Q. We have a granddaughter, aged 21, living in our basement. We see a lot of her and her boyfriend. Our problem is that the boyfriend has a terrible habit of blowing his nose in front of one, during a conversation, using a tiny tissue, and taking far too long. Our granddaughter is at the stage where she would dismiss my concerns as ‘snobbery’, but since he has been job-seeking without success, I feel he should know this habit is off-putting. What can I do?
– Name and address withheld
A. Have a small group to drinks and include the couple. Mention that you will shortly be meeting some Japanese people and have been reading up on aspects of Japanese etiquette. Then add: ‘But just as well that I did! Who knew that the Japanese consider blowing one’s nose in front of another person to be the rudest thing you can do?’ This is true. Nose-blowing in Japan is considered unhygienic, and contrasts with the cultural emphasis on maintaining public harmony. You can then open up a lighthearted debate, confident that all participants will feel free to voice their revulsion. Someone is bound to point out it’s rude in England too.
Q. My part of the country has seen no rain for 58 days. A close neighbour has rewilded his large garden rather too enthusiastically, and it is now tinder dry and without firebreaks. I really don’t want to fall out with him, but how should I tackle this potentially dangerous situation without breeding enmity?
– P.K., Aylesbury, Bucks
A. Get a group of actors to turn up in your area wielding sound equipment and purporting to be making a public service podcast. Let them knock systematically door-to-door asking if anyone knows of a potential fire-risk garden until another neighbour points towards the offending territory. Your neighbour should be asked to give an interview explaining the thinking behind having no firebreaks and keep probing him until he admits it may be a mistake.
Q. I am going up to Scotland on holiday where I will be part of a large house party. I’m single and I know for a fact that there’s another single person going whom I fancy. I’m reticent by nature, as is he, but I don’t want to pass up an opportunity of spending a week with him without letting him know I find him attractive. What to do, Mary?
– Name and address withheld
A. It would be perfectly reasonable to say to the man that, since you do not have a partner, it would be so helpful if he could come to your room each evening after the day’s sport to check the back of your – perhaps bikini-clad – body for ticks.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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