Lloyd Evans

Lloyd Evans

Lloyd Evans is The Spectator's sketch-writer and theatre critic

PMQs: Starmer lacked a forensic touch

From our UK edition

It really is crunch time. The international game of Texas Hold’em is reaching its climax. The lesser players have folded. Only two high-rollers remain at the table. Beads of sweat are appearing on their brows. Each is feeling for a lucky charm discreetly held in a side-pocket, and each is scouring the other's eyes for signs of fear or uncertainty. The turn of a card will determine the outcome. This is the position as Boris prepares for tonight’s summit feast with Ursula von der Leyen. At PMQs, he was confronted by Sir Keir Starmer who appeared via video-link from his Camden home. Labour’s spin-team missed a golden opportunity here.

Absorbing and beautifully designed: Jane Eyre reviewed

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Blackeyed Theatre is another victim of the virus. Its production of Jane Eyre was midway through a UK tour, and due to visit China for a month, when the pandemic shot its plans to bits. Last month the show was revived on stage and committed to film. Kelsey Short (Jane) leads a team of just five actors who tell the story as Charlotte Brontë wrote it. The costumes, hairstyles and habits of speech seem authentically Victorian. The director, Adrian McDougall, has rejected the fashionable habit of presenting Jane as a rad-fem freedom fighter surrounded by grotesque male oppressors. His version reminds us how sympathetic the novel is towards men. Mr Rochester (Ben Warwick) is a romantic enigma, a dashing, grizzled buccaneer who is also decent, honourable and kind-hearted.

PMQs: Johnson jabs at Starmer’s Covid queries

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That was risky. The PM came to the House for today’s session with nothing at all in his briefing folder. Not a fact. Not a statistic. Not a single detail to rebuff his opponents. Usually he tosses out figures in all directions to create the impression of authority and control. Today he had nothing more than a little speech of thanks for Pfizer’s Covid jab which has just got the OK from the regulatory boffins. ‘I would like to thank all those who have made this possible,’ he said, like a tearful starlet clutching a Golden Globe. Sir Keir Starmer echoed his delight. ‘Fantastic news,’ he gushed. Then he treated the House to some mental arithmetic. There are 800,000 jabs ready to go, he said, and each patient needs a double dose.

Skilful and riveting: The Poltergeist at the Southwark Playhouse reviewed

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Sasha is angry. He’s a gay artist on his way to his niece’s birthday party and he keeps popping codeine pills to get him through the dull ceremony ahead. His devoted boyfriend, Chet, hasn’t realised that Sasha’s drug habit is a full-blown addiction but Sasha is highly secretive. He shows us two sides of his nature at once. Outside, he’s a friendly smiling uncle who dutifully attends family celebrations. Inside he’s spitting with rage at his brother’s cosy life and its trite domestic rituals. When he greets his pregnant sister-in-law he grins politely while fuming to himself: ‘There’s a billion family photos here. If I spat anywhere I’d hit one.

Rishi Sunak’s New Labour pretensions

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The House welcomed the Chancellor, Rishi Sunak, as he announced his spending commitments for the coming year. Rish the Dish delivered all kinds of goals and priorities for the UK but he left his personal plans in obscurity. Or did he? The Chancellor’s naked ambition may be sheathed in a Jermyn Street suit but his strategy is easy to read: knife the Honey Monster and evict him from his lair. Today he was addressing himself to his colleagues in cabinet, and in the wider party, and he wanted to show political intelligence and presentational shrewdness. His critics have already accused him of betraying the NHS by freezing pay settlements for the next 12 months, and he dodged that bullet by guaranteeing to boost the earnings of a million health workers.

Should this actress have been fired over a Facebook post?

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Here’s what happened. Last year, a young actress, Seyi Omooba, was cast as Celie in a musical version of The Color Purple at Leicester's Curve Theatre. Celie is a victim of sexual abuse who later finds comfort in a lesbian tryst with a nightclub singer. In the 1985 film, directed by Steven Spielberg, the role was played by Whoopi Goldberg. Miss Omooba is a practising Christian who believes that gay sex is sinful. Back in 2014, when she was just 20, she posted a statement on Facebook citing 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. She said:  ‘I do not believe homosexuality is right, though the law of this land has made it legal doesn’t mean it is right.

