MAHA

I tweeted the other day that my social life in Trump’s DC is just getting dinner or drinks with a different Dr. Strangelove character every week. It sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s not. Not really. Every week brings its own apocalypse – and the cast of characters responds accordingly. Find here a taxonomy of DC types: Dr. Strangelove (The theorist) The end of the world approaches and only the strong will survive it. Hands trembling slightly from too much caffeine and suppressed grandeur, he (it’s always a he) declares his grand theory of the world in so many words. Women, of course, will be spared. Perhaps you, too, will be counted among the lucky ones. Oh, you’re over 30? If you just read a little more Spengler. Learned a little more about semiconductors.

Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. did not say, in yesterday’s cabinet meeting, that circumcision causes autism. But the fact that we’d even consider that a real statement shows just how far down the rabbit hole into the MAHA Wonderland of his mind RFK has dragged us. In fact, RFK said that after doctors circumcise boys, they give them too much Tylenol, and that causes autism. President “Don’t Take Tylenol” responded, “there's a tremendous amount of proof or evidence. I would say as a non-doctor, but I've studied this a long time.”  A non-doctor is right, and I say this as someone who’s not a fan of male circumcision, a practice based on dated religious superstition.

“DON’T TAKE TYLENOL,” the President advised pregnant women, forcefully, in the Oval Office yesterday afternoon, because his Administration now says that acetaminophen causes childhood autism. Trump said it at least a dozen times. Also, he said, don’t give Tylenol to your children after they get a shot. Speaking of shots, President Trump said, kids shouldn’t get their Hepatitis B vaccine until they’re 12, because Hepatitis B is a sexually transmitted disease. In addition, he recommends breaking up the MMR vaccine into three separate shots, because that’s a lot of liquid. “It’s a fragile little child and it looks like they’re pumping it into a horse,” he said. It was a typically eccentric Trump event. The main three speakers were Trump, RFK Jr., and Dr. Oz.

Casey Means, President Trump’s nominee to become the next Surgeon General of the United States, describes herself on her stylish website as a “medical doctor, writer, tech entrepreneur, and aspiring regenerative gardener who lives in a state of awe for the miracle of existence and consciousness.” Big points to you if you had that on your Second Trump Era Bingo card, but it really shouldn’t be a surprise if you were paying attention during the campaign. Dr. Means is a close friend and ally of Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., and gave a series of extraordinary interviews during the campaign, most notably with Joe Rogan and Tucker Carlson, where she talked about the “chronic disease epidemic” in America, particularly among children.

Gwyneth Paltrow may be set to pass her celebrity-everyone-loves-to-hate crown to another out-of-touch elitist. The Goop founder and queen of outrageous “wellness” hacks has announced – gasp! – that she’s begun eating like the rest of us. Paltrow has followed a Paleo diet for years – meaning she cut out virtually all culinary joy for the sake of eating like a cavewoman, though I assume she did more gathering than hunting. Yet on her Goop podcast last week, Paltrow announced, “I’m a little sick of it if I’m honest. I’m getting back into eating some sourdough bread and some cheese. There, I said it. A little pasta. After being strict with it for so long.” Paltrow’s foray into normal-people food is serendipitous; or perhaps it’s ingenious timing.

Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s program to Make America Healthy Again (MAHA) appears to be ahead of schedule. At the start of the month, the burger chain Steak ’n Shake announced that it would be frying its food in beef tallow rather than seed oils — and other major restaurant groups are following suit.This week, Kennedy, who hates seed oils and processed foods, rewarded Steak with an almighty PR stunt. He sat down with Fox News’s Sean Hannity to enjoy a burger (Hannity had two) at a branch in Florida. “People are raving about these French fries,” said JFK’s nephew. “They’re amazing,” Hannity agreed.It remains to be seen if the “RFK-ing” of fast food will achieve substantial results.