John McAfee

The aftershocks of a stunning Super Tuesday continue to ripple through the conscience of America. Suddenly, a great number of Americans find themselves wondering where they can turn to find the best hope to restore American dignity and normalcy. I’m referring, of course, to Libertarian presidential candidate and fugitive John McAfee, who sadly announced he was suspending his campaign in a Twitter video Wednesday from parts unknown. The country has been robbed of the potential for McAfee, surrounded by a plethora of gorgeous Belarusian strippers and strapped up with an AK-47, to be sworn in to the presidency with an acid-dipped joint dropping from his lips. McAfee instead declared his candidacy for vice president alongside Libertarian candidate Vermin Supreme.

Anti-virus pioneer and globe-trotting eccentric John McAfee placed third in the 2016 Libertarian party presidential primaries. Now he’s running again, this time from a secure, undisclosed location likely on a boat outside the United States, which he fled last January allegedly to escape the IRS Although that sounds like an ideal setting for a Libertarian presidential campaign, McAfee doesn’t think too much of his chances of being their nominee. ‘It doesn’t really matter to me either way,’ he told me. ‘Number one, I’m John McAfee. I can’t be president. If anyone thinks I can, they need to move out of their mother’s basement and see the world. Neither can any Libertarian candidate. Ever.

There’s a presidential primary race afoot in the Libertarian party, America’s third largest. In 2016, the Libertarians nominated former New Mexico governor Gary Johnson, and as his running mate, former Massachusetts governor Bill Weld. Their ticket received 3.28 percent of the national popular vote, the largest third-party vote share since 1996 and the best ever Libertarian performance. For 2020, party leaders hope to break that record. Dan Fishman, executive director of the Libertarian National Committee, says the goal is to crest 5 percent of the popular vote, the share above which a minor party becomes eligible for federal campaign funding. ‘The numbers could be even higher,’ Fishman said.