s never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman watching England do well and even the most fleeting flicker of sunshine. Every four years — in fact, anytime England steps onto turf for an international — the worst kind of Scot is to be found cheering on the other side, whomever that happens to be. If the Three Lions drew Hannibal Lecter FC, chianti and fava beans would outsell Tennent’s and square sausages overnight. These bitter bouts of Wee Man Syndrome might seem connected to the ascendancy of political nationalism north of the border.

Paul Mason wasn’t the only England fan celebrating last night’s World Cup win over Colombia but he is perhaps one of the more surprising. The journalist-turned-left-wing-revolutionary was pictured with St George’s crosses emblazoned on both cheeks taking to the streets of south London. https://twitter.com/paulmasonnews/status/1014259782096687109?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw But Mr S. was somewhat surprised to see Mason's apparent change of heart. After all, this is the same Paul Mason who wrote in the Guardian in 2015: ‘As an English person I would like to declare up front: I do not want to be English’ After being asked to explain this, Paul Mason helpfully clarified on Twitter: https://twitter.com/paulmasonnews/status/1014264132818829315?

But on the down side…... 1. Still too little quality and threat from open play. 2.  Raheem Sterling is very short of confidence for someone with a bad muthafucka AK47 tattooed on his leg. 3. The defence can still be horrendously dilatory and loose. As we saw with the Panama goal and three times in the first half when we gave the ball away pointlessly. 4. When Jordan Henderson tries to pass it forwards rather than sideways, it always goes out of play. I think it’s important that when your team wins 6-1, you sift through the entrails for the bad points. On the other hand, this is England’s best start to a world cup since they invented the world cup. Unless you count West Auckland.

Here’s a question: name some famous Belgians. Well there’s Kevin De Bruyne, Vincent Kompany, and Eden Hazard. And if that’s not enough, there’s Romelu Lukaku and Dries Mertens; not forgetting Toby Alderweireld and Thomas Vermaelen. Or Mousa Dembele, Thibaut Courtois, and Marouane Fellaini. If all goes well England will still be in with a chance of making the last 16 of the World Cup when they meet the mighty Belgians — not a line you see very often — in their final group match in exactly two weeks’ time. England have, arguably, only one star of similar status: Harry Kane. But I’m less convinced than I was a few weeks ago that England are bound to lose this match in Kaliningrad.

During a riveting session at the Cheltenham Literary Festival with sporting brainboxes Mike Brearley and Matthew Syed, discussion touched on the Ringelmann effect. This is the tendency for members of a group to perform less well together than individually. Old Ringelmann observed it in tug-of-war in the early 20th century. On their own the athletes pulled a big weight. In a team they grunted, grimaced but didn’t pull so much. They were skiving; sheltering behind teammates. You can bet Ringelmann would be rubbing his hands over the state of the England football team. After a seemingly interminable World Cup qualifying campaign full of the dreariest football imaginable, England flopped across the line for Russia.

Disastrous decisions by Fifa are nothing new. But yesterday's announcement by football’s governing body that it will expand the World Cup from 32 to 48 teams in 2026 marks another depressing low. The logic is that more teams will now get an opportunity to play on football’s biggest stage. A noble sentiment, perhaps, but this is a half-baked plan that should worry football fans. The huge imbalance in the quality of football on display at the tournament is one of the main troubles with expanding the World Cup. England fans are accustomed to watching their team play our dismal 3-0 victories against the likes of San Marino and Malta at the qualifying stage. But once the tournament starts, you expect to find your side up against high quality opposition.