Rod Liddle

I think on balance I would prefer people to demonstrate their opposition to political developments — Brexit, the forthcoming state visit of Donald Trump and so on — by setting fire to themselves in the manner of outraged Buddhist monks, rather than simply by clicking ‘sign’ on some internet petition. I think the self-immolation thing carries more force. It is true that a mass conflagration of a million and a half people in Trafalgar Square would, in the short term, greatly exacerbate the appalling smog afflicting London as a consequence of wood-burning stoves. But as most of the signatories of the petition against Trump coming probably own all of those stoves, we would be killing two birds with one stone.

The language of the left is a truly transformative grammar, so I suppose Noam Chomsky would heartily approve. There are words which, when uttered by a leftie, lose all sense of themselves — such as ‘diverse’ and ‘vibrant’ and ‘racist’. It is not simply that these words can mean different things to different people — it is that when the left uses them they are at best a euphemism and at worst a downright lie. And from that you have to draw the conclusion that their whole political edifice is built upon a perpetually shifting succession of imaginative falsehoods. Such as when they tell you you’re a ‘denier’ of something — child sexual abuse or climate change, for example.

The language of the left is a truly transformative grammar, so I suppose Noam Chomsky would heartily approve. There are words which, when uttered by a leftie, lose all sense of themselves — such as ‘diverse’ and ‘vibrant’ and ‘racist’. It is not simply that these words can mean different things to different people — it is that when the left uses them they are at best a euphemism and at worst a downright lie. And from that you have to draw the conclusion that their whole political edifice is built upon a perpetually shifting succession of imaginative falsehoods. Such as when they tell you you’re a ‘denier’ of something — child sexual abuse or climate change, for example.

What has the left been doing wrong? This is a question which has taxed many minds. But at last we have an answer – from the ever reliable Hadley Freeman of the Guardian. The first part of her paragraph below makes no grammatical sense whatsoever – but it’s the sentence I’ve put in italics that does it for me. 'Similarly, terms such as “mainstream media, or MSM” (translation: journalism I don’t like), “experts” (people who say things I don’t like) and “identity politics” (politics that don’t assume the primacy of straight white men) were redefined, while not-very-codified euphemisms such as “swarm” and “global order” continue to perpetuate racism and antisemitism.

Welcome to 2017! And eight days in, it’s time for one of those apologies again. You know, the cringing acts of self-abasement issued in order to save someone’s job and for which there was no need whatsoever. Northampton Town got well and truly stuffed by Bristol Rovers on Saturday. Five nil. And Bristol Rovers aren’t much to write home about – even Charlton hammered them. So Northampton manager Rob Page was incensed. He lambasted his team at half time and later said that it had been a case of 'men against girls'. Yup. You know what’s coming. Here’s his apology: 'After the match I made a comment, when speaking to our local media, about the game being a case of "men against girls". 'I immediately realised that this comment was totally unacceptable.

Now is the time of year to take down the Christmas decorations from your front window and put up, in their place, the anti-immigration posters. Please display them prominently and make sure the message on each is suitably strident. It behoves all of us to do this, as quickly as possible, even — perhaps especially — if we are liberally minded. For this is not about immigration, per se. It is to show solidarity with Ms Anne Maple, who is aged 61 and unfortunate enough to live in Lewisham. I do not know Ms Maple personally. It may well be that, rather than a sainted individual, she is a meddlesome old ratbag.

I ate some Ritz Crackers the other day, for the first time in more than 40 years, I would guess. And it worried me. I remember Ritz Crackers as being very salty – it’s why I liked them so much as a kid. It was also why my dad didn’t like them. And yet the biscuits I ate this week seemed blandly devoid of salt and were, I felt, unsatisfying. So the question is this – either Ritz has been bullied into reducing its salt content substantially, or the salt content in the other foods I eat these days is so shockingly high that Ritz seem to lack savour by comparison. Or both, I suppose. Anyone got a clue? Most of the treats of my youth have changed for the worse, mind, or vanished altogether. Mars bars are much less dense, for example.

Now that post-Marxian vacuous liberalism is over, it is surely about time that we revived the vigorous writings of Thomas Carlyle and made him fashionable once again. He is too little read and admired these days, perhaps partly on account of his arguably controversial treatise ‘Occasional Discourse on the Negro Question’ (1849) — which, while well intentioned, may nonetheless these days ruffle one or two feathers on our university campuses, or within the BBC. But there was of course a lot more to Thomas Carlyle than simply a benign, if misguided, wish to abolish slavery while keeping a few blacks on as indentured house servants. He was very astringent on celebrity culture, economics, the French revolution and, perhaps most importantly, prisons.

If Trump wins, I wonder if the BBC will be as exultant as it was in 2008, when Obama won? Here’s a small bet – it won’t be. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. It’s almost worth him winning for that alone. Oh, and for the Guardian’s tears. I don’t like Trump. There seems to be no coherence to his policies. He is boorish, sure. But it is his inarticulacy and apparent stupidity that bothers me more. That being said, if you are British and a pragmatist you should be hoping for Trump to win. It is incredible the degree to which this particular facet of the US election – easily the most important to us over here – has been ignored by the media.