The Thinking Drinkers

Whether it’s Santa or the Sith Lord Vader, if there’s a patriarch knocking about in your family, he’s sure to appreciate some pampering this Father’s Day. But there’s no need to fuss, since most daddios are at their best if they’re left alone with a drink. So why not earmark a quiet corner for him on the 19th and make sure he has something special to sip on? Here are some suggestions that’ll make his day. Bourbon This month’s removal of a punitive US-UK tariff on American whiskey trade should see a glorious return for this smashing spirit, and there are few finer than the whiskies coming from the Heaven Hill Distillery (https://heavenhilldistillery.com/#5) in Kentucky.

History suggests the Royal Family have always been enthusiastic drinkers. The most obvious example is Henry VIII, a monarch who proved to be excessive in everything he did, and spent an estimated £6m a year on booze. And in more recent centuries you’ll discover an ongoing Royal appreciation. Queen Victoria for example was an eminent imbiber of alcohol, her preferred poison being an unusual mix of whisky and red wine. Together. In the same glass. She was particularly partial to Vin Mariani, a drink made by Angelo Mariani by steeping cocoa leaves in French red wine for six months. Alleged to be the original recipe for Coca-Cola, each fluid ounce once contained 7.

The Mesoamerican Mayans exchanged it as currency; botany boffin Carl Linnaeus christened it ‘food of the Gods’; and fictional fatso Augustus Gloop loved it so much he ended up in a river of the stuff. Yes, if Easter is about anything, then we’re pretty sure it’s about chocolate. And just as chocolate triggers serotonin, so too will a sip of a sophisticated spirit release a dose of dopamine. So, what with all the relentless gloom in the world, we suggest you double down on the indulgence this Easter and pair your favourite sweet treat with a delicious and discerning distillate. Chocolate contains over 600 flavour compounds, which is a lot, but there’s also incredible aromatic and flavour complexity in various spirits, particularly those aged in wood.

In the fifth century, Ireland suffered from a reptile dysfunction – it happens to the best of us. Pesky pagan snakes were everywhere, slippery anti-Christian evangelists making a nuisance of themselves, shedding their skin, swallowing hamsters whole and sticking their tongues out at everyone. But then the great Irish hero St Patrick came along. Except, Patrick, who had an Irish name (anglicized from Phádraig), was actually English. When he was 16, he was kidnapped and taken to Ireland as a slave, held there for six years before a brave escape back to England. Then, rather surprisingly given that ordeal, he decided to go back and preach Christianity. And now he’s a saint. Well done him.

Let’s face it, rugby can be a bit confusing. No-one really understands the rules. For huge swathes of an 80-minute game, the ball disappears under a pile of bodies; scrums look like a load of fat fellas looking for a set of keys dropped in the mud and the rest of the time it’s just a giant cartoon brawl – a massive Beano-esque cloud of dust with assorted fists, feet and colloquial expletives emerging from it at various angles; after which a pint-sized 'bloody good bloke' kicks a penalty through some posts after an alleged offence no one understood in the first place. That’s why rugby fans are allowed to drink in the stadiums because, if they weren’t, no-one would bother.

It’s Jesus’s birthday soon - so let’s have a drink. It’s what he would have wanted. As a nation, we do a lot of drinking during December. According to white-coated boffins with spectacles and clipboards, alcohol consumption increases 40 per cent in the run-up to Christmas. Not only does collective elbow-bending increase in December, it gets more eclectic – as we pour ourselves leftfield libations that simply wouldn’t be countenanced at any other time in the calendar. Case in point, The Snowball. Boasting the consistency of alcoholic custard, this classic kitsch cocktail synonymous with the Seventies is made with Advocaat, an iconic Dutch blend of brandy, egg yolk, sugar and vanilla – lengthened with lemonade.

If you’re bracing for a bleak winter by lining up a box-set binge, then at least there’s a glut of options on the gogglebox right now. And as you settle on the sofa, the moment will be capped if you find the most appropriate drink to sip as you get square eyes. Here then, are some perfect pairs. Succession, with Old Fashioned Sky Atlantic/HBO’s Succession revels in a luxurious backdrop of deal-making private helicopter drops and tête-à-tête tension on over-sized yachts, along with impossibly expensive tailoring, timepieces and indeed discerning drinks.