Stephen Daisley

The thing to appreciate about the Conservative and Unionist Party is that the only principle it understands less than Conservatism is Unionism. The Tories have convinced themselves that these concepts mean their perfect opposite, so that Conservatism is a counsel of market dogmatism and social reaction; and Unionism is the English national interest with brief interludes from Glasgow and Belfast, like a constitutional Last Night of the Proms.  The Tories' Unionism has always been more honoured in the breach than the observance. If their handling of the Scottish referendum result was not confirmation enough, their pursuit of a hard Brexit has put it beyond all doubt.

It's remarkable how quickly tribalism can capture people. Three years ago, only a small number of politicians and commentators advocated leaving the European Union. Reform it, yes; complain about it, always. But actually quit? That was a Ukip cause. But now a lot of people, having drunk the Brexit brew, are quite heady. It's not just that they have been converted to the Brexit cause, it's that they can't see how anyone sensible could disagree with it - or them. They belong to a new tribe: the Brexiteers. And any problems in their project are immediately blamed on the others. Listen to the arguments now. The Brexiteers are not to blame for an EU divorce bill many times their estimates -- the Europeans are.

It’s quiet up in Scotland at the minute. We’ve not tried to secede in a few months, some MSPs are away pursuing reality TV careers, and Nicola Sturgeon is still deciding the best punishment for parents that smack their recalcitrant offspring. The downside is that when things are quiet, some geyser of nationalist lunacy inevitably explodes. Step forward, Eddi Reader — folk musician, celebrity separatist, and the first of what are bound to be countless victims of the burgeoning police state. She announced to her Twitter followers: ‘When I was stopped in Glasgow two days ago (MOT ran out) the sight of the policeman and the Union Jack on his jacket made me fear he was an anti-indy man and if he recognised me I didn’t feel okay about that.

Oh Jeremy Corbyn, your takeover of Labour is all but complete. Left-winger Richard Leonard has triumphed in the Scottish Labour leadership, defeating moderate rival Anas Sarwar. The Yorkshireman and former GMB official becomes the party’s sixth leader in ten years and takes over from Kezia Dugdale, who abruptly quit the post in August for the backbenches and Bush Tucker Trials. The outcome, announced at Glasgow’s Science Centre this morning, was hardly surprising. Sarwar’s campaign was arguably doomed from the start.

When Kezia Dugdale quit as Scottish Labour leader in August, she said it was time to 'pass on the baton' to someone else, handing power to her deputy, Alex Rowley. Today, Rowley has stepped aside, leaving a leaderless party following allegations – which he denies – that he was abusive to his former partner.  The Corbyn ally recused himself after he was accused of 'emotional blackmail and abuse’. The woman, who has not been named, alleges that Rowley was controlling and sent her insulting text messages after she broke off the relationship. One is alleged to have read: 'You are one horrible nasty piece of work and I am going to expose you’; another: 'You are the most rotten b*****d I have had the misfortune to become involved with.

Britain's unease about the 100th anniversary of the Balfour Declaration, our imperial pronouncement that we 'view with favour the establishment in Palestine of a national home for the Jewish people, and will use [our] best endeavours to facilitate the achievement of this object’, is not hard to spot. Boris Johnson lauds Balfour as 'indispensable to the creation of a great nation' before rueing that its 'vital caveat...to safeguard other communities - has not been fully realised'. His shadow number, Emily Thornberry, said: 'I don’t think we celebrate the Balfour declaration. But I think we have to mark it because it was a turning point in the history of that area and the most important way of marking it is to recognise Palestine.

If democracy is government by the people and meritocracy by the most able, Brexitocracy is rule by charlatans. Anyone who doubts that should survey the limp justifications, weaker than the Labour vetting process, for Chris Heaton-Harris’s letter to vice-chancellors. The Eurosceptic MP wrote to universities and asked if they wouldn’t mind drawing up a list of names for him. Nothing fancy, just everyone involved in teaching about Brexit and copies of their teaching materials. Now, the normal procedure when an MP – a government whip no less – does something completely deranged and massively embarrassing is to cordon them off with yellow hazard tape and hose down the crime scene.

It’s over 150 years since John Stuart Mill called the Conservatives the stupid party and in every one of those years they have worked hard to live up to that assessment.  Grant Shapps’ abortive leadership coup is the latest example of Tory idiocy. After Theresa May did herself a mischief in Manchester, Shapps scarpered over to his colleagues and piped up that the emperor had no clothes. To which they replied: ‘Where have you been, Grant?’ Unfazed, Shapps then offered himself up as a replacement, out of selfless devotion to party and country. The party, once it had established who he was again, said 'nah, you're all right, mate'.

Boris Johnson came to Tory conference to do two things. First, he had to win back the Tory grassroots from the floccinaucinihilipilificating ways of Jacob Rees-Mogg. Moggmentum rises and falls with the willingness of the faithful to indulge blithe theatrical Toryism at the expense of sense and good judgement. Second, he had to address his own reputation for flippancy and remind the party that he can do serious when he wants to.  Whether he succeeded in achieving the former, we will see but he made a good effort on the latter point. It fell to Boris to remind Conservatives of their own fatal conceit — that of assuming the arguments against socialism had been won.

Are you considering a career in Labour politics but fear you may be left behind amid all the exciting changes the party is undergoing? Maybe you want to be a part of the Jez revolution but can’t get your head around the ever-developing terminology.  Perhaps you are eyeing up a safe seat but aren’t sure which paramilitary cell's endorsement would most impress the selection panel.  Help is at hand with this guide that takes you through the key terms of Corbynspeak.  Centrist dad: Anyone old enough to remember when Labour was a political party and not an evangelical tent ministry. Owns more than one pair of chinos and only uses Facebook to post ‘FFS’ with links to Owen Jones pieces. Centrist dads just don’t get how politics works in 2017.