Jane Stannus

Jane Stannus

Jane Stannus is a Canadian journalist and translator.

Criminal gangs have developed a taste for snails and seafood

It was a dark night in November that the criminals stole softly upon the sleeping snails. They snipped away the fencing, pried open the door with a crowbar and knocked out the security lights. Then, they advanced upon their victims, who were lying, defenseless, in cold storage. No use for the snails to flee; heliciculturists breed them for flavor, not speed. The hapless gastropods could only pull in their horns, make themselves as small as possible inside their shells, and wait. The crooks worked with merciless efficiency. Some 450 kilos of snails soon found themselves shivering in the getaway vehicle as it sped off down a route départementale in northeastern France (where else?

snails

South Asian gangs are out of control in Canada

From our UK edition

South Asian communities across Canada are being terrorised by gangs – and city officials in Surrey, BC are calling on the federal government to declare a national state of emergency. The crimes follow a distinctive pattern. South Asian gangs demand money from members of their own communities. Intimidation, threats and even shootings follow. Gang members drive to someone’s home or business, and video themselves shooting at buildings and vehicles. They then post the recording online or send it to the target, with threats of worse to come if payment is not made. The gangs are expert at exploiting the weaknesses in Canadian immigration policy The city of Surrey has seen a drastic uptick in these crimes, with police reporting 35 extortion attempts since the beginning of January.

Quebec is trying to ban Jesus from Christmas

From our UK edition

It’s the most wonderful time of the year – but not, sadly, in Quebec. Or at least that’s what the provincial government would have us believe. As the region’s secularism minister Jean-François Roberge explained: ‘We can wish someone merry Christmas. We can sing Christmas songs. This is nothing but tradition. But we shouldn’t make any references to the birth of baby Jesus... When we wish someone merry Christmas, we can think of Santa Claus and his elves, but nothing Catholic.’ Generously, Christmas parties are permitted in schools and daycares as long as ‘there is no attempt to transmit religious values’ Roberge was describing the workings of Bill 9, an attempt to expand the region’s secularism laws.

How to make an unforgettable Christmas dinner

In the early 1970s, celebrity chef Jacques Pépin and his wife bought a dilapidated house in the Catskills so they could go skiing on the weekends. It was a real fixer-upper. Groups of friends would come up from New York City and pitch in on the renovation effort, and Pépin would serve dinner at the end of the day. These weekends were so much fun Pépin decided to memorialize them by hand-lettering and painting special menus. How Pépin convinced his friends to let him sit in the kitchen sketching petits poissons and heads of broccoli while they slaved away at framing and drywalling his winter getaway is, admittedly, mysterious.

Christmas

The downfall of Canada’s most influential ‘indigenous’ man

It’s an awkward time in the upper echelons of the Canadian cultural establishment. It’s come to light that influential indigenous author and former broadcaster Thomas King, isn’t actually indigenous at all. It matters, because King has spent much of his 82 years claiming to speak on behalf of the indigenous peoples of North America, and his role in shaping Canadian perception of their First Nations has been enormous. His books have served as standard texts in Canadian schools and universities for over 20 years. When King came to Canada, he was able not only to dine out on his purported indigenous background, but to make it the central facet of a lucrative career Born in the US, King came to Canada in 1980 to teach native studies at the University of Lethbridge.

The unbearable wokeness of the Canadian military

“I think the question that needs to be asked is: what kind of military does Canada even want?” Dallas Alexander has been all country-star cool until I ask about his former employer. Now his voice takes on a more earnest tone. We’ve talked about the song the veteran-turned-singer considers his best – “Child of this Land,” a ballad about growing up in the remote Fishing Lake Métis Settlement in northern Alberta – and we’ve discussed which is the fan favorite: same, he says, or maybe the more upbeat “Can’t Blame My Bloodline.” To my mild surprise he doesn’t mention “Adios Amigo.” The song, with its catchy (and ominous) refrain, references the record-breaking sniper shot taken by Alexander’s team in 2017.

Dallas Alexander (Dallas Alexander) canada
kitchen mishap

Anne of Green Gables perfected the kitchen mishap

There’s something wickedly entertaining in reading about other people’s kitchen debacles, whether actual or fictional. They’re just so relatable. The jelly that won’t jell in Louisa May Alcott’s Good Wives is cruelly hilarious, but the best culinary catastrophe in classic fiction, for my money, is in Anne of Green Gables. Stylish guests, including the upper-crust Mrs. Chester Ross, are dining at Green Gables and our ebullient Anne is on her very best behavior. All goes well until Marilla arrives with the pudding and a pitcher of pudding sauce. On spotting the pudding sauce, our heroine’s eyes grow wide and terrified.

