Rod Liddle

Rod Liddle

Rod Liddle is associate editor of The Spectator.

Prince Philip is my favourite, but in fact I love all the royals

From our UK edition

I became a monarchist in the late afternoon of 19 November 2009; a dark and chilly day, damp brown leaves blowing balefully along the gutters, the smell in the air of a hard winter to come. This ended more than 30 years of what I considered principled soft-leftish republicanism; the notion that however practically effective and traditional the royal family might be — all those tourist dollars, plus a sense of national continuity — it was still sort of wrong. Monarchists would argue with me, saying listen, if we didn’t have the Queen, we’d have Tony Benn or Ken Livingstone or Boris Johnson as an elected president — an idea which rather appealed, frankly.

Getting interesting

From our UK edition

So, three weeks in and Vince Cable has resigned his position of deputy leader of the Liberal Democrats – ostensibly because he will be “too busy” to undertake the non-duties demanded by the post. Do you swallow that? I’m not sure that I do. Meanwhile, David Davis has emerged with guns blazing over the proposed hike in capital gains tax, with a clever statement which roots his objections in traditional Tory terms; don’t punish hard-working middle class people in order to make things easier for the feckless, overweight, shell-suited, Big Mac munching skag addled untermensch (or words to that effect).

Dudus’ ‘Shower Posse’: a model for diplomatic relations

From our UK edition

Hello – a pleasure to be back, having spent a week in Italy, a country which believes itself to be a part of the European Union. Charming people, very pleasant place, you must try it, if only to enjoy the spectacle of grown men pottering around on scooters eating ice-cream. I think I mildly prefer our equivalent, which is grown men throwing up and kicking shit out of each other. But it’s a close call. The excellent champers winners – I haven’t sent the bottles out yet, but will do in the next couple of days. Apologies for the delay; I promise it will be with you long before the coalition crumbles.

Was it in the public interest to stitch up Lord Triesman?

From our UK edition

No, says Rod Liddle, in fact it was against it — but you won’t see the Press Complaints Commission punishing the Mail on Sunday for breaching its own code You know as soon as you see the posed photograph of some sweetly smiling young and hitherto unknown bint on the front page of your morning newspaper that somewhere a man, probably a famous and powerful man, is in the doghouse. Stitched up by the papers, having been dragged towards his doom by the relentless, exhausting power of his own gonads. I say stitched up by the papers, but most of the time we can be more specific than that; it will almost certainly be a newspaper of which the editor-in-chief is also the chairman of the Press Complaints Commission’s Editorial Code of Practice, i.e. Paul Dacre.

From the ashes

From our UK edition

I’m due to fly to Italy with British Airways tomorrow morning for a wedding later in the week. The flight is in some doubt because of that bloody ash cloud from Iceland. So I did as BA want its customers to do and checked the “volcanic ash update” at BA.com. This told me that the flight was going ahead, no need to worry, etc. Comforted by this news, I nonetheless suddenly felt a twinge of doubt. So, to double check, I tapped in the details for a flight later today (Sun) to Belfast, because the TV news this morning told me that Northern Ireland airspace was closed. It said THAT flight was going ahead too. So I rang BA.

The real political fight was Boulton v Campbell

From our UK edition

Why can’t Alastair Campbell understand that proper journalists aren’t partisan and malevolent, asks Rod Liddle. Most of them just genuinely want to uncover the truth Who were you rooting for in the real political battle of the week, Adam Boulton of Sky News versus Alastair Campbell? It didn’t quite come to a ruck, which is an enormous shame, but Adam did pursue Campbell in the manner of one of those inexplicably angry men you sometimes meet in a kebab shop at two in the morning, driven by a splenetic fury and a sense of implacable self-righteousness and with sputum dribbling down the front of his nursery-coloured acrylic leisurewear. You can watch it right now, on YouTube, if you like.

