Steerpike

Word reaches Steerpike of a dastardly plot to rob MPs of their favourite watering hole. The Strangers' Bar is located in the heart of the Palace of Westminster and has been plying honourable members with subsidised booze for generations. But now parliamentary bosses are feared to be considering the closure or dramatic overhaul of Strangers, under the pretext of Covid.  It follows a string of scandals at the establishment including the infamous Eric Joyce assault in 2012, with one Westminster regular muttering to Mr S darkly that 'a faction of men in tights want to kill it.

After the UK finished bottom of Eurovision on Saturday, you might have thought British hopeful James Newman was the big loser of the night. But step forward, Rhiannon Spear, SNP Greater Pollok representative, who managed to embarrass her newly re-elected party with a late night display of classlessness.The SNP's national women's convenor posted: 'It's ok Europe we hate the United Kingdom too. Love, Scotland.' Spear also serves as chair of Glasgow City Council’s education committee, tasked with the development of school curricula and educational attainment of children – what an example she sets them.

It has been an eventful years for Lord Nazir Ahmed. Created a life peer on the recommendation of Tony Blair back in 1998, the noble Lord repaid the favour by becoming one of Blair's most vociferous foreign policy critics, claiming that the government had tapped his phone and that the suicide bombers of 7/7 had an 'identity crisis.'  Since then he has been involved in various scandals including receiving a prison sentence for dangerous driving, blaming a Jewish conspiracy for the aforementioned sentence which led to his resignation from the Labour party and allegations of sexual impropriety which resulted in his retirement from the Lords just days before his expulsion.

For several years now New Zealand Jacinda Ardern has enjoyed the status of being one of the world's leading liberal icons. The popular premier has backed progressive policies like bereavement leave for miscarriage, gun control reforms and tackling period poverty. Her handling of the pandemic – completely shutting the country off from the rest of the world – was rewarded by the voters last October when she romped home in a landslide. Predictably of course such actions have been greeted with an orgy of fawning praise from politicians here in Britain.

George Eustice has not enjoyed an easy time since being elevated to the Cabinet last year. The environment secretary has had a lot on his plate with the Brexit fall out, pesticide squabbles, a department dominated by Goldsmith allies and near-endless rows about free trade deals impacting Britain's food. This week a Cabinet row over talks with Australia has exploded out into the open with Eustice's faction concerned about the consequences for British farmers if trade secretary Liz Truss secures a tariff-free deal. Not for nothing is a new nickname for the hapless minister now doing the rounds: George Useless.

Amid much gloom in Westminster over the threat posed by the new Covid Indian variant, Mr S was intrigued to hear a counter blast of optimism this morning from an unlikely source – Professor Neil Ferguson.  The epidemiologist appeared on Radio 4's Today programme in which he said that this new strain appears to be less transmissible than some have previously feared as the 'curves are flattening a little' according to the 'most recent data.' Presenter Nick Robinson asked: Transmissibility is this key thing that you're looking to get the answer to.

Pitch: a struggling politician eager to make his mark. He's 10 points behind in the polls, leading a fractitious party and struggling to prove he is the charismatic, dynamic and likeable leader his country needs. From where does he seek salvation? That time-honoured tradition of the fly on the wall documentary. Such an outlandish proposal could soon be all too real, according to the Times today which reports a production company is in talks with Sir Keir Starmer about the proposal. Broadcasters have been asked if they would be interested in showing the programme which some Labour sources believe could be an 'effective way to broadcast Starmer's personality to a larger slice of the electorate.

There has been much talk in recent years about the prospect of a so-called ‘progressive alliance’ coming together to lock the Conservatives out of power. During the Brexit era commentators such as Neal Lawson and Polly Toynbee excitedly speculated on the electoral success a cross party coalition comprising Labour, the Liberal Democrat and Green parties could enjoy, based on their shared mutual values. Zoe Williams claimed of such a tactic: 'when it works, it often looks more like a landslide' while Caroline Lucas wrote an article titled 'progressive alliances are the future of British politics.

Rallies for Palestine were held across the country this weekend which meant of course a starring role for one Jeremy Corbyn. The former Labour leader was introduced on the London platform by comedian Alexei Sayle who – in a move that will hardly aid Jezza's bid to be readmitted as a Labour MP – dubbed Corbyn's successor Keir Starmer 'a little shitbag' to rapturous cheers from the crowd. Corbyn told the crowds that international action provides 'succour, comfort and support' to those suffering in the conflict as they chanted 'oh, Jeremy Corbyn' and threw roses as he took to the stage.

Earlier this month the columnist Sarah Vine revealed in the Mail on Sunday that education secretary Gavin Williamson had been the recipient of a tearful phone call from a student over last year's A-level results day fiasco. Now two weeks later Mr S can go a step further in revealing the barrage of critical correspondence Williamson received in the immediate aftermath of the crisis. Parents, teachers, MPs and pupils bombarded Williamson with emails, obtained via a Freedom of Information request, with one angry grandmother telling the education secretary she had ‘never witnessed such injustice in the education system’ after an algorithm was employed to determine students’ results following the cancellation of summer exams.