Steerpike

The Lords’ terrace was transformed into a theatre yesterday evening to stage an adaptation of Blair Babe Oona King’s House Music diaries, which recount her career as MP for Bethnal Green and Bow between 1997 and 2005. Many of New Labour’s faded hopes, like Ruth Kelly, turned up to roll back the years and remember the good times; although those wanting to catch a glimpse of Gordon had to make to do with an actor, because, of the Great Man himself, there was no sign (again). Ed Stoppard and comedian David Schneider were treading the makeshift boards in this dramatisation. They nailed compelling impersonations of Brown, Blair and George Galloway (King’s nemesis), all of which raised laughs and reminiscence.

The Lord Rennard scandal is spreading, not least because of Nick Clegg's willingness to bring in other characters. He even directly named Danny Alexander as central to the disastrous investigation five years ago. Clegg's statement says they didn't know the specifics involved or the names of the women. A line that does not hold much weight when one of the victims was his own Special Advisor. As many Liberal Democrats lie low, it would not be a 'show trial' without everyone's favourite yellow clown. Enter stage left Lembit Opik who popped on Sky News. The last person that the party leadership would want to see, and he did not upset the punters: 'I don't want to hear all the emotion from Clegg, I don't want to hear how angry he is.

Mr Steerpike spotted an interview in today's Evening Standard with ex-Westminster luminary Louise Mensch. Across a double page spread, she offers her tips on keeping a marriage alive. In particular, she suggests relationships based around romantic 'date nights' are a sham: 'By the time you've got to that, you've already lost the battle ... You've got to grab him when he comes out of the shower every day. You can't save it for a special evening' Unfortunately for Mrs. Mensch, her ex-boss feels otherwise. Young Dave has been frequently spotted hitting the town with his better-half Sam on just such a night.

On Monday, Polly Toynbee told her shrinking Guardian audience that ‘Britain is a country profoundly ignorant about the distribution of its wealth.’ Well, allow Mr Steerpike to do his part in solving this plight and shine a little light on where that wealth goes. I’ve been passed an invitation to host an ‘audience’ with the very same Ms. Toynbee, who is apparently ‘renown for her left-leaning, social democratic stance’. The enticing offer will let profoundly ignorant Britons learn from the lady ‘seen as the epitome of leftwing, politically correct reactionism’ for a small sum. Though at £2,750 for a couple of hours work, we might have to do a whip-round.

Peter Stringfellow made headlines last week when he threatened to run against the Liberal Democrat leader in his hometown of Sheffield. He made more headlines last night when he gathered together a group of his closest friends, and representatives from the nation’s media, to announce that he is going to be a father again, at the age of 72. He treated guests to a private performance from the last of the rat-pack crooners, Buddy Greco, who had turned up in his slippers. Stringy had hoped for a little more stardust to be present. He said: ‘I did invite Andy Coulson but he's still lying low.’ He mused further on Coulson's decline and fall: ‘I think the press have had a bad game with this hacking stuff, but why did no one hack me?

Steerpike is back in today's edition of The Spectator. Here is a sneak preview: 'Stanley Johnson, replete with energy and charming as ever, is touring the country looking for a safe Tory berth to ease himself into at the next election. No takers so far, I'm told, but the wily old bird has devised a brilliant ruse to boost his chances. He’s been dropping hints that his occupancy would last only until May 2016, when Boris's second mayoral term ends. Johnson Snr would then fall gracefully on his sword, leaving the seat vacant for the blond bombshell to launch his bid for the Tory leadership and Downing Street. The so-called ‘baby lotion strategy' (Johnson & Johnson) is proving hard for constituency chairmen to resist.

The Hurlingham Club hosted the Tories' annual fundraising Black and White Ball last night. Behind closed doors, the Prime Minister gave a speech to Tories with deep-pockets. There was none of the usual soft commentary the public get thanks to the joys of coalition; Dave was in partisan mode. It will be the end of the world as we know it if Labour gets back in. Cameron warned his audience that the 50p tax will be restored, the welfare cap will be abolished and the unions will be darkening the doors of Downing Street. 'A reasonably sound speech,' says my mole. The pink elephant in the room? Well, today’s gay marriage bill debate.