Speeding

Devotees of radio traffic reports will be familiar with ‘Crittall’s Corner’. Along with the nearby Sun in the Sands roundabout, it is usually prefixed by the phrase ‘with traffic stretching as far back as…’ In October 2023, the speed limit on the eastbound A20 between Crittall’s Corner and Swanley was reduced from 70mph to 40mph after several cars veered off the road in the wet. There was certainly a drainage problem: indeed, in 2023, in torrential rain, I once aquaplaned on this very same stretch, so the decision was not unreasonable. However, it was signposted and enforced abominably. In one year, a speed camera on this stretch of road caught more than 66,000 drivers. Many were fined several times, often losing their licences and, in some cases, their jobs.

Dante’s Beach, Ravenna I often feel as if I know what it was like to be a member of La Résistance in Nazi--occupied France because I have three disco-age daughters. Last week, the call-to-action stations flashed up on WhatsApp at 03.06, just as the cockerels were beginning to crow and the enemy was setting up his road blocks. ‘Papà, can you come and get me?’ It was Rita, aged 16. ‘Where are you?’ ‘Marina.’ Cristo bloody Santo! A 25-minute drive away. ‘I can walk towards you,’ suggested Rita, the little sweetie. ‘No! Not if you’re wearing a miniskirt,’ I messaged back. ‘Or hot pants.

The builder boyfriend sat nervously in front of my laptop as I logged him in to do his speed awareness course. I sat him at the kitchen table, I clicked the link the speed course people sent him and then, as we waited for them to admit him, I began my pep talk: ‘Do not say anything political. Do not joke. Joking is the worst thing you could possibly do.’ I had already decided this was going to end badly. How could the builder boyfriend button his lip long enough to get through a three-hour online speed awareness course – the result of a trip to the UK to do a roofing job – without being reported to the police for coming out with something you are not allowed to say any more?