William Atkinson

The real victor of these local elections? Boris Johnson. According to Oscar Wilde, the only thing in life worse than being talked about, is not being talked about. It’s a sign of Boris Johnson’s skill in attracting headlines that even as the Conservatives suffer a shellacking at the local elections, his being turned away from a polling station for failing to bring ID – a new requirement under a law he introduced – is still a leading news story. Angry Tories are staying at home – and swing voters are devoting in droves In a career pockmarked by marital imbroglios, cake ambushes, and faulty zipwires, this doesn’t reach the top 20 of the ex-prime minister’s most notable embarrassment.

Since first becoming Chairman of the 1922 Committee in 2010, Graham Brady has overseen the election of three Conservative leaders – Theresa May, Liz Truss, and Rishi Sunak – as well as votes of confidence in both May and Boris Johnson. Serving as the voice of the Tory backbenches to the party leadership, Brady’s views on the leadership carry more weight than those of most Conservatives. Brady said it was a 'mistake' for party members to have the 'final vote' As such, Tory members might be a little irritated to hear that Brady thinks it is 'crazy' that they can vote on a Conservative prime minister’s successor if they are elected in government.

Rory Stewart is a successful podcast host, but would he make a good Oxford University chancellor? The former Tory MP is in the running to replace Chris Patten, who is retiring. Stewart is the bookies’ front runner in the race: ‘This is a very interesting idea and an amazing role,’ he said, ‘but I would naturally have to think hard about whether I am the right candidate’. Stewart shouldn’t have to spend too long thinking: he’s the wrong man for the job. In his brief Tory leadership campaign in 2019, Stewart’s limitations became clear. His support amongst Tory MPs soon fizzled out as he failed to make a significant impression in the debates. He made clear he would not serve under Boris Johnson, left parliament at the earliest opportunity, and quit the Conservatives.

Asking Liz Truss for advice on how to make conservatism popular seems as wise as consulting Paula Vennells on how best to treat your employees. That hasn’t stopped the ex-PM from giving her blessing to the new Popular Conservatism group. But at least one of her fellow PopCons might suggest it isn’t their former leader that the Tories should look to for salvation, but across the Atlantic. Recently selected for the seat of Epsom and Ewell, Mhairi Fraser is a City lawyer who has dabbled in Donald Trump fangirling. She travelled to America to see the ex-president win in 2016 because she had 'never been as excited' about a politician.

With opinion polls predicting an oncoming electoral shellacking for the Conservatives, it is unsurprising that Rishi Sunak is hoping to find extra voters wherever he can. CCHQ’s latest bet is in the two million or so Britons living overseas who have just had their lifetime voting rights restored. On 16 January, rules came into operation allowing all British citizens living abroad to register to vote in general elections. Labour introduced a 15-year limit on voting rights for expats in 2001. Repealing that limit has been a long-standing Tory manifesto commitment. Doing so with last year’s Elections Act has more than doubled the number of eligible overseas voters from 1.4 million to 3.5 million.

Why do we have inquiries? The late Geoffrey Howe suggested six principal reasons: to establish the facts, to learn from the events, to provide catharsis for those affected, to reassure the public that matters are being resolved, to allocate accountability and blame, and the political urge to show something is being done. By those metrics, the Covid inquiry is not only failing, but becoming a farce. The row over Boris Johnson’s WhatsApps between the Government, the ex-PM, and the inquiry chair Baroness Hallett may end up in court. The inquiry looks set to conclude its public hearings in the summer of 2026. Subjects such as Covid contracts and decisions on care homes will not be tackled until 2025 – five years after the pandemic began, and after Matt Hancock will have left parliament.

A confession: Penny Mordaunt was my teenage political crush. Publicly admitting that would be rather more embarrassing if the performance of the Leader of the House of Commons at the coronation didn’t have my fellow Conservatives infatuated. God knows what my 15-year-old self would have made of her eye-catching role on Saturday, but many Tory supporters were suitably impressed. As soon as she appeared in ceremonial battledress, 'Oh my Gods' at her outfit mixed with tweets of appreciation for her remarkable ability to carry a weighty sword for an hour. Comparisons have been drawn to other formidable women: Boudica, Athena, and Britney Spears. She may not have been crowned this weekend but we have a new Queen of Tory hearts.