As an essay in cheap comedy the show is a great success: Emilia reviewed

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Emilia is a period piece about Emilia Bassano who may have been the ‘dark lady’ of Shakespeare’s sonnets. The writer, Morgan Lloyd Malcolm, declines to turn the subject into a history play and instead creates a larky sketch show with snippets of literary gossip. Our heroine enters as a frightened teenager contemplating the horrors of courtship: ‘Men sniff at me like dogs.’ Marriage, she shudders, will crush her, mind and body. ‘As I grow, I must shrink.’ She’s also a poet who needs a publisher but she’s thwarted by institutional sexism in the book trade. ‘Women’s poetry?’ screeches a male reader. ‘The most dangerous rubbish I’ve ever seen.

Why can’t Starmer make blundering Boris pay?

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That looked pretty weird. The self-isolating PM attended parliament today from a remote location. His advisers had blundered badly. They might have created a warm, friendly look by seating Boris in a big leather armchair, lit by honey-coloured lamps, and surrounded by portraits of his latest children. Instead they’d emptied out a cubby-hole in a Downing Street attic and stuck him at a desk in a grey suit. He looked like a drug lord being quizzed in a Heathrow interview booth. It’s been a typical week for the PM. He’s lost two key advisers and let a rumour spread that his fiancée is running the country.

Racists will love it: National Theatre’s Death of England – Delroy reviewed

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Death of England: Delroy is a companion piece to Death of England, which ran in February at the NT and examined the white working classes. Here the focus is on a successful black Briton, Delroy, who votes Tory and feels at home in multicultural society. The charismatic Michael Balogun plays him as a complex, shrewd and humane figure. He likes to mock white people who judge others according to superficialities like accent and pronunciation. And he recalls his horrified excitement when a white girl at school calmly placed her finger inside his boxer shorts. Delroy has plenty of white pals including his girlfriend, Carly, who is expecting their child. The only antisocial voice in his life belongs to his mother, a Jamaican bigot, who objects to Carly’s ethnicity.

Keir Starmer’s undiplomatic incident at PMQs

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America loomed large at PMQs. The Labour leader, Sir Keir Starmer, blundered immediately. None of his advisers seem to know that Americans are highly sensitive to putdowns from snooty Brits. And Sir Keir – who is not just a posh Englishman but a Knight of the Bath as well – reinforced the stereotype by smearing the 70 million citizens who voted Republican. He called the Democratic victory ‘a new era of decency and compassion in the White House.’ In return for suggesting that half of America is indecent and uncaring, Sir Keir gained absolutely nothing. Keep him away from foreign affairs. He also struggled to score against Boris.

The Beeb could turn this script into TV gold: Howerd’s End reviewed

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It’s touch and go whether the theatre will survive this latest assault. Some venues have pushed back their entire programme by four weeks, which is chaotic but manageable. Theatres mounting a panto are in a trickier position because they can’t trust Gove and Johnson not to extend the curfew into the festive season. November is the month when companies start to book venues for the Brighton Festival in May. What to do? Take the plunge or wait it out for another year? And the big decision about Edinburgh 2021 will have to be faced before the winter is over. The lockdown in spring was a financial and professional calamity but this new onslaught adds a spiritual element — despair.

PMQs: Starmer breezes past Boris’s whopping contradictions

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He was winging it. Definitely. The PM almost certainly spent half the night watching the electoral quagmire in America. And at today’s PMQs he seemed flaccid and repetitive, full of diverting orotundities. Usually, he readies himself with facts and figures to spew out. But he’d done no homework, and he committed an unforced blunder from the off. Sir Keir Starmer blamed him for not imposing a national lockdown earlier. The circuit-breaker had first been proposed on 21 September when just 11 Covid deaths were reported in a single day. The latest total, from Monday, was 397. Sir Keir called this ‘a staggering 35-fold increase.’ Boris defended himself: ‘The regional approach was actually showing signs of working,’ he said.

Finally a lockdown drama that will endure: James Graham’s Bubble reviewed

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Theatres can open if they want to. That’s the current position. The only factor keeping a playhouse dark is a lack of guts or imagination on the part of its leadership. A small pub in Vauxhall, The Eagle, is mounting new plays in its garden space to raise everyone’s morale. Punters must wear masks and sit in bubbles. ‘We’re adhering to the government guidelines,’ announced the artistic director before the start, ‘which are changing all the time.’ The show is a feelgood musical about drifters and dreamers in their twenties trying to make it in New York. Waverley wants to be an actress but her plans are blown off course by a tempting job offer from a law firm. What to do?

The mix of slapstick and sermonising is certainly original: In Bad Taste reviewed

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In Bad Taste is a slapstick comedy about five female terrorists who murder the governor of the Bank of England. They chop him to pieces, cook him in a casserole and devour the lot. Their plan is to ‘eat the rich’, literally, and to trigger a worldwide revolution. After this grimly hilarious opening the script takes a sharp U-turn when one of the women makes a speech denouncing misogynists. The others agree to drop the revolt against the wealthy and to hunt down nasty men instead. Each woman suggests a candidate for execution: a male colleague who works too sluggishly, a father-in-law who makes judgmental comments, a drunkard who gropes barmaids. The killing begins. Nine victims are axed to death and their bodies cannibalised. The police launch a manhunt.

