Q. For the past seven years I’ve had my hair cut by the same barber. I’ll call him ‘Z’. Z is a dear man and I have enjoyed his haircuts for their locality, economy and speed. But it has been raised on numerous occasions by friends, family and girlfriends that although the haircut looks fine on the day, after three days it becomes a waxen mop: messy, uneven and slightly dorky. As I approach the age of 30, I am beginning to wonder whether my single status could have something to do with my haircut. But how do I leave Z? I see him every morning. I do not want to lose the thumbs up and salutes as I walk past his shop. But it could be awkward if he realises I am outsourcing his scissor work to someone else.
– Name withheld, London SW1
A. You can spare Z from having hurt feelings by going in to tell him the good news that you have a girlfriend. It’s all marvellous. The only thing is that she is a hairdresser herself and insists on cutting your hair from now on.
Q. A dear bachelor friend says that, because Sadiq Khan has spoilt the fun of driving in London, he particularly enjoys bringing his new fast car down to stay with us. We usually do an outing or two and he insists on being the driver. My wife and I have admitted to each other we find his driving quite terrifying, as he has no concept of oncoming traffic on country lanes etc. How can we tactfully engineer things so that we take him out in our car? We’ve tried all the obvious excuses like ‘We’ve already programmed the destination into our satnav’.
– J.M.K., Frome, Somerset
A. One of you could complain of a bad back and say your back man has narrowed it down to being in cars. You’ve now pre-set your car seat into a weird sitting position and that seems to be doing the trick. Sadly you can’t go in any other car.
Q. Re. the problem about a child wanting their teeth whitened (17 October), strobe and ‘black’ lights make all artificially whitened teeth stand out like disembodied false teeth in a ghost train. I haven’t been in a night club since I was ‘outed’ by my own teeth 20 years ago.
– O.J., London W11
A. Thank you for sharing this tip.
Q. My flatmate has slight OCD about hygiene and covers everything in our fridge with clingfilm. I don’t want to fall out with her but all that plastic is upsetting me. What can I do?
– H.S. London W11
A. Silicone-free greaseproof paper is only about 40p a metre and is ecologically blameless. Buy a pack of rubber bands to help seal the packages shut.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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