Janet de Botton

Goodbye 2020 and don’t come back. Worst part for bridge players? All the matches and tournaments have been moved online, which is not ideal as it is too easy to cheat. But for me the worst thing about it is the absence of that indefinable thing called table presence, easily the best part of my game. Here is a hand from a sneaky rubber bridge game, where I did rather well. Artur Malinowski, my professional partner for about 15 years and my primary teacher, was sitting West in a fairly high-stake rubber game and led the ♥5 to the 6, Queen and Ace. I noticed that when I leapt confidently to slam, Artur, who normally passes or bids in a creamily smooth way, glanced at my bid, looked towards his bidding box, stretched out his hand and a fraction of a second later passed.

Many years ago I remember Tor Helness, the great Norwegian champion, going into the semi-final of a world championship saying: ‘Whatever happens I am not going to make a mistake.’ They won (the final too, actually) and I asked him if he had succeeded in playing perfectly. ‘No,’ he admitted. ‘Nobody plays perfectly and I made two mistakes.’ If he can’t do it where does that leave the rest of us? It’s always worth giving declarer a guess if you can, even if s/he is a world champ (see diagram). North-South has (in theory) done brilliantly in the auction, reaching a very playable slam with only 25 HCP.

The rubber bridge world has lost one of its best and most flamboyant players; David Herman was an emaciated, elegant American lawyer who made TGRs his second home. If David wasn’t in the club, you knew he was either travelling or sick. I last saw him the day before lockdown in March. He got into a taxi and said: ‘See you soon, sweetie — when they sort out this mess.’ Alas it was not to be. I got a call in June to say he had passed away. Cutting in at his table was always exciting as he generated so much action. Some players thought his style was too aggressive and didn’t like to play with him but I loved it. Here is a hand where he blasted game in NTs, giving the opponents no information on how to defend (see diagram). A typical Hermie auction.

How many times have we had it hammered into us: ‘When dummy goes down, plan the play’? Well, if we are playing with Nick Sandqvist, probably every time we pick up a hand and then again when we floor a frigid game. These days Nick plays mainly with Natalie Shashou, a very talented relative newcomer and as bridge-obsessed as it is possible to be. Their team won Stefan Skorchev and Christophe Grosset’s first online tournament, the E-Open. Today’s hand, played by Natalie, certainly helped propel them to the winning spot. The contract was the same at both tables, as was the opening lead of the King of clubs. At the other table an English International won the Ace of clubs — and lost the match.

When (if) the world returns to normal and live bridge tournaments resume, there are two things I will miss after all these months of virtual everything: playing in my onesie and the UNDO button. The UNDO button does what it says on the packet. If you ‘misclick’ you press it and you can correct your bid or play, if your opponents agree. Obv you have to do it quickly and it is technically only for clear mechanical errors (for instance you intend to press Pass but accidentally hit 7nt). Occasionally I have wondered whether players were using it as soon as they realised they had made a mistake. You can reject the request for an undo, but in practice that rarely happens. And even more occasionally, allowing an UNDO is the only way to make your contract (see diagram).

One of the things that makes bridge so endlessly fascinating is that it is forever changing and growing. At high levels, bidding theory evolves all the time. Slam bidding has become much more accurate, conventions such as Gazzilli are used by many and transfers after a 1♣ opening are almost standard. Most good players know the percentage plays in their contracts and most good declarers will succeed or fail along the same lines as the rest of the field. The most interesting techniques for me are the ‘psychological’ plays. To imagine how things look to the opponents is something only the very best can do. Take a look at this hand, played by World Champion Peter Berteau, in an online Pairs Event (see diagram). North had an almost impossible bid over the weak 2♦.

When I first learnt bridge, my teacher (not known as bossy boots for nothing) would thump the table when dummy came down and boom: ‘What is your plan?’. I could hardly say I didn’t know I needed one. When I understood what he meant, things became a little clearer, until he introduced ‘Plan B’, reassessing the situation at some point in the play because things have changed. I was reminded of this as we were watching the final of a strong Online Mixed competition (see diagram). North’s 3♣ promised some values, enabling South to judge that 6♠ should be reasonable — which it was — and West led her singleton Diamond.

The bridge world has lost some glittering stars this (ghastly) year, the latest being France’s Catherine d’Ovidio — multiple world and European champion. She described herself in a recent interview as a ‘difficult partner, lovely teammate’. I prefer Tony Forrester’s comment on Bridgewinners: ‘She was adorable and a really outstanding card player.’ Today’s deal is from the World Mind Games held in China in 2012. Many pairs reached 3NT, but only one brought it home (see diagram). Three rounds of spades cleared the suit for the defence and revealed that West had started with six spades. Catherine had seven top tricks and two more could easily come from the diamond suit.

I have not played a single hand of bridge for about a month, neither have I kibitzed online. Ergo I have no bridge stories to tell and no players to tell them about. However, I have been reading a bit and one of my favourite bridge books is Geir Helgemo’s Bridge With Imagination. In most of the featured hands he finds some magical stardust to sprinkle over the cards, bamboozling the opps with his brilliance. Unusually, today’s hand, from the 2000 Bermuda Bowl round robin, features his teammates, fellow Norwegians Boye Brogeland and Erik Saelensminde (aka Silla) see diagram. West led a low heart which South (Silla) won with the queen.

