Matt Percival

‘Sounds like complete chaos back home.’

‘This next game is called “Pin the blame on the donkey”.’

‘Temperatures are rising.’

‘If not now then when?’

‘I think it’s been spiked.’

‘They’ll never knowingly be sold.’

‘I was told to stand in the corner and self-isolate.’

‘The PM wants a boosterism jab developed by the autumn.’

‘I’m going to have to delay any further unlocking.’

‘Before we begin, shall we say grace period?’

‘It’s all Covid to me.’

‘According to the roadmap, I’d have expected you to have opened up by now.’

‘Nobody ever asks me about my mental health.’

‘I can’t imagine having four children.’

‘Next slide please.’

‘That’s disappointing — I was expecting an increase of 1 per cent.’