Surely this’ll kill the Lib Dems

From our UK edition

Fixed term election? Five years? Can anyone, aside from Clegg, see this arrangement lasting longer than, say, next Friday afternoon at about four o clock? Can you really imagine inner city Lib Dem MPs, and those in the former north west cotton belt, supporting the sorts of cuts we will see in the emergency budget? And if they do support those cuts, they’ll be out of a job very soon indeed. The usually dependable Daniel Finkelstein has heralded all this as a brilliant re-alignment of British politics; but it may finish off the Lib Dems. And all for an honorific title – Deputy Prime Minister (the post used to keep Prescott and Heseltine quiet) and the promise of a referendum on AV, which they will surely lose.

Nail a cretin – the winner(s)!!!!

From our UK edition

Many thanks for all those of you who have submitted hilarious examples of the most ludicrous, stomach-churning balls spoke during that bizarre election campaign. I know I promised to have a result by Friday morning but I was still drunk as a consequence of celebrating the result in Redditch, so many apologies. It was a close call, in the end. I agree absolutely with Eddie who complained long and loud about repeated injunctions for “change”, “fairness”, “respect”, “hardworking families” and so on. Even more so with Mark who complained about the continual usage of the meaningless phrase “frontline services”. What are frontline services? But three winners of the bubbly.

After all the fuss, will anything actually change?

From our UK edition

Did you vote for change, then? Or did you, as David Cameron put it during the second of those frigid televised leaders’ debates, vote for ‘hope, not fear’? I decided in the end to vote for fear, as I’ve never been very keen on hope. I think hope is overrated, if we’re honest, whereas there is a dark, brooding intensity to fear. But change? Some things will change, I suppose, but a lot of the things which make people angry will not change at all, the sort of stuff that was rarely if ever mentioned during the election campaign, but which we know thoroughly annoys many people. Here is my list of things which will continue pretty much unabated, regardless of the election result.

Nail a Cretin and Win Some Bubbly – final chance

From our UK edition

So much epic bilge has been talked in these last four weeks that it will take me a long time to sort through the posts to find the most spastically stupid contribution. But expect a decision by nine o clock Friday morning. Obviously there have been some important entries since my last post on the subject: “What stupid bitch thought it would be a good idea to let me meet that bigoted racist old cow”, or words to that effect, from the Prime Minister, for example. But Cameron insisting that I must choose “hope - not fear” runs it pretty close. Please append your suggestions below. Meanwhile, I think my prediction a couple of weeks ago – which was, if I remember, something like 36 Con 28 Lab 24 Lib Dem – is holding up pretty well.

One crumb of comfort for Gordon

From our UK edition

One small piece of cheer for Gordon Brown as he heads towards annihilation is that he no longer has the support of The Guardian. That leaves it slightly easier for others of us to vote Labour. The Guardian has never been a party of the left, but instead one of the metro liberal faux left. It was, for a while, utterly besotted with the SDP – possibly the most high-born party to have contested an election in Britain since the Marquess of Rockingham in 1782. In a sense, Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger is being wholly consistent, in supporting whichever public schoolboy standing for PM has the cutest smile. Otherwise, if you are a Labour supporter, this has been a singularly depressing week or so.

The Asbo swan of Cambridge: a fable for our time

From our UK edition

A swan won’t take your eye out, says Rod Liddle. So why the health and safety paranoia? Never mind hung parliaments and the ending of the two-party dominance of British politics (a notion I seem to remember being mooted in about 1982) — here’s the important question of the week: was the BBC right to provoke that swan? It’s a story you may have missed while worrying yourself stupid over who to vote for, or the fact that the Greeks are skint again, or Icelandic ash sending planes spiralling to earth like sycamore keys in an autumn gale.

What would you like me to ask David Miliband?

From our UK edition

What question should I ask David Miliband on tomorrow’s (Friday) edition of the Campaign Show on BBC News? All contributions gratefully received, even those which are not obscene or make references to the Liebore Party, etc etc. There may be another politician on the show who will keep you amused for a while. In the meantime, hell, come on, spare me the research; what do you want to know from the Banana Kid?

