Republican

Biden’s wasted jaunt down in Florida

“Charlie is running against Donald Trump incarnate,” President Joe Biden strangely remarked of Democrat Charlie Crist, who is running against Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. Trump is, of course, still very much in the flesh, and is also Biden’s likely opponent in 2024. But rhetoric is hardly Brandon’s strong suit in his sunset years, so we can surmise that what he meant was there isn’t much difference between Trump and DeSantis. What Biden doesn’t seem to realize is that, for most Floridians, that’s a good thing. Biden was in South Florida this week for a three-stop tour to buck up failing Democrats. In what's becoming an increasingly red state, all state-level offices apart from agricultural commissioner are held by Republicans.

Politicians’ backstabbing family members are the worst

Don’t ever take sides with anyone against the family. I recall Michael Corleone’s warning to Fredo from The Godfather every time I see a political candidate’s family members denounce him in public. Even mobsters understood that family comes first. Not in agreement are the fourteen relatives of US Senate candidate Adam Laxalt of Nevada, who have endorsed his opponent. Ten of them likewise posed for a photo with the state's Democratic governor in 2018. One of Laxalt’s cousins accuses him of “using the family name to pursue a political career,” a claim you’ll only hear because she’s using the family name to advance it.

‘Villain’ Elon Musk votes Republican for first time ever

They say you never forget your first. Your first Republican, that is. For Elon Musk, that is Mayra Flores, the Trump-endorsed candidate who flipped the Congressional seat in Texas’ 34th District from blue to red with a vote from the world's richest man (as well as from thousands of other Texans). Cockburn discovered the news while perusing Twitter this morning (at 3:28 a.m.) to see how the political discourse was doing (not well, as expected). His mood, however, lightened when he stumbled upon this  tweet from Elon Musk: I voted for Mayra Flores – first time I ever voted Republican. Massive red wave in 2022. — Elon Musk (@elonmusk) June 15, 2022 Musk has been increasingly on Cockburn’s radar, especially since he vowed to make Twitter "fun.

The Real Housecucks of Ohio

After eight months that felt like eighty years, the Ohio Republican Senate primary has at last come to a close. It ended as it began, as a kind of highbrow-cum-low political farce, Aristophanes’ take on post-Trump America. Think a pileup of clown cars on the highway — and then cut to a grinning Donald Trump in a rescue helicopter, swooping down tauntingly only to pull back up again. From the start, the race was an exercise in how far good men would go in order to nab an endorsement from The Donald. And while obscene, the endless attention seeking did have a certain thrill to it. Would JD Vance deny that Vladimir Putin exists? Would Josh Mandel murder an epidemiologist on live TV? Tune in next week to find out, only on The Real Housecucks of Ohio.

The Trump stalwart taking on Dr. Oz

It’s hard to imagine wanting to be a politician. Listening to people’s problems, being on your best behavior all the time (or at least working hard not to get caught), being in charge of stuff. It’s like the worst parts of adulthood on steroids. Not to mention all the campaigning — exhausted from traveling from one indistinguishable town to the next, feigning good humor, interest and delight in every person you meet and in every small diner’s Local Slop Special you’re forced to sample while telling everyone how great you are. It’s not for the faint of heart. Yet David McCormick, candidate for Pennsylvania’s U.S. Senate seat, seems to be made for it. Aspiring officeholders are a type. “Admirable” isn’t the right word, but remarkable, certainly.