Failsons

Surely they can’t keep getting away with it. Oh, who is Cockburn kidding? Of course they can. Tuesday was a glorious day for karmic Houdini acts. Over at the New York Post, yet another story of Hunter Biden’s escapades landed with a graceless thud. Throughout Miranda Devine’s 1,300-word piece, one can sense her desperate desire to overwhelm with enough salacious details for the public to care. The First Son hired a Russian prostitute for an $8,000 weekend sex romp! He smoked crack! They made a porno! He balanced a line of M&Ms on his phallus! And Joe Biden, the current President of the United States, might have paid for it all! No, really! A literal ex-Secret Service agent texted Hunter about issues with 'Celtic’’s account. Celtic was Biden’s codename.

It’s hard to be the son of a powerful man. Just ask Saadi and Hannibal Gaddafi, Pier Berlusconi and Saudi Prince Majed al-Saud, or Prince Harry, Yair Netanyahu and Robert Mugabe Jr, Hunter Biden and Gerald Ford’s son Steven Ford, or Uday and Qusay Hussein. Spoiler alert: you can’t ask the last two because they’re dead. The list goes on. While high-born daughters from Ivanka Trump and Chelsea Clinton to Jenna Bush and Kim Yo-jong have tended to fare better, their male counterparts have often floundered. It’s time for you to meet the archetypal failson. Steven Ford is an alcoholic soap opera actor who dropped out of the 1978 movie Grease due to stage fright. Hunter Biden is a crack-smoking sex enthusiast.