“It could be really cool if Congress was filled with goth people,” Kelley Dennison, the 27-year-old Republican nominee for Colorado’s 2nd congressional district, told the Daily Caller.
The Gen Z massage therapist is campaigning on an unexpected aesthetic, selling merchandise that tout her as “America’s Goth Baddie.”
But her campaign is predicated on more than her dark eyeliner and tattoos. Dennison is “Colorado first,” running on traditional conservative and populist policies on affordability, environmental conservation and family. Though Dennison was raised in a Democratic household, she has come to believe that party’s principles “don’t pay my bills.”
“Colorado won’t be gamed for political currency or an agenda. Its next representative will serve its wants and needs. I hope to be that representative,” she explained.
She will face a tough battle in November against incumbent Representative Joe Neguse, who has held the seat since 2019 and ran unopposed in the Democratic primary. But she hopes her unorthodox approach will inspire fellow zoomers to run for office and spark conversation about what it means to look like a young conservative.
“Outside appearances are not that important if you have good ideas,” she said. Her official Instagram account, @kelleyforco2, is heavily sprinkled with memes that “clown” voters who care about her policies but won’t support her because of party lines or her aesthetic.
And she’s still taking bookings for massages at Mood Ease Massage in Windsor, Colorado. A two-hour session is $150 and looks “to nurture not only the body but also the soul and environment, fostering harmony and renewal for every individual I work with.” Gen Z girls do love a side hustle.
On our radar
SMOOTH SAILING President Trump has dropped his plan to tax ships that travel through the Strait of Hormuz 20 percent and replace it with “Trade and Investment Deals that the various Gulf States will be making into the United States,” he wrote on Truth Social this morning.
WARN A BROTHER Twelve state attorneys general are suing Paramount to block its $111 billion takeover of Warner Bros. Discovery.
GOTTA CATCH ’EM ALL Ten years ago today in Annandale, Virginia, Hillary Clinton wondered aloud how she could get young people to “Pokémon Go to the polls.”
Hunter vs Fuentes: a 2036 election preview?
On Sunday, Hunter Biden and Nick Fuentes met in a musty-looking motel room in Philadelphia with Andrew Callaghan of the All Gas No Brakes YouTube show. The encounter was framed as a “no questions off-limits” conversation to see if the two could find common ground.
“Nick called me, I’d never spoken to him before,” Mitchell Jackson, Callaghan’s PR, told Cockburn. “If you watch his show, his views have developed and become more nuanced – he wanted to do an interview clarifying his opinions and how they’d evolved.”
At around the same time, Jackson says, “Hunter had reached out to Andrew Callaghan about coming on – and we put two and two together. So we thought, ‘Why don’t we do it in a motel room?’ As a reference to Hunter’s past.”
“Some of Nick’s opinions on things will shock people,” Jackson says of the episode, which is out later this week and will be over an hour long. “A lot of the people screaming and yelling will be jealous they didn’t put this together. I was in the room and it was a sensory overload to witness in real life.”
TMZ said on Monday that “During the discussion, Nick and Hunter shared laughs and ideas… but they also got into heated arguments.” The encounter almost ended up coming to blows, with Callaghan having to prevent them from punching each other.
In the event of a fight, Cockburn’s money would have been on Fuentes. Given the way politics seems to be going, we may have just witnessed the first debate of the 2036 presidential election…
Can we hear more from Haley Stevens?
It’s the nails-down-a-chalkboard voice being heard across the country. “You better believe I’m gonna be doing it with a little bit of joy, a little bit of enthusiasm, a little bit of energy and a little bit of stick it to ’em,” Representative Haley Stevens squawked in a recent speech. “Because that’s the Michigan way!” People online are drawing SNL comparisons, saying she sounds like “Matt Foley if he was trans.”
Stevens is hoping to win the upcoming US Senate primary, with a goal to “fight for Michiganders and our economy while standing up to the Trump-Musk chaos agenda,” according to her campaign website. A small X account, Daily Haley, has been clipping and documenting her oddest behavior. It’s not clear whether the account is run by a progressive opponent trying to stop her in the primary or a Republican attempting to depict her as the weirder candidate in the general.
She faces Abdul el-Sayed, a politician and epidemiologist who previously served as director of the Department of Health, Human, and Veterans Services in Wayne County, Michigan. Abdul has drawn fire for campaigning alongside controversial leftist streamer Hasan Piker. She is also in a vicious battle with your ear drums. Mallory McMorrow, who was polling third, dropped out of the race in an effort to boost Stevens.
Stevens and el-Sayed recently faced off in a debate, answering questions concerning campaign funding, affordability, Israel and more. In one notable moment, Stevens said she “worked really hard” to make sure Kamala Harris would be elected and that Donald Trump would be stopped, which did not happen. She also smized at the camera and attacked el-Sayed for profanity.
“I’m the only one on this stage who doesn’t have a talent agent trying to pitch me for paid speeches,” Stevens said. “Unlike my opponent, I’m not running at the first mic or camera I see.”
Cockburn would happily pay Stevens to speak – perhaps at a lighthouse, to direct ships away from the rocks during fog.
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