Why bother banning US booze in Canada?

You know what they say about America: beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain and purple mountain majesties above the fruited plain. But its fruited plains – specifically its vineyards – and amber waves of grain aren’t doing her neighbor to the north much good at the moment – at least not in the beverage department. In the Loyalist province of Ontario, just as in la belle province of Québec, no California wines have graced the store shelves for more than half a year. American tipple is out. As far as eastern Canada is concerned, the minions of Francis Ford Coppola crush grapes in vain, all is quiet along the Yakima and it matters not whether pinot noir still reigns supreme in the Willamette Valley. Ask not for whom the Napa flows; it’s not for thee.

alcohol

The Freedom Convoy trial has disgraced Canada’s justice system

In a disgraceful conclusion to a disgraceful trial, Freedom Convoy organizers Tamara Lich and Chris Barber have been sentenced to 12 months of house arrest and 6 months of curfew (with credit for the 49 days Lich has already spent in jail) – plus 100 hours of community service. An ironic addendum. For in the packed courtroom on October 7, there was likely not one person who has served the community with greater generosity than the two defendants. Tamara Lich and Chris Barber, organizers of the most successful protest in Canadian history, kept their cool, kept the peace and brought national unity, patriotism and common sense back to Canada after the pandemic – this, despite the sustained efforts of the most aggressively controlling, divisive government the nation has ever had.

There’s more to pumpkins than you might think

There’s a famously untranslatable expression in Virgil’s Aeneid: lacrimae rerum. Latin scholars, always fond of threshing things out, have devoted reams of analysis to proving just how untranslatable it is. As is typical of academics, however, they go to lots of trouble to establish its utter untranslatability – and then turn around and translate it anyway. When pumpkins aren’t being cozy, they generally denote a sense of emptiness or artifice Word for word, lacrimae rerum means “The tears of things” (or, depending on your school of thought, “The tears for things.”) But each scholar has his slant on the sadness.

pumpkins

Robert Munsch’s license to die

Once upon a time, there was a hugely successful children’s author named Robert Munsch. His books (more than 70!) sold in many, many copies; he became famous, and people gave him top awards like the Juno and the Order of Canada. They even named schools after him. More gloriously yet, he became the most stolen author in the Toronto Public Library. He was in high demand as a storyteller, and children from everywhere used to write him letters. And he would write back, often with personalized stories (which they loved) featuring them and their classmates. Like all of us, he had his sorrows. He and his wife lost two children, which led him to write one of his best-known works, Love You Forever. Eventually they became adoptive parents of three.

Robert Munsch

Jailed for embarrassing the Canadian government

At long last, the Ontario government’s drawn-out legal proceedings against the organizers of the Freedom Convoy is winding to a conclusion. In a move seen as surprisingly vindictive, the Crown is seeking minimum sentencing of seven and eight years of jail time respectively for leaders Tamara Lich and Chris Barber.As Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre posted on X, “Let's get this straight: while rampant violent offenders are released hours after their most recent charges and antisemitic rioters vandalize businesses, terrorize daycares and block traffic without consequences, the Crown wants seven years prison time for the charge of mischief for Lich and Barber. How is this justice?

Freedom convoy

The joy of preparing freezer jam

July, and the morning sun blazes over fields of pick-your-own strawberries. The black bears scope out the blueberry patches in the national parks. Skin-destroying raspberry canes trail across the path, ready to spring out and scratch the faces of passers-by. The berrying season is upon us: scratched faces and stained clothing are on the cards. Have you ever seen a child pack a handful of wild raspberries away into a shirt pocket for safe keeping? I hope so. It’s one of the joys of life. Their faces, on seeing the inevitable results, are completely worth the ruined outfit. However, if you don’t have any young relatives to cheer you up with their berrying misadventures, pick-your-own farms aren’t just pick-your-owns but pick-me-ups.

