The Spectator

Website

From our UK edition

‘You’ll find my wish list on my website — I have prioritised the presents — can you acknowledge to timmy@...’

Fuel 2

From our UK edition

‘If his winter fuel charges have gone up, I’m changing our energy supplier.’

Faithful

From our UK edition

‘We shall now sing O Come All Ye Faithful, stressing the word “all” in a sarcastic manner.’

Argument

From our UK edition

‘As you have no close family who’ll be visiting this Christmas, we’ve come to offer you a huge, acrimonious argument if you’d like one.’

Body

From our UK edition

‘You have the body of a teenager — your liver’s shot, and you have a couple of sexually transmitted infections.’