Jonathan Miller

France is voting after three weeks of campaigning, backstabbing, attacks on more than 50 politicians so far, some light rioting, promises by the left to reverse the laws of fiscal gravity, worried bond-traders, ranting Trots, green-religionist raving – and, coming up tonight, the decimation of president Macron’s Ensemble group in the National Assembly, and with it his hopes of using the final three years of his presidency to implement his unfulfilled vision of France. The disorder of France has been exclusively provoked by Macron through his dissolution of the National Assembly on 9 June, after the president’s repudiation in the European Parliament elections. French voters joined Germans, Italians, Dutch and others in a revolt against the political order.

Nigel Farage says the NHS ‘isn’t working’ and has suggested the UK adopt a French-style heathcare system. He’s evidently been reading my articles here and here. French healthcare isn’t perfect but compared to the bedlam of what most British politicians refer to as ‘our’ NHS, it’s fabulous. I speak from knowledge. I have experience as a patient in both Britain and France. I know where I’d rather be sick. Nobody here seems to be waiting 84 hours in an emergency room, as one NHS patient did in Scotland in 2022. When I was unfortunate enough to attend A&E at the Royal Surrey Hospital a few years ago after falling off a horse, the wait was interminable and the toilets were filthy. My complaint was met by an indifferent shrug.

‘Maoré na Farantsa paka tcho!’, Emmanuel Macron declared five years ago campaigning in Mamoudzou, speaking the local language of Shimaoré in the capital city of Mayotte, a French-ruled archipelago-commune in the Indian Ocean. Translation: Mayotte and France, for ever, in life until death. The French president returned to the islands this week to play emperor but his empire looks like it’s falling apart.  Even by the standard of Macron’s habitual wishful thinking, Mayotte is a disaster. Like much of the French empire – an empire that pretends not to be one – Macron indulges a fantasy that its remote colonies are really just part of France itself. Racked with riots, crime and poverty, the latest problem in Mayotte is a flux of African refugees hated by the locals.

'More sex please, we’re French,' declared, in effect, France's president Emmanuel Macron on Wednesday, demanding that his compatriots counteract a catastrophically collapsing birth rate. France's fertility is at its lowest level since the end of World War II — perhaps ironically, since the French consider themselves the world’s greatest lovers. Macron has announced a 'demographic rearmament' for the country including free fertility checks for young people and a new paid maternity and paternity allowance. New parents, including fathers, will be able to take three months off and be paid half their salary up to €1,900 which could cumulate to a baby bonus of €11,400 per family. Will it really make much difference?

Rebecca, a British friend who taught theatre studies at a celebrated English public school before she was brutally sacked during the pandemic, moved to France and looked for a job. After putting out feelers, she got a phone call from the director of a lycée (high school) in a socially challenging neighbourhood of Béziers, a city in the Occitanie region of southern France. Would she be willing to teach English, replacing a prof who’d signed off sick with stress? Game for most things, she agreed, and quickly regretted it. Her class of 40 included, she estimated, roughly 4 students who had any interest whatsoever in learning anything. The rest, when they bothered to show up, spent their time playing games and watching TikTok videos on their smartphones.

When Emmanuel Macron launched his campaign to win the French presidency eight years ago, he promised to cut the number of civil servants in France by 50,000 and impose fundamental reforms on the bloated state. So how’s that going? In 2017 when Macron was elected there were 5.6 million fonctionnaires. By 2021 there were 5.7 million. Last year there were 60,000 more. Debureaucratisation starts to look less like a bonfire of regulations than a tool to let bureaucrats regulate more, with less effort So new promises to streamline France’s gargantuan bureaucracy must be taken with several kilograms of fleur de sel.