Labour’s contempt for the white working class

From our UK edition

I suppose it is the perfect expression of how and why the Labour Party has lost the white working class vote in the last fifteen years; it has only contempt for them. Opposition to immigration - as we know from Neathergate, well before Bigotgate – is seen by Labour has being rooted in a stupid xenophobia; no matter how mildly expressed, anyone who fears we may have let a few too many people into the country is at heart a racist, a bigot. This cat has been out of the bag for a while now, but it is still something the party denies in public. This is why Lord Mandelson was so swift and insistent that Brown had not MEANT that Gillian Duffy was a bigot, he did not really think that at all. But he does think that. They all do.

Delaying gratification

From our UK edition

I’m a bit late to this, so apologies, but there’s a very good piece in the current issue of the magazine by Andrew M Brown, about why almost everybody is fat. Andrew suggests that as a consequence of the class system breaking down, we no longer know when we are supposed to eat and so, like cows, we eat all the time. He makes a persuasive case but I’m not sure that he is right. It is true that, coming from a working class background, I have often been confused by existing class terminology for meals. For example, when I first started work for The Spectator I asked the then deputy editor, the lovely Stuart Reid, what time I should file my copy.

Steven Mulvain’s a hypocrite but he doesn’t deserve to be sacked

From our UK edition

What should we do about Steven Mulvain, the young civil servant who suggested that the Pope, when he arrives for his visit here, should be asked to open an abortion clinic, or sponsor a new brand of “Benedict” condoms? If you haven’t already read about the case, here it is. Mulvain’s email is certainly typical of a certain faux left, middle class, public-school educated mindset, one which reeks of self-righteousness and moral superiority, and which I suspect is prevalent throughout the modern civil service (and indeed most of the public sector).

Maladroit Mandy

From our UK edition

I find the way the Prime Ministerial debates have been spun by the media and commentators more interesting than the debates themselves. It seemed clear to me that Gordon Brown was the real loser of the first debate, as all the post-event polls suggested, and yet the media – even the Tory papers – stuck the boot into David Cameron. In the last debate I thought Brown substantially improved and most of the post-event polls showed little distance between him and Cameron – and yet this time, Brown has been spun as the loser. I ought to add, I am not commenting upon their actual performances during the debates – all three, on both occasions, behaved like meerkats on acid – just the polls and the way the press reported the story.

The elevation of Nick Clegg shows we’ve reached a new low

From our UK edition

It doesn’t matter what the Lib Dem leader stands for, says Rod Liddle. In the era of X Factor politics, people can decide, on a whim, that he should be Prime Minister Is Nick Clegg better than Winston Churchill, as a recent opinion poll seemed to suggest? The obvious answer is yes, of course — because Nick is still alive. Winston Churchill died in 1965 and I have the silver commemorative crown coin to prove it, and a very vague memory of standing somewhere crowded in central London with my mum and dad, watching his large coffin being loaded onto some riverboat. But that is the only area, so far as I can see, where Nick has the edge over Winnie — i.e., he hasn’t yet entirely decomposed.

Our cross to bear

From our UK edition

Terrific stuff from Nick Clegg, reported in the Daily Mail here. Nick suggests Britain has a misplaced sense of superiority as a consequence of winning the second world war, should recognize that Germany has become a “vastly” more prosperous country and that we have a “greater cross to bear” than the Germans for the events of 1939-45. This is interesting because it is precisely the views of almost all foreigners, except for maybe the Norwegians. Nick seemed to have formed these notions while serving as an MEP, open to the influence of those Europeans around him and to whom he was inclined to suck up, and maybe also the input from his Spanish missus (they really hate us) and his own Dutch ancestry.

Taking on the Dear Leader of Stoke Newington

From our UK edition

I notice that the journalist Suzanne Moore is standing against Diane Abbott in Hackney North and Stoke Newington. Good for her. I know some of you may consider an Abbott-Moore contest to be on a par with, say, Gaddafy versus Assad, but Suzanne is at least not a hypocrite. She’s got a fight on her hands though; one assumes Abbott is carried around the constituency every day on a giant litter, accompanied by hordes of schoolchildren chanting rap anthems in her honour. It is very hard to match that sort of charisma, outside of Pyongyang. But good luck Suzanne, stick it to the woman.