Monarchy

Steerpike particularly enjoyed this close-up.

The astonishing level of enthusiasm over the birth of the new prince goes far beyond the pleasure that people naturally feel for an attractive young couple who have had a healthy child. If there is any truth at all to these estimates in the North American media that trinkets and other bric-a-brac, and even increased numbers of tourists, will produce hundreds of millions of pounds for the British economy, the answer lies not just in normal goodwill and the effusions of the most strenuous monarchists. If my memory is accurate,  the last time there was so much public interest in a royal event, albeit of the exactly opposite nature, was at the death of the newborn prince’s paternal grandmother, Diana.

Prince Charles told it like it is when he was hijacked by the royal baby press pack this morning: ‘Absolutely nothing at the moment, we're waiting’. Others, though, are not so patient. The BBC is excelling itself: this is a royal occasion so it must provide hours of vapid commentary, conveyed in hushed tones. It’s a thankless task, as newsanchor Simon McCoy made clear on air: 'Plenty more to come from here, none of it news of course, but that won't stop us... Let's speculate, because that's all we can do.' Over on Sky News, Kay Burley is the real queen of days like this: ‘I asked how many centimetres…but they said it's not the kind of info they give out’.

Commenting on the imminent royal baby, Brenda, who is set to become a great-grandmother again, seems overwhelmed with joy: 'I hope it arrives soon because I'm going on holiday.'  Classic Windsor coldness.

Mr Steerpike is a romantic at heart and a conservative, so I like love and marriage. Yet I was irritated by one detail of the nuptials of Lady Melissa Percy and Thomas van Straubenzee (pictured), dubbed the ‘Royal Wedding of the North’ at Alnwick Castle, which took place this weekend. It was quite a bash. Prince Harry was caught between two blondes, when his ex and latest squeeze came face to face. Prince William (who was Best Man to his childhood friend van Straubenzee) was flying solo after the heavily pregnant Duchess of Cambridge decided to stay in London lest she be forced to give birth in a northern NHS hospital. The horror, the horror! Pippa Middleton was tottering about with princesses Beatrice and Eugenie.

I am on my first ever visit to Sweden and enjoying it greatly. My idea of this country had recently become rather confused. I used to picture it as a social democratic paradise, a tolerant, law-abiding welfare state in which everyone was a good and caring citizen. But then came the Wallander television series and the Stieg Larsson books and films in which Sweden was portrayed as a country in which violent crime was rife and corruption, sadism and perversion held sway. The reality, as I have experienced it over the past few days, has neither upheld nor discredited either of these stereotypes.

I wonder what Prince Charles makes of the fashion for abdication? Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands and the Pope are both vacating the seat of power before shuffling off this mortal coil. Perhaps the old Lupin-whisperer imagines his destiny is close. Royal chatter reaches Mr Steerpike that someone at Clarence House recently commissioned a private poll on the public’s perception of senior royals. I hear that they were delighted with one pearl amongst the grit: Prince Charles is the most popular Prince of Wales ever. Funnily enough, the living population had little recollection of how previous heirs apparent conducted their public duties; smiled as they opened leisure centres; worked the room; or treated their spouses on awkward trips to India.

There has been much hilarity in the wake of the abdication of Queen Beatrix. The obvious comparisons between Willem-Alexander of Orange and our own Prince Charles have been laboured elsewhere; but I was reminded this morning of the Queen’s response to the another Dutch abdication in 1980. The story goes that Her Majesty’s Press Secretary telephoned her to report that Queen Juliana had just abdicated, to which Brenda replied: 'typical Dutch’, before promptly hanging up. Seasoned Royal watchers will know that Elizabeth frowns on abdication, not least as a dereliction of duty, but also due to the impact it had on her own father.

Ask not where I was when I heard that the Duchess of Cambridge was pregnant, ask rather where I was when Miss Khloé Kardashian, of the Californian Kardashians, shared her views on the joyous news with the world: ‘Congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge!! A royal baby!!! :) awwww so sweet’. Not to be beaten, our very own Cheryl Cole quickly joined in the orgy of cooing: ‘I'm sooooooo excited that we're having a royal baby !!!!Congratulations to Kate and Wills !!!!!!’ Everywhere there is a celebrity, Piers Morgan is quick to follow: ‘Congratulations to every magazine editor for calling Kate Middleton's pregnancy - especially those who did covers on it 11 months ago.

It is no secret that the Prince of Wales is a plant-whispering greeny; but the precise nature (and bias) of his ministerial lobbying is to remain secret. Republic, the gloriously self-important but sparsely supported campaign to boot out Brenda & Co, have been using Freedom of Information laws to expose what suggestions Prince Charles has made to government; but their attempts have been blocked, ironically, on grounds that publication would damage the future king's claims to impartiality. The revolutionaries claim: ‘The Attorney General’s decision is all about protecting Charles and the royal family from scrutiny, putting his demands above the rights of the British people.