Jeremy clarkson

There was a time not so very long ago when the most common complaint about Christmas was that it had become too commercial and that its Christian significance was being forgotten. Since then the decline in religious belief in Britain has grown so much that the secularity of Christmas is taken for granted. It is effectively a pagan festival now. According to the Church of England, only about one million people, or around two per cent of the population, still attend church on Sundays (though about twice that number do so on Christmas Day).

Earlier this year Mr S reported how Jeremy Clarkson got on stage at a glitzy charity auction and told the audience that the BBC were ‘f—ing b—–ds’. Happily, during the expletive-filled rant over his Top Gear suspension he also managed to raise £100,000 for the Roundhouse arts charity by offering attendees the chance to join him for his last lap around the Top Gear test track: ‘I’ll drive somebody around in whatever I can get hold of, I’m sacked so it’s probably a Nissan Maestro. But anyway it will be my last ever lap of the Top Gear test drive. There was an 18 year waiting list to be in the audience of Top Gear, but the BBC has f—ed themselves.

Last night Chris Evans was announced as Jeremy Clarkson's Top Gear successor, following Clarkson's fracas with a BBC producer. However, this doesn't mean Clarkson won't be appearing on the BBC anytime soon. In fact, despite previously calling those at the corporation 'f---ing b-----ds', Clarkson has already made a star appearance on BBC2 this lunchtime as part of their tennis coverage. Clearly not too downhearted by Evans' appointment, the former Top Gear presenter decided to use his free time to take in some tennis at Queen's. This led to some scintillating commentary from the BBC tennis pundits as they tried to avoid the topic of Clarkson's untimely departure: Andrew Cotter: Big names here as well, Jeremy looks like he knows what he's talking about.

After Jeremy Clarkson was sacked from Top Gear, his fellow presenters James May and Richard Hammond resigned in protest. Since then, the trio have been spotted together over the past few weeks having 'secret talks' about their futures, with the pair reportedly visiting the home of ITV director Peter Fincham. Now Mr S hears that with talks for a new show under way, Clarkson and May are once again doing what they do best: driving around in fast cars. Steerpike's mole spied the pair roaring around Covent Garden in a rather fancy sports car on Tuesday evening: 'Clarkson and May were speeding around Covent Garden with Clarkson in the drivers' seat.

In the 1970s, there was a big difference between bullies and cry-babies. Your mum would have preferred you to hang around with the latter, but sometimes the former had a twisted charisma so strong that you found yourself joining in the taunts of ‘Onion Head! ’ at some poor unfortunate creature sporting a cranium of a somewhat allium caste. After a bit, of course, if you had anything about you, you realized what a knob you were being and went off to sample the more solitary, civilized pleasures of shoplifting and reading Oscar Wilde with the bedroom curtains closed. But you could be certain, as you festered in your pilfered Chelsea Girl vest, that bullies were bullies and cry-babies were cry-babies and never the twain would meet.

A lot of people seem to have confused the fact that Jeremy Clarkson is right wing and amusing (which they believe is at odds with the culture of the BBC) with the fact that he’s shown himself to be a brute (which is why he’s been sacked). The investigation into his attack on Oisin Tymon is pretty unequivocal. It was unprovoked and lasted more than 30 seconds until someone else intervened, and there was a lot of nasty verbal abuse thrown in for good measure. Tymon went to hospital afterwards to get his injuries checked out. Rather magnificently, he didn’t offer any resistance to Clarkson’s assault. The Duke of Cambridge in 1874 showed similar restraint when a disgruntled soldier attacked him in Pall Mall.

Last week Mr S reported how Jeremy Clarkson took to the stage at a charity event and called the BBC a bunch of 'f—ing b—–ds'. He may well be uttering those words again today after Lord Hall released a statement saying that the BBC will not be requiring the Top Gear host's services any more following Clarkson's 'fracas' with one of the show producers. The BBC Director-General says that it is 'with great regret'  that the corporation will not be keeping Clarkson on as a Top Gear host: 'It is with great regret that I have told Jeremy Clarkson today that the BBC will not be renewing his contract. It is not a decision I have taken lightly.