Steerpike

With Labour's list of all-male mayoral candidates announced last week, there has been some speculation that the potential loss of Andy Burnham to Manchester and Steve Rotheram to Liverpool will spell disaster for the Commons football team. While this of course hinges on both MPs being successful in their efforts, Mr S understands that should victory beckon Corbyn will have a far more pressing matter on his hands. As well as losing the shadow Home Secretary, the Labour leader would have to go without the man who preps him for PMQs.

In recent months, Downing St has played court to a turf war between No.10's chief mouser Larry and Palmerston, the Foreign Office's top cat. Things are only set to get more complicated now that the Treasury has also welcomed a feline -- by the name of Gladstone -- and the Cabinet Office are in talks to do the same. Unsurprisingly this new wave of pets has left some departments feeling rather left out. In fact, those in the newly formed Department for Brexit are now keen for their own pet. However, rather than a mere cat they are after a... British bulldog. The thinking is that the pooch -- widely seen as a symbol for plucky Brits -- would send a clear signal to the rest of Westminster and the world that they mean business.

After Nigel Farage achieved his aim of taking Britain out of the EU, he announced that he would be stepping down as leader of Ukip. However, with the subsequent leadership race since facing several setbacks -- with Steven Woolfe ruled ineligible and Bill Etheridge now caught up in a viagra row -- many kippers are already missing the days of Farage. While Farage has promised to stay closely involved with his party, could he be planning a German getaway?

As Theresa May's recently re-shuffled Cabinet get underway with the big task at hand, spare a thought for those who are having to get used to being on the sidelines. There was a cross-party outcry when Ed Vaizey was axed as culture minister with MPs from both Labour and the SNP praising his work in the role. Alas it seems that Vaizey is finding it difficult to adjust to a return to the backbench.

Now that Nigel Farage is stepping away from frontline politics, he has more time to focus on his family, television career and... appearance. In an interview for Russia Today (natch) with Sam Delaney, Farage has unveiled his new facial hair. With the look so far receiving a mixed reception online -- with some likening it to that of an American daytime television host -- Mr S welcomes your caption suggestions. The winner will be announced on Monday. Update: … and the winner is K G Barrett for coming up with a solution to Ukip's troubles in their leadership contest -- with the caption: ‘Nigel Farage? I'm sorry, I have never heard of him. My name is John Bull, and I'm standing for leadership of Ukip’.

Although Labour Conference is set to take place next month, doubts have surfaced over whether it will go ahead thanks to a security snag. After the party decided to boycott G4S -- their usual security supplier -- they have been left with few options when it comes to security firms for the event. A leaked memo to Guido last week revealed that the only security firm available to Labour at present is Liverpool-based Showsec. Alas, questions have been raised over their suitability as they are in the midst of a row with the GMB after being accused of not letting staff unionise. However, Mr S understands there is another option on the table.

Spare a thought for Eddie Izzard. Every campaign the cross-dressing comedian attaches himself to has a tendency to end in failure. After backing Ed Miliband in the General Election, Izzard found himself on the losing side once again in the EU referendum campaign when his tour of university campuses failed to swing it for Remain. Today he has missed out on a place on Labour's National Executive Committee. Izzard had hoped to be elected onto the party's NEC as part of his efforts to carve a career in politics. However, he ended up coming eighth, with the six available seats going to more Corbynista candidates. https://twitter.

Now that Michael Gove has returned to the backbenches, the former Justice Secretary can take heart that his new role will at least save him some awkward meetings, say for example, with the Queen. In an upcoming BBC documentary on Brexit, Nick Clegg blames Gove for the Sun's 'the Queen backs Brexit' splash. Published in March, the paper reported that the Queen clashed with Nick Clegg -- then Deputy Prime Minister -- over Europe at a lunch in 2011 at which Her Majesty declared the EU was ‘heading in the wrong direction’. Although Gove has previously denied being behind the story -- which the palace complained to Ipso about -- Clegg would care to disagree.

As David Cameron continues to receive flak over his resignation honours list, yesterday his old pal Steve Hilton stuck his head above the parapet to make his criticism be known. Not content with going against his old boss on the EU, Hilton -- who is Cameron's former director of strategy -- says the honours system is 'corrupt'. Alas it turns out not everyone on the Tory benches is so happy about Hilton sharing his views from across the pond. Richard Benyon, the former environment minister, took to Twitter to call Hilton a 'pompous arse': https://twitter.com/RichardBenyonMP/status/761118214386364416 It turns out that Hugo Swire -- who coincidentally received a knighthood in the aforementioned resignation honours -- agrees with Benyon.