Royal family

On September 10, 1946, British foreign secretary Ernest Bevin remarked, “kings are pretty cheap these days.” His comment was directed at the displaced monarchs who floated, dispossessed, around Europe, but it might also have been a dig at the ailing king George VI, who had found his métier in wartime but struggled to regain it afterwards. Less than six years after Bevin’s comment, the king died and Elizabeth II assumed the throne, leading to an unprecedented period of monarchical duration, stability and popularity. Yet after her own death last September, at the age of ninety-six, and the subsequent accession of her son, Bevin’s statement has assumed new and unlooked-for relevance.

It has been a mystery that would have baffled Perry Mason or Ellery Queen. Since Meghan Markle and Prince Harry informed a shocked Oprah Winfrey in their bombshell interview that "there were concerns and conversations" about "how dark" the skin color of their first child-to-be was likely to be, the couple have slowly dripped information into the public domain. It's been made clear that it was a "senior royal" who expressed the opinion, albeit neither the Queen nor the Duke of Edinburgh. Although given the latter’s public remarks on race and nationality, it might have been easiest if the soon-to-be-late Prince Philip had simply claimed responsibility. Now, the "senior royal" has finally been fingered, and the alleged guilty party is Prince Charles.

It’s good of Prince Charles to represent the British royal family at the funeral of President George H.W. Bush in Washington, D.C. today. No doubt, however, Queen Elizabeth II will wish she could be there. The Queen doesn’t do many foreign trips these days — she’s 92 — and Charles is acting as ‘shadow king’. But she and Bush 41 were close. Their friendship evokes memories of a time when the relationship between Britain and America was truly special — not just a lot of hot air about wars. As the Queen’s latest biographer Robert Hardman notes, Elizabeth II and Bush 41 relished each other’s company. They seem to have bonded over the infamous ‘royal talking hat’ moment outside the White House in May, 1991.

The news that Duchess Meghan of Markle, Britain’s favourite American, has a right royal bun in the oven by dashing sex maniac Prince Harry brings a smile to the faces of all patriotic Britons. An absent-minded smile, the quiet smile of a polite, proud people as it visualises the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, butt naked in various positions, and tries to guess which one it was that resulted in conception. It’s a national game of Clue. This may seem intrusive, but the royals have never had their sex so privately. In the good old days, royalty mated like pandas, with difficulty and before an approving audience. A royal wedding was a diplomatic union, not a love match.