For Competition 3451 you were invited to supply an acrostic poem praising or dispraising a public figure in which the word/s spelled out by the first letter of each line directly contradicts what the poem is saying.Messages that lurked, in a smallish but accomplished entry, included ‘Ursine delinquent’, ‘Tory turncoat’ and ‘Tit whisperer’. I’ll leave you to guess who they are skewering.
Honourable mentions go to Shirley Curran, Richard Spencer and Sylvia Fairley. The £25 John Lewis vouchers are awarded to the submissions printed below.
David Attenborough, here’s to you!
A hundred years of service to the Earth:
Vast plains and frozen wastes and oceans blue
Echo their grateful praise for all they’re worth!
A Nation’s Treasure? One hundred per cent!
The paragon presenter of our age;
Epitome of cool, a perfect gent;
Magician of the mot juste, Nature’s sage.
Young people of the planet, heed his warning.
Heed! Hear his wonder, whispered, hushed and awed
And be not sleeping now that doom is dawning:
May he not, like Cassandra, be ignored.
So save the species, animals and plants,
Those tigers and at risk orang-utans,
Eco-warrior par excellence,
Reminding us: the future’s in our hands.
David Silverman
You, Sir, jewel of the east –
Oh you Chondoistic priest! –
Under you, the Workers flourish,
Thinking of the truths you nourish.
You, Jong Un, or Kim the Third,
Rule like a goshawk, sacred bird,
And swoop down on the state’s refractors.
Next you cheer our Kumsong tractors!
Nicely dealing with the rebels –
Our great Rock, while they are pebbles –
Under your regime, non-violent,
Silence sings when they are silent.
Blessed Father to our nation
Executive Power, Inspiration,
Russia’s helpmeet. None will slander
Korea’s great Supreme Commander.
Bill Greenwell
Success in statecraft is a long, long game:
Triumph is measured not in months but years.
A bold approach may garner brief acclaim;
Restraint and stolid patience: such is Keir’s.
Memories though are short, and sadly tend
Easily to obliterate fine deeds;
Real achievement’s impact soon will end
In sacrifice to shallow short-term needs.
Such vision as his warrants a full term
To reach fruition, or be lost for ever;
Our finest leader yet perhaps if firm
And true support endorses his endeavour.
Steel underpins the freshness of his plan;
Time will confirm the stature of the man.
David Shields
We need a leader, honest, strong and wise,
He who can unify a splintered state
And never stoop to bigotry or hate.
Trustworthiness will be the final prize
Awarded to one man – no compromise –
Nigel Farage. His is the call of Fate,
An urgent summons to predominate.
Reform will crush the other parties’ lies.
So let us all in unanimity
Elect as ultimate and supreme choice
Heroic Farage to full primacy
Over the realm, not one dissenting voice.
Let joy be unconfined, set people free.
Eternally rejoice, I say, rejoice.
Basil Ransome-Davies
Australia hails him as their sov’reign, and
New Zealand, that Antipodean land,
Accepts his sceptre and kisses his hand.
Canada too, can call him Head of State.
He holds sway over countries small and great
Rules continents and tiny islands too,
On which the sun, gold orb in sky of blue,
Never sets. Yes, he rightly wears the Crown
Imperial (though men play that name down).
Still, empires may have come and gone, and all
The other nations see their leaders fall
In frenzied turmoil; but one thing is plain.
Charles sits upon the throne. Long may he reign!
Brian Murdoch
Jestless jester, tyre-trashing Mr Toad,
Can I compare thee to a blown exhaust?
Louche words bug darling May down every road
And leave your all too short a mate unhorsed;
Remorseless, your right turn at every fork,
Kinetic and frenetic is your course,
Sardonic is the hallmark of your torque,
Odious is the absence of remorse:
No gentle halls of reason and respect,
Fair icons of inclusion and import,
Obstruct your chevauchees: each rammed and wrecked
Run-down, reviled by vaunting motor-sport.
Plough sourly your last furrow, then step down,
Mourned only by Neanderthals, and clowns.
Nick Syrett
Thank you for your huge standing ovation
A far cry from that lonely railway station!
Kindness showed me what a home should be:
Especially from your Queen, who gave me tea.
Merit here gives everyone a chance:
Even those who come by boat from France.
Buttressed by your glorious NHS,
A grateful people bathes in your largesse;
Common wealth and benefits for all,
Keir at every summit, standing tall.
Third-rate thinkers fret about your debt,
Or whether you have built a warship yet,
Pylons blocking land that once grew food,
Europe in its old vindictive mood;
Relax! Your country is in righteous hands:
United Kingdom – greatest of Earth’s lands!
Richard Warren
No. 3454: Four play
You are invited to encapsulate a well-known poem (please specify) in four lines. Please email entries to competition@spectator.co.uk by midday on 10 June.
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