World

Prince Harry has bared his soul in explosive interviews for the publicity of his upcoming memoir, Spare. Just kidding. Naturally Humdrum Haz is droning on about the same obscure claims he and his wife have been recycling for the past two years. The evil "institution," the big bad press and the mystic royal "they," who seems to be a nonbinary Illuminati-like figure pulling the strings of the entire British Isles. This time, with ITV’s Tom Bradby, the Duke claimed, “I would like to get my father back. I would like to have my brother back.” Who could possibly imagine why King Charles and Prince William might want to keep Harry at arm's length? Anyone? "It never needed to be this way," the prince said. He wanted a family, not an institution!

It was no surprise that Prince Harry and Meghan were absent from Britain's royal Christmas celebrations at Sandringham after their recent outbursts. Their Netflix documentary cemented what we already knew: there is no going back. Instead, the pair opted for a Californian Christmas. Away from the pomp and pageantry of the royal family’s traditions, the day was described as low-key, choosing to spend their days playing games like "pin the tail on the Catherine" and throwing darts at King Charles’s face. I’m kidding, they’re far too mature for that. In Britain, we saw a family in unity. Even Prince Andrew attended the Christmas Day church service at St. Mary Magdalene and, somehow, was received well by crowds.

When Volodymyr Zelensky entered the chamber to address Congress, the applause and cheers took on a particularly emotional character. It was not the stilted, forced applause that the president receives at the State of the Union; it was an affectionate show of admiration for a man who has come to embody the twenty-first century struggle for freedom. Though delivered to Congress, the opening words of the Ukrainian president’s speech revealed his true audience: “Dear Americans... all those who value freedom and justice.” It was a speech for all of us. He pulled the dusty tarp off of America’s deepest identity as the shining light of liberty in a world of tyranny.

With his whirlwind visit to Washington, Volodymyr Zelensky cemented his bromance with Joe Biden. Even as MAGA Republicans have been sniping at Ukraine — Donald Trump, Jr. derided Zelensky on Wednesday as an “ungrateful welfare queen” — Biden declared that he will support Ukraine “as long as it takes.” Welcoming his Ukrainian counterpart to the White House, he went out of his way to depict support for Ukraine as bipartisan and unflinching. Like Herman Melville in his novel White-Jacket, Biden believes that “we bear the ark of the liberties of the world.” The Russian invasion and Ukrainian defiance are the making of Joe Biden’s presidency. Biden may well go down in history as the man who finally drove the stake through the heart of the Russian empire.

Ladies and gentlemen, that’s a wrap. The last leg of Meghan and Harry’s docuseries aired Thursday, where we learned about institutionalized gaslighting, how terrified Harry is of big, bad Prince William and what Beyoncé thinks about the whole saga, obviously. The final three episodes, admittedly, were the bombshell some hoped for. Harry and Meghan’s usual approach of accusing nameless figures of terrible acts went out the window. Prince William was the villain, King Charles didn’t come off much better. Hell, they even threw in some sly digs at the late Queen. For many Brits, this is a cardinal sin. Apparently, we're done. All over. H tells us that finally: it’s time to move on.

Friday, and it was hard to tell whether we were witnessing a clash of civilizations or a reconvergence. After a state dinner with Joe Biden in Washington, France's president Emmanuel Macron touched down in New Orleans, that most French of American cities, where he was greeted on the tarmac by a jazz band. If you've ever wanted to see a Frenchman cut a rug, now is your chance (though it was Macron's wife Brigitte who seemed the looser of the two). From there, Macron was off to the French Quarter, where he received a personal tour from New Orleans mayor LaToya Cantrell. And really, I just hope they did it right. I hope they took him to Bourbon Street and emerged on that one block with Larry Flynt's strip club and the giant sign: "Relax. It's just sex." (Told you it was French.

All is not well in the transatlantic relationship. This might come as a surprise given that the United States and Europe have been remarkably unified on Europe’s most urgent security crisis in the post-Cold War era. Despite Russian President Vladimir Putin’s attempt to inject division into the pro-Ukraine coalition by throttling gas supplies to Europe, the West is sticking to its guns, maintaining sanctions on Moscow until either the war ends or Russian troops are forced to withdraw. This consensus, however, has masked disputes between Washington and its European allies that are becoming more difficult to manage.

Prince Harry’s life has been as dramatic as an episode of the Real Housewives franchise over the past few years — yet now it has resurfaced that he once dated an ex-cast member. Catherine Ommanney, who once featured on The Real Housewives of DC, appears to be so small-fry that she doesn’t even justify a Wikipedia page. In fact, when Cockburn was searching her name, a he noticed she periodically flashes up from time to time to rehash the sordid details about her fling with the prince. Maybe that’s his type: a woman that can’t keep schtum.