Sir Keir Starmer let himself down at PMQs

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It was Sir Tier Starmer at PMQs today. Labour’s leader bounced into the Chamber with his bonce brimful of data about the three tier restrictions. But it was all irrelevant chaff. Both leaders have broadly agreed to treat the UK population as lab-rats. The only difference is how the scurrying rodents will be managed. Boris says his flexible method will curb the bug without clobbering the economy. Sir Keir wants a jackboot lockdown, amounting to a national curfew, starting this Friday. What Sir Keir can’t predict is what will happen if his circuit-breaker doesn’t break the circuit. Will he try to smash it again? If so, how many times before he admits failure? He ignored these problems and just carped at Boris’s experiment. And he let himself down badly.

The jackboot zealotry of ushers is ruining theatre

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Southwark Playhouse has revived an American show, The Last Five Years, whose run was cancelled in March. In advance, I received an email outlining the theatre’s new rules, which appeared to exceed the minimum legal requirements. At the venue, I found that the main entrance had become the exit while the side door had become the main entrance. What for? Perhaps an unsubtle reminder that ‘everything’s changed now, pal, so get used to it’. The queue on the pavement moved at a turtle’s pace because the usher gave each playgoer a homily about the new regime before allowing them to pass through Checkpoint Charlie. Inside it was like an army hospital. Sentries in the corridors regulated our access to the loos.

PMQs: Keir Starmer is too clever by half

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Sir Keir’s approach to PMQs is so brilliant it might be rather foolish. He shows up each Wednesday as if he were attending a particularly complicated fraud trial, full of unique and intriguing features, which will one day furnish material for a lecture at Inner Temple. It’s super-technical. It makes your brain itch. And anyone can see why the Labour leader enjoys this fact-based approach — his head actually looks like a filing cabinet. The last seven months have created a huge archive of evidence, statistics and scientific statements which Sir Keir seems to have learned by rote. Today he started with a history lesson. He took us back to early May when the Prime Minister said something. Then he skipped to mid-September when Sage said something else.

A night of angry pipsqueaks: Young Vic’s 50th birthday gala reviewed

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When Kwame Kwei-Armah took over the Young Vic a ‘Black Lives Matter’ sign was strapped to the front of the building. One of BLM’s aims is the overthrow of capitalism and it’s widely assumed in theatreland that Kwame, who is great fun to meet, has embraced this goal by adjusting the Young Vic’s pay structures so that he earns no more than the bar staff and the cleaners. Happily the pay cut seems not to have affected his mood, and last weekend he was fizzing with anticipation as he hosted the Young Vic’s 50th birthday gala. ‘We’re in the house. Make some noise,’ he cried. ‘Shake off the cobwebs!’ He introduced a medley of performances by ‘artists, thinkers, academics and musicians’.

PMQs: Starmer flaps as Boris adapts

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Well that was different. Boris arrived at PMQs as if he were modelling for one of his cartoons. The strands of his famous hairdo were standing up like the quills of a cornered hedgehog. Had he just placed his thumb in a power-socket to get an energy boost? Sir Keir was waiting for him, inscrutable, serpent-like, coiled for the kill. Right now the Labour leader has a host of juicy attack-lines to choose from. But Sir Keir loves a problem crammed with facts and figures and intricate chronologies. Today he and his super-wonks had found just the sort of issue they crave. The test-and-trace system managed to lose 16,000 positive results which meant that 48,000 people were unreachable for eight days. Sir Keir set this out with icy precision. ‘A very basic mistake,’ he scolded.

Enjoyable but hardly classic Alan Bennett: The Outside Dog & The Hand of God reviewed

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The season of Alan Bennett’s Talking Heads continues at the Bridge. In The Hand of God we meet Celia, a posh antiques dealer, who befriends old maids in the hope of acquiring their valuables cheaply. Like everyone in her trade she uses play-acting and mind games to give her the advantage while haggling. If her enemy falters, she pounces. A man visits her shop and becomes visibly excited by a framed drawing which Celia hoped to flog for £30. Spotting his eagerness, she trebles the price. He pays up and hurries out. Later she learns that the drawing was by an old master whose style she failed to recognise. Millions have slipped through her fingers. Kristin Scott Thomas is well cast as this suburban snake in the grass. All the visuals are beautifully judged.