Q. If flirting is out of the question, is there another way to show someone you like them? My situation was a lunch at which a really attractive girl was on my right, but on her right was a man who obviously fancied her too. Because this man had shown interest in investing in my start up, I didn’t want to compete with him and wreck the chances of his coming on board. So I played it cool and she left without any idea I was interested in her. How could I have handled this better?
– Name and address withheld
A. When the other man had safely turned, you should have made up a fictional book title and asked the girl e.g. ‘Have you ever read “Bertha” by Deirdre Squill?’ Still wearing an unflirtatious expression, continue coldly, ‘It’s an obscure book, but the character of Bertha is fascinating – very much in the same way as you are. I happen to have a spare copy. Can I get your address from our host and I will put it in the post to you?’ Later send a card saying you are so sorry, the book seems to have disappeared, but would she like to meet for a drink?
Q. I feel you ought to do some kind of public service announcement regarding Save the Date alerts. I am 28 and, in the course of planning my own nuptials, I have found that older generations don’t realise that Save the Date is now an invite. In the past they marked the date down with a pencil in their diary and waited for the invite without RSPV-ing. But now, if you can come, you respond by sending your postal address so the proper invitation can be sent. My generation, of course, don’t have our friends’ land addresses. You have to give them the date months, if not a year, in advance, as people get so booked up.
– O.E., London SE5
A. Thank you for drawing this to readers’ attention. Traditional wedding invitations would have gone out no earlier than 12 weeks beforehand. Today, due to friend inflation and the death of spontaneity, bridal couples are forced to seek acceptances much further in advance.
Q. Some friends who come shooting ask us to dinner but it’s always just us and one other couple, the de Koonings (fake name). We think they always ask the de Koonings with us because they don’t know many other ‘smart’ people. We don’t want the de Koonings. We would much rather it was just the four of us. How can we achieve this?
– Name and address withheld
A. One of you should confide that you have taken on ‘what’s called a side hustle. But I’m not allowed to talk about it yet. The only problem is that, tragically, it means we won’t be able to have dinner with the de Koonings as that could infringe the non-compete rules I’ve signed up to.’
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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