Nick Cannon

Nick Cannon is the ultimate baby daddy. How could he not be? The Masked Singer and Wild ’n’ Out host is rich, handsome and has somehow gotten six very hot women pregnant, resulting in twelve — count them, twelve — children. He talks about each of them with nothing but respect and, as far as Cockburn is aware, the women have nothing bad to say about him.  Cannon has transcended the outmoded notion of the nuclear family — and is setting out an alternative high standard for the modern American father. I mean, he made two babies with Mariah Carey at her peak. He is also, in tandem with Elon Musk, solving the problem of plunging Western fertility rates. So Cockburn was surprised to find out that the forty-two-year-old rapper doesn’t pay child support.

It seems that every time I read the Daily Mail, singer/actor/television host Nick Cannon is welcoming another child. “Nick Cannon shares adorable snaps of his newborn daughter while preparing for the birth of his 11th child,” a DM headline reported on Tuesday. Every time he meets his latest baby, Cannon seems blown away by the miracle that is life. And every time I see a photo of his latest child, I am blown away by the insanity that is Nick Cannon’s life. Is he a model baby daddy or a phony skeeze? Cannon’s football team of offspring is the product of — intimacies? (“relationship” seems like a stretch) — with six women. “In 2021,” reports Insider, “Cannon had four children with three different women in less than a year.