Skype

When my husband died last month, I was as prepared as a person can be. Howard had been afflicted for many years by early-onset dementia and that, as we all know, is a one-way street. What I was totally unprepared for was the lockdown factor. Could we even have a funeral? Yes, we could, as long as we adhered to some rules. And would I like the ceremony live-streamed to those unable to attend? Well yes, I suppose I would. The offer of live-streaming solved my biggest problem. Howard was an American who had lived for many years in Europe. He had family and friends who couldn’t possibly travel to be with us in person. But all they needed was a Skype account and they’d be able to witness and feel part of the whole 20-minute, socially distanced ceremony. Perfect.

All dressed up with nowhere to go? You might just be one of the self-isolating singles meeting a potential new beau via video chat. Those unlucky enough to be quarantined without a significant other during the coronavirus crisis are seeking companionship (and killing boredom) by swiping incessantly on dating apps like Tinder and Hinge. But what do you do once you have a match? Social distancing recommendations have effectively killed grabbing a coffee or cocktails, and texting can only take a budding relationship so far. Instead, tech savvy youngsters are hopping on Skype, Zoom or other live streaming video services to determine if their sofa sparks are the real deal. Look, first dates are pretty awful.

Video conferences are like all business meetings — 95 percent pointless and usually arranged and dominated by some self-important twerp. Still, humans attach strange importance to management habits and, now that we are living in the age of the coronavirus, many of us will have to do a lot more video conferences for work. Ever the public servant, Cockburn has compiled the following guide to video conference etiquette. 1) Dress Cockburn prefers formal attire, yet in times of isolation, the rules can be relaxed. Nudity is too much, no matter how matter impressive one's physique. Pajamas are a no-no, too. Sporting a kaftan on the call may make you feel like a charismatic tech billionaire dialing in from Mustique. But everybody knows you aren’t — so put a shirt on.