Contrary to what we redheads have been led to believe, we are not disappearing. Our numbers have increased in the past 10,000 years, according to a recent Harvard study. What’s more, researchers found, being ginger may actually be desirable as far as natural selection is concerned because ‘having red hair was beneficial 4,000 years ago’. The reason why has yet to be discovered. But it’s good news for the class bully, producers of sunscreen and those – like me – who’ve had a love-hate relationship with the variants in their MC1R gene which leads to red hair and pale skin.
I was an extreme redhead as a child; not one of the beautiful ones with long, auburn curls and green eyes. No, with my large head, fluorescent carroty hair, enormous blue eyes, pale eyelashes, freckles and gappy teeth, I was the ugly ginger kid that provoked whispers of: ‘That’s a wee shame…’ By the time I moved from the safety of the village primary to a rough secondary school, I was even odder looking: stick thin and a bit underdeveloped. Once, when the history teacher Mr Campbell was out of the room, the boys took time away from drawing Skara Brae to run a poll to see who was the ugliest girl in first year: me or 12-stone Carol McFarlane. Luckily for both of us, the teacher came back before the results could be counted. As we were learning in English, William Golding was right: kids are evil. A year or two later I became pretty, turned heads and the bullying stopped.
Hollywood is full of beautiful redheads like Christina Hendricks and Julianne Moore. And yet in popular culture – unlike beautiful blondes – we’re often portrayed as the villain. Dolly Parton sang of the husband-stealing ‘Jolene’ with ‘flaming locks of auburn hair’ while Zadie Smith made her most viscerally unpleasant character in White Teeth – the racist thug Ryan Topps – ginger-haired and mocked his pale, veined skin. The jibes are getting nastier, too. Because I had a horrible stepfather, when I first heard the joke ‘beaten like a ginger stepchild’ I had to leave the room. Then again, we’re not getting burnt at the stake any longer and being the butt of an occasional joke can teach resilience.
We know from medical studies that we can be more difficult to anaesthetise but what of the other claims: the quick temper, higher sex drive and intelligence, clotting problems, lower pain threshold and sensitivity to temperature? Thinking about this, I messaged my funniest and most libidinous acquaintance (he’s had many hundreds) asking if there was any truth in the notion that redheads were keener in bed. He told me that without a doubt they were and, as an aside, said: ‘You are all vampires who burn and melt in the sun. But I’d still be willing to have sex with you because I’m an open-minded and liberal person.’
I was the ugly ginger kid that provoked whispers of: ‘That’s a wee shame…’
There’s no scientific evidence for quicker temper or higher sex drive and intelligence, although there is to suggest that redheads feel some types of pain more easily and are more sensitive to temperature. Both of these are sensory and related to touch so perhaps there could be a sensual element at play. As regards red blood cells and clotting, I once asked a consultant haematologist friend about it. I was vegetarian for most of my twenties but after I haemorrhaged following the birth of my first baby and became pregnant with my second the following year, I began to crave and eat meat. He told me that, despite there being little scientific evidence to support it, there was a saying in haematology circles: ‘Don’t stand too close to a pregnant redhead because she’ll bite your fucking arm off…’
As a child I often cried about my looks, especially my hair, but in my twenties I began to realise it was an asset. By the time I was 40, it was a lovely mid red-gold and hairdressers would swoon. Now I’ve faded naturally to paler blonde, I miss the red. Whenever I see a ginger kid these days, my heart melts. I feel a connection; we’re the same tribe and I hope the bullying has lessened and that they’re happier than I was. Contrary to the recent study, none of my three daughters were as cruelly ginger as I was. None of my three tiny grandchildren are red either. But there’s another arriving soon and maybe, just maybe…
Comments