jam

The allure of edible petals

Saying it with flowers used to be the thing – now we’re serving it with them. Edible florals have become quite the fashionable choice. There will be geraniums in your salad, lavender in your latte and hibiscus in your chocolate. Meghan Markle is making floral ice cubes, Jeremy Salamon is infusing his homemade vinegar with chamomile and Jamie Oliver is mercilessly pickling magnolia petals. There’s a Michelin-starred food joint-slash-florist in New York City, Il Fiorista, where you can get your favorite blooms stewed, baked, boiled or fried. The cocktails are swimming with garden truck, nasturtium leaves dye the buttermilk green and you could once, at any rate, lunch on sliced lotus root dusted with pine pollen (which sounds like a recipe for a positively Homeric sneeze).

flowers

Mark Carney won’t change Canada for the better

From our UK edition

Apparently Canada hasn’t taken enough punishment yet. After a close, hard-fought race that extended into the wee hours of the morning, Mark Carney and the Liberals came away with enough seats to form a minority government. They will form Canada’s fourth consecutive Liberal government since 2015. The Liberals maintained their edge, in part, thanks to the collapse of the New Democratic party, whose leader Jagmeet Singh resigned. An election day message from Donald Trump on Truth Social, calling for Canadians to join the US, may also have pushed undecided voters towards Carney, whose entire campaign was founded on the idea that he was the best candidate to protect Canada from Trump.

Canadians need saving from Mark Carney, not Donald Trump

From our UK edition

Tomorrow’s election will be one of the most important in Canadian history. The results hang on one crucial question: what’s the biggest threat to Canada right now? The Liberals, under the guidance of Mark Carney, have used every tool at their disposal to frighten, persuade, and cajole voters into believing the biggest threat to Canada is American tariffs and America’s president. But while relations with America are indeed something Canadians should care about, let’s hope that they’re not quite gullible enough to fall for that one. Let’s hope they recognise what Liberals have spent ten years proving over and over: the greatest threat to Canada as we know it isn’t in some other country.

Why have Canada’s conservatives backed euthanasia?

From our UK edition

There’s two weeks left before Canada’s federal election, and we’re dying over here. Former Bank of England governor Mark Carney seems more and more likely to walk away with the top job, while Poilievre is busy bowing and scraping before the sacred cows of the left. This week, Poilievre decided, for some reason, to pledge to keep euthanasia legal. He said his government would not expand the eligibility for assisted suicide, but that people would ‘continue to have that right.’ This makes no sense. Canada’s euthanasia regime is the brainchild of the Liberal party, forced upon Canada by an activist Supreme Court with a majority of Liberal appointees, and it developed into the horrific regime that it is today thanks to a decade of Trudeau’s Liberals.

Trump is making showers great again

From our UK edition

Sometimes it’s the little things. Get ready, world. America is back – with shiny, clean hair, glowing skin and a faint aura of L’Occitane Cherry Blossom. And all thanks to Donald Trump, who has just signed an executive order unleashing the power of the American showerhead. The order rescinds an Obama era rule which limited the flow of water, as part of ‘a radical green agenda that made life worse for Americans’, as the White House puts it. 2.5 gallons per minute, did you hear? That’s the big, beautiful volume of water roaring through America’s waterpipes now – or at least, it will be, once the freest people in the world have made it to Home Depot and picked up a newer, bigger, better, US-made showerhead. The freest will also be the cleanest.

The beauty and complexity of salmon

Britain’s most popular fish comes with batter, not scales – but America can virtuously say its favorite fish is salmon. Salmon and tilapia, according to AI, but you must never take AI at face value. Nor tilapia, for that matter. Stop me if I’ve already recounted the sad tale in these august pages, but I once – disastrously – tried to serve my relations tilapia. I bathed it in lemon-butter sauce, sprinkled chopped garden-fresh chives on it and nestled it among roasted tomatoes, olives and little baby potatoes in their skins. I even called it whitefish. I really gave it a fair shot. But pointed questions quickly came sailing toward me. What is this fish? What do you mean, tilapia? Where does it live? What does it eat? What are its desirable attributes?

salmon

Canada is more conservative than politicians think

From our UK edition

Finally, some good news for Canada’s Conservative party. For the first time since the federal election was announced, a poll last week showed them in the lead, and polls over the weekend show them closing in on the Liberal party. They're not where they were, but it's progress. In early January, the much-loathed Trudeau was stepping down, both Liberals and the New Democrats were highly unpopular, and the Conservatives, with a no-nonsense economic platform were considered a shoo-in for the next election. But thanks to Canada-US tensions over border security and tariffs, Liberals have been topping every poll since the beginning of the election campaign.