The Spectator

Portrait of the week | 16 January 2014

From our UK edition

Home David Cameron, the Prime Minister, said that English local authorities would be allowed to receive all the business rates collected from shale gas schemes, not just the 50 per cent they’d expect. Total, a French company, said it would invest about £30 million in drilling two exploratory wells in Lincolnshire. To head off higher borrowing

A successful obesity campaign? Fat chance

From our UK edition

Fat chances The National Obesity Forum said that Britain is reaching a ‘doomsday scenario’ where half the population is obese. What happened to previous government campaigns to tackle obesity? — Between 1997 and 2008 the percentage of men getting the government’s recommended level of physical exercise grew from 32 per cent to 39 per cent,

Grandma

From our UK edition

‘You broke into my grandma’s house,ate her, then stole her identity, so I suppose I am here for some answers’

Brooms

From our UK edition

‘Hopefully, you will never have cause to use it but your brooms come with a bayonet attachment’

Cricket

From our UK edition

‘We’re naming him after the whole of the England cricket team: “Useless.” ’

Pizza

From our UK edition

‘What’s your problem? I got you a margherita and I got myself a Hawaiian.’