Eleven years ago, on a cold midnight in Los Angeles, I lay on a chaise lounge at the pool of the (now abandoned) Standard Hotel, made famous in Sex and the City. I was gossiping with the Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte of the nascent online right: Breitbart editor and podcaster prototype Milo Yiannopoulos; his then assistant, the future think tank wonk Allum Bokhari; VICE’s politics editor Grace Wyler; an anti-abortion activist who was, for some reason, wearing a gay sex harness as a blazer, and a blonde Canadian named Lauren Southern, who wore a beanie that said “libertarian” and would go on to announce she had “left the right” every two years whenever she needed a check.
I was kiki’ing with future president Donald Trump’s online Suicide Squad because I covered the D-list for vice.com. In 2015, the D-list meant everyone from Spencer Pratt to online right-wingers. My boss thought it was adorable that I was at the Standard with Breitbart’s finest. In her defense, my hangout sessions with the right more resembled gay-guy video nights than underground political meetings, and she had no idea the D-list was about to take over the world. Neither did the Suicide Squad, sitting under the pink neon and moonlight at the Standard.
Today, the D-list is the A-list, and the craziest member of the Suicide Squad is deciding President Trump should deport Yiannopoulos. And whether you’re against Trump or for MAGA, you should oppose Laura Loomer dictating any policy.
It’s unclear who, aside from himself, got Yiannopoulos deported, but in between claiming Marxists are funding anti-data center campaigns and falsely accusing the Satmar Orthodox Jewish community of being anti-Trump (they voted for Trump in overwhelming numbers), Loomer took credit for Milo’s eviction from the States. We have good reason to believe her. Corporations and political groups are obviously paying Loomer to tweet in support of their favored policies, because they believe the President obeys her tweets. Why wouldn’t Trump have followed her order to deport Yiannopoulos?
I’ve had my own complicated history with Yiannopoulos. Back when I was a wee twink journalist at VICE, I relied on him as a source. With my bosses’ urging and permission, I would send him VICE articles to mock to boost our traffic. It was all fine and dandy until an email leaked, and then VICE fired and scapegoated me. At first I blamed Yiannopoulos for his sloppiness. He even apologized, but he took the apology back because I am successful today. I understood completely. When I look at my former VICE colleagues and where they are today, I often think I should thank Yiannopoulos for blowing up my life so young. It’s why I am the man I am today.
Even as a twink whose frontal lobe wasn’t fully developed, I knew to avoid Loomer. Back when Loomer was chaining herself to Twitter HQ, I viewed these people more as Warholian superstars than future policy makers. You had Milo, a gay man sitting in a tub of fake blood. You had Ann Coulter, the foremother, the Dada to Trump’s Warhol. And you had Loomer, a woman I always avoided because she reminded me of Valerie Solanos, the woman who shot Warhol.
Some are shocked they’re still here, but Chekhov’s rules of drama always apply (yes, even to reality shows): the early characters are now on stage as we get closer to the final act.
With this in mind, we should ponder what has occurred in recent months, and where it’s all headed. Loomer – a woman who, by all accounts, can not legally own a gun – has advised the President, through Twitter campaigns, on everything from Venezuelan oil to India to Ukraine to, now, deportation policy. Trump adores her; he may live to regret it.
The irony of Loomer’s apparent power over Trump is that the President cares about ratings (in the form of viewers and votes), and Loomer has no viewers. Her five most recent Rumble videos failed to top 20,000 views. She could never launch an OnlyFans or any other subscription product – because she has no fans.
This isn’t to say reality TV has no place in DC. I am for chaos. I am for the circus. Heck, as a publicist, I put on a circus with my clients every day. When it comes to some jesters and acrobats, I’m open to them making decisions in DC. Worse people have run America.
But the Valerie Solanos of MAGA has no business deciding any policy, let alone who stays in America. Trump and his allies should go read some history of the 1960s, and they may think twice about letting Loomer influence so much and get so close to the President.
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