I am frankly repulsed by the latest cheats, exposed after the online invitational Alt and OCBL tournaments. When F2F bridge became impossible, a few innovative bridge organisers came up with a sensational alternative that enabled world-class players to compete against each other online and the rest of the (bridge) world to watch and learn from their play. Sadly too tempting for Michal Nowosadzki and Sylvia Shi, respectively Polish and American World Champions, who, when investigated and confronted, ‘voluntarily confessed’ to self-kibitzing (seeing all four hands by logging on with two devices) throughout. Of course kibitzing was instantly banned (as were they), ruining the fun for thousands and making everyone else’s results and efforts meaningless.

Last week I got an email from one of my readers — the other one is possibly away for the summer. His name was Paddy and he wrote as follows: ‘Dear Janet, I love your column [I warmed to him immediately] but I have been rather confused lately. I’m not a good player, and I have spent most of my life trying to win tricks as cheaply as possible, but recently you have featured several hands where you advocate playing an unnecessarily high card. I think learning players like myself would be better served by just reading about plain, old-fashioned good bridge.’ I take your point Paddy, but sometimes it is hard to distinguish between the two. Today’s hand is about plain old-fashioned good bridge, with one problem — the contract made.

The French Online Open, in which 32 teams competed over a marathon two weeks — seven days round robin and seven days playoffs — was won by the only English entry, Team Sushi, made up entirely of London players, and captained by Nick Sandqvist. I was watching a set in one of the semifinals when this hand cropped up, featuring Nick in his favourite contract of 3NT. How would you view the hand when West leads the ◆5 to East’s Jack? An intermediate player would probably just assume he has to guess Clubs and get on with it. More advanced players start to get into the psychology of the game and how things look to the other side. He would not want West on lead because West knows the Diamond suit is going nowhere and is very likely to find the killing Heart switch.

What do we want? We want to play bridge. But who anticipated Covid-19 was going to close every bridge club in the country — make that the universe — and also cancel (or postpone) every tournament, big or small, world championship or fun. It seemed to take a nanosecond to move everything online and not much longer for Dutch player/writer/journalist Jan van Cleeff, with help from Holland’s bridge elite, to set up the ALT Invitational series which ended its first season last week, with Team Gupta beating Team Lavazza (both fielding multi world champs) in a virtual world-class final. Would they have got this one right at the table? (See diagram). N/S had done well to get to 3NT, given West’s point-poor opening. West led the ♠Jack to Declarer’s Queen.

I am so useless in defence it’s embarrassing. My partners all say the same thing: slow down and think. I say: ‘I don’t know what to think about.’ In the 2-card ending, I unerringly play the wrong card, which brings on the annoying response: ‘You knew Declarer had a heart and a spade left.’ Well, funnily enough, I didn’t know or I would have got it right. And don’t get me started on when to cover and when to duck. Which is why I make no apology for today’s hand, which features me getting a defence right. We have been playing the ALT invitational tournaments online since lockdown. Eight teams, all of which feature world-class players. First decision: do you bid over 1NT with West’s hand?

When did we change from being a nation of curtain-twitching old biddies into one of full-on super-snitches? First a retired teacher (male) reported Dominic Cummings to the police (I mean — can you imagine actually doing that?) for getting into his own car with two members of his own household and driving 260 miles to ensure the safety of his child? One day after doing almost the same thing himself? Another professional snitch, who invented a second sighting, has now said he made up the story as ‘a little bit of comedy value’. Whatever gets you through lockdown, I guess. Hands like this are getting me through.

Well, what can I say? I have been nowhere. Seen no one. Done nothing. Unless you count watching damaging amounts of TV, going for a little stroll (not) every day, reading and, ofc, playing bridge online. It’s enough already. I miss normal life — and I don’t just mean hugging the grandchildren (who, btw, loathe hugging but love playing cards). It’s all the clichéd things that I am lucky enough to take for granted. But some things can’t be rushed, as today’s hand ever so cleverly illustrates in the diagram. West led the ♥3 to the Ace, and a small Heart was returned to the Queen and King. West paused. It was clear the defence could take the first four tricks, but was it right to do so?

This weekend should have been the Schapiro Spring Foursomes, sponsored by Helen S., widow of the legendary Boris. Held in Stratford-upon-Avon, it is my favourite EBU event of the year, with its double-knockout format attracting very good teams from far and wide This is just one of many worldwide tournaments to have been cancelled — certainly until September. And then, who knows? Now in the seventh week of lockdown, it is difficult to see how we are going to be eased back to the table, with real live people coughing and spluttering and actual cards touched by all the players. Is it masks and rubber gloves from here on in? Obviously, ‘safety first’ should be the mantra, in daily life, just as in our contracts.

The Alt Invitational is the online tournament that is attracting some of the best players on earth. When the whole world is on lockdown, nothing can take the place of the American nationals or the World Bridge Games, but Paul Street (Canadian sponsor) had an idea: invite eight strong teams to compete over five days, in a series of tournaments, and stage it not in a huge conference hall but on BBO. Nobody need leave home. My team played in the second one — three days of qualifying and two days of finals — and we won! Here is a hand from the final where I feared I had blown it (see diagram). West led a small Spade, as requested, to East’s Queen. I ducked the heart return to the Jack and the defence set up their Spades.

I think it was Warren Buffett who said: ‘Bridge is such a sensational game that I wouldn’t mind being in jail if I had three cellmates who were decent players.’ It is so endlessly fascinating and surprising that you are rarely bored and never alone. Since the shock of all the bridge clubs closing overnight, and a day or two of walking around (indoors ofc) like headless chickens, it soon became clear that a new and parallel bridge universe was opening up online. BBO (download it for free) has more than tripled its log-on figures in two weeks. You can play random games, set games, watch the champs or take part in the same tournaments that you have played in for years — online. What’s not to love?