Cockburn

Cockburn was finishing a bottle of brandy the other day when he nearly spat out his drink. A columnist from the Washington Post, Jonathan Capehart, compared Liz Cheney to Obi-Wan Kenobi. Capehart said on PBS: I keep thinking about the scene in Star Wars: Episode IV, when...Obi-Wan says to Darth Vader, "If you strike me down, I will come back more powerful than you can imagine." And to me, Liz Cheney is Obi-Wan Kenobi. If she loses...she could very well come back more powerful than Donald Trump has imagined. After laughing hysterically for the better part of four hours, Cockburn decided to weigh Capehart's point. Unfortunately he was forced to conclude that Liz Cheney is nothing like Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here's why.

Dallas, Texas Howdy from the Lone Star State, where Cockburn is braving 100-degree heat, overpriced IPAs and America First applause lines to bring you coverage of CPAC Texas. The conservative conference has come to the Hilton Anatole in Dallas for the second year — and is once again headlined by former president Donald Trump, set to speak this evening. Appropriately, the hotel’s two bars are called “Media” and “Gossip,” as if they’d been purpose-built for your intrepid correspondent. Cockburn managed to finagle his way into the $375-a-head Cattleman’s Ball for free on Friday night, where he sat at a table with a cadre of fellow hacks, chief among them John Fredericks, the “Godzilla of Truth.

Jon Stewart has been a pretty busy guy lately. Not only is he hosting a new show-cum-podcast, The Problem with Jon Stewart, but he’s also been spending a good chunk of time in Cockburn’s hometown, Washington DC. Stewart has been making the waves while campaigning for HR. 3967, otherwise known as the Honoring our PACT Act of 2022, as he bashed Ted Cruz for initially not supporting it. His on-the-ground activism in DC garnered media attention this week after he held a press conference with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senators Kirsten Gillibrand and Jon Tester. Stewart made a passionate plea that would make Matthew McConaughey proud. The TV host also found himself embroiled in a spat with conservative firebrands Jack Posobiec and Raheem Kassam.

Paul Pelosi, husband of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, will be arraigned on Wednesday due to multiple charges of driving under the influence of alcohol and causing injury. Pelosi was involved in a car crash on May 28 where a Jeep hit his 2021 Porsche. Pelosi was then arrested for having a 0.08 percent blood alcohol content (another charge against him) and had his bail set at $5,000 (though that's pennies for the wealthy Pelosis). Mr. Pelosi was formally charged on June 23. Yet the Pelosi corruption doesn't end there. About a month later, Pelosi sold $4.1 million worth of Nvidia stocks at a loss on the same day the Senate passed a bill bailing out the semiconductor industry. Suspicious given that Paul's wife is one of the most powerful politicians in Congress.

Cockburn watched in awe from the cheap seats at the Congressional Baseball Game last night as the Republicans swept the Democrats 10 to nil — hopefully a forecast for the midterms. Clutching his $12 Michelob Ultra, Cockburn was on the edge of his seat all night. One of the feats of athletic prowess was Democrat Representative Linda Sanchez’s lead-off walk in the sixth inning. Walks, for non-baseball fans, require almost zero work on behalf of the batter. When she took her base, she decided to throw decorum out the window as she flipped off the Republican dugout. After her no-work walk, a pinch runner came to take her place. The congresswoman didn’t have to swing or to run — pure Democrat athleticism! https://twitter.

Former vice president Mike Pence spoke to a crowd of college students on Tuesday as part of the Young America’s Foundation National Conservative Student Conference, which Cockburn attended. Pence appeared alongside others, including Kirk Cameron, Ted Cruz, and Ben Carson. When Pence eventually came out, he received a standing ovation and cheers, as warmly welcomed as Cruz had been the night before. He then proceeded to lay out his “freedom agenda” which toed the line between caricature and pander. In a world of sharp wit and cutting remarks, Pence is more like a club. It was not that Pence’s speech was ineloquent, but rather that he trod on old ground that conservatives were already well acquainted with.

Cockburn can't help but chuckle. Last night, the January 6 committee showed video of Senator Josh Hawley running from Capitol rioters, mere hours after he'd infamously given them the thumbs-up. Twitter, in its comedic wisdom, pounced all over the footage, and here's the best of of what one particularly resourceful user, @The_Mal_Gallery, came up with. https://twitter.com/The_Mal_Gallery/status/1550290085882564608?s=20&t=YlAB-XpczT1TiCzbDPmAOQ  https://twitter.com/The_Mal_Gallery/status/1550297459943002112 https://twitter.

Joe Biden has had a lot to worry about lately. First, according to his own account, he has cancer thanks to emissions from oil refineries near his childhood home in Delaware: "That’s why I and so damn many other people I grew up with have cancer and why for the longest time Delaware had the highest cancer rate in the nation." A White House spokesman later clarified that Biden had had "non-melanoma skin cancers" removed before he took office, though that doesn't explain why he claimed he has cancer now. Apparently he's contracted Covid too. The president tested positive today and will be isolating at the White House.