Now that Morse has cracked his final case, Oxford’s streets will be freed from the annual disruption caused by successive Jaguars and their attendant film crews. But that’s of little comfort to residents facing a new source of gridlock – one, ironically, caused by those protesting efforts to reduce the city’s notorious congestion. Last month 2,000 eclectic protestors descended on the city centre to oppose, amongst other things, Low-Traffic Neighbourhoods (LTNs), 15-minute cities, and ‘climate lockdowns’.   As a former resident and council candidate, I’m much too familiar with Oxford’s traffic trouble.

Rishi Sunak has long sought to give Britain its very own Silicon Valley. Partially because pseudo-Californian beaches would provide respite from snarling backbenchers, but mainly because creating a European hub for innovation in Britain would be a good way to rejuvenate our sclerotic growth rates. Hence why today the government is stumping up £2.5 million for a new ‘regional partnership’ driving investment towards Oxford and Cambridge. With two of the world’s leading universities in close proximity, turning swathes of South-East England into a haven for science and technology should be a no-brainer, surely? Alas, the philosopher John Stuart Mill didn’t label the Conservatives ‘the stupid party’ for nothing.

The decision to scrap personal statements shows up our university system for what it really is: the priority is no longer about educating students, or academic endeavour, but expansion for expansion’s sake. Ucas (the Universities and College Admissions Service) plans to replace the current applicant essay with a survey. This will reportedly ask taxing questions such as why applicants are motivated to study a particular course, why they are ‘ready to succeed’ and any context for their academic achievements – or lack thereof – so far. The justification? That the status quo is unfair on those students without access to ‘high-quality advice and guidance’.

Oxford’s Faculty of Oriental Studies has had a name change: it will now be known as the Faculty of Asian and Middle Eastern Studies. University bigwigs opted to drop the word 'oriental' over fears that it might be too outdated and potentially offensive. This is a small-minded attack on a great and important subject. It's also a distraction from the university’s real problems. The word’s presence in the faculty’s name hasn’t stopped Oxford from accepting more students from China, India, and the rest of what we once knew as the 'Orient' than ever previously – just as Cecil Rhodes’ statue hasn’t prevented the university from having more black students than ever before.

The greased piglet will soon be sausages. That, at least, seems the obvious outcome of this week's Tory party confidence vote. With over 40 per cent of his MPs in open revolt against him, even Boris Johnson, the great political escapologist, is running out of road. He may have survived now. But with two by-election losses looming in the Red and Blue Walls, a cost-of-living crisis spiralling out of control, and MPs manoeuvring against him, this reprieve looks temporary. The Conservative party has still not entirely recovered from Margaret Thatcher’s defenestration 30-odd years ago, and nobody would want to repeat the six months of agony and the electoral shellacking that it finally took for Theresa May to go. Least of all, surely, Johnson himself.

Durham University has long been considered the destination of choice for Oxbridge rejects. But this is an image some students in Durham are keen to shake off. Durham's Students' Union hopes to end the stereotype that it is the alma mater of choice for those who don't make the cut at Britain's ancient universities. It has published a 48-page 'Culture Commission', in which it says the label is unfair since ‘most students are not in fact unsuccessful candidates of Oxford or Cambridge.' Rather than be embarrassed by this label, Durham students should embrace it. This knee-jerk decision to try and rebrand Durham is hardly surprising at an institution where Rod Liddle's appearance led to protests and which once even banned its Conservative association.

Life is about to get even more miserable for smokers living in Oxford. Oxfordshire county council has announced plans to make the region ‘smoke-free’ by 2025. Smokers will be prevented from having a puff outside cafes, pubs, and restaurants, while employers will be asked to impose smoke-free spaces in workplaces. Hospitals, schools, and public areas will be urged to ban smoking, and lighting up will be discouraged in homes and other private spaces. In short, Marlboro retailers hoping to ply their wares anywhere between Banbury and Henley are going to be out of luck. I’m not a smoker and I have no desire to be. The combination of a wheezy grandfather and a chronic lack of funds has meant a tobacco habit has never held much attraction.