Cockburn gossip

Has anyone seen Graham Platner’s tramp stamp? “I grew up as a little punk rock kid listening to Dead Kennedys and Dropkick Murphys,” Graham Platner, the front-runner for the Democratic nomination for the open Maine Senate seat said yesterday at a town hall in Ogunquit. He neglected to include the information that as a little punk rock kid he attended Hotchkiss, a private boarding school in Connecticut that currently costs more than $70,000 a year for tuition and meals, whose alumni include the founders of Morgan Stanley and Lehman Brothers. Such details rarely appeal to the common people. Platner, who runs an unprofitable oyster farm, served eight years in the Marines after high school.

Build me up President Trump, like many of his forebears, is remaking the White House in his own image. The Donald has just finished giving a speech to Republican senators at the “Rose Garden Club” – which he paved over earlier in the year. As he told Cockburn’s colleague Ben Domenech back in February, “We had the press here yesterday. Do you see the women there? They’re going crazy. The grass was wet. Their heels are going right through the grass, like four inches deep.” Today Trump talked about his latest redevelopment: “We’re building a world-class ballroom,” he told the crowd. “For 150 years they’ve wanted a ballroom... the government is paying for nothing.

Tucker time In the month since his death, Charlie Kirk has been credited for his role as a unifying figure on the American right. Nowhere was that more evident than at the Tuesday afternoon service posthumously awarding him the Presidential Medal of Honor, where four hosts of Fox News’s prestigious 8 p.m. slot posed for a photo together: Jesse Watters, Glenn Beck, Bill O‘Reilly and Tucker Carlson. Tucker also got a picture with Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham – incredible considering how acrimoniously things ended between him, his former network and a number of his other high-profile colleagues. (Carlson branded Hannity a “warmonger” as recently as June.

President Trump prevented World War Three yesterday, or so he claimed multiple times. “No one wants World War Three,” he said. Fact check: true. Trump and many of the world’s finest leaders gathered behind a large, tacky but also touching sign that read “Peace 2025.” Italy’s Giorgia Meloni also attended the summit. Trump called her “beautiful,” saying that in the US calling a woman beautiful could mean the “end of your political career.” Fact check: true. “I’ll take my chances,” Trump said. Cockburn enjoyed the day’s festivities, which featured enough comic moments to fill a season of The Office.

Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday Washington is ten days into the government shutdown, and the Republicans and Democrats remain at loggerheads. Members are accosting each other in the corridors of power – in front of a gawking media, naturally – and challenging their adversaries to debate on TV shows. The impression our leaders are trying to give us is that they are working hard to reach a solution to the impasse. The same can’t be said for admin officials: Cockburn understands a large swathe have taken the opportunity to head off on vacation – and are doing their best to ensure they don’t post any pictures. (As ever, if you’ve spotted a secretary soaking in the sunshine, let Cockburn know at cockburn@thespectator.com.

Congresswoman Maxine Dexter of Oregon, who once briefly went viral for saying we have to “fuck Trump,” has posted a cringey video of a gray-haired Portland ukelele orchestra playing and singing the most off-key version of “This Land Is Your Land” imaginable. “Portland is not a military target,” the caption reads. Ah, but it is, and for good reason. Armed leftist radicals have firebombed a courthouse and are regularly attacking an ICE facility. Residents at the Multnomah County Plaid Shirt Senior Center may not see that on MSNBC (soon to be MS NOW!) or in their daily Heather Cox Richardson newsletter, but it’s happening.

With the federal government shut down indefinitely, paychecks are going to be light or non-existent around DC, putting disposable income at a premium. Businesses in the Capital are stepping into the breach with the greatest array of discounts in memory. Cockburn will do his best to take advantage of them with his fake government ID. He wonders if anyone will realize he’s not actually “Rashida Tlaib.” Some of Cockburn’s favorite DC spots are bringing items back to 2010-ish prices. The legendary Tune Inn will offer $4 Lemon Drop “Shutdown Shots,” $8 two-cheese Bipartisan Melt with French fries, and $7 “Gridlock Nachos” from 2 p.m. to 8 p.m. Furlough Fizzes for everyone!

A word of wisdom for any of the old-guard reporters planning on picking a fight with the new media in the White House Briefing Room: Cara Castronuova, of Lindell TV, was once ranked second in the country at super-bantamweight and has won two bouts at Madison Square Garden. Mona Austin, of the “100% woman and Black-owned’ Slice, competed with the former boxer during a gaggle with Steve Witkoff by the Palm Room doors yesterday and refused to budge, saying “I don’t want to be on reality TV.” A brouhaha ensued. “There was lots of yelling, it was very uncomfortable,” one hack told Cockburn. Who needs UFC on the South Lawn when you can have boxing by the Palm Room doors?

Muntadhar al-Zaidi, the man who once threw a shoe at George W. Bush during a press conference, posted a gym selfie on X the other day. Cockburn is here to tell you that the man is yoked. “Have a nice day” indeed, Muntadhar!“This is a farewell kiss from the Iraqi people, you dog,” al-Zaidi shouted at Bush in 2008, before throwing his shoe. He subsequently spent nine months behind bars. After a release for good behavior, he said he intended to start a foundation that would “build orphanages, a children’s hospital, and medical and orthopedic centers offering free treatment and manned by Iraqi doctors and medical staff.”That doesn’t appear to have happened. Al-Zaidi also ran, unsuccessfully, for public office in Iraq in 2018.

One of President Trump’s unique gifts is that he can simultaneously hold two truths to be self-evident. That’s how the White House managed to send out a press release yesterday with the headline “FACT: Evidence Suggests Link Between Acetaminophen, Autism.” Cockburn supposes it’s fact that evidence “suggests,” but it’s really just bet-hedging. Concurrently, Trump manages to present himself as the great preserver of classical architecture and American tradition, yet is on the verge of unveiling a gaudy “Presidential Walk of Fame” on the White House Colonnade.

Looking for a good time, sweet’eart? Team Trump is back in Washington today after their sojourn to Britain for a state visit. The President took to the Old Country with the gusto of an American girl on study abroad: castles, royals, knights, fancy dinners, all the pageantry. “I saw more paintings than any human being has ever saw, and statues,” he gushed to the press pool on the flight back. He even managed to dodge the most difficult question in his joint press conference with Prime Minister Keir Starmer, flatly claiming “I don’t know him, actually,” of ousted UK ambassador Peter Mandelson, who was fired over new revelations of his ties to Jeffrey Epstein.

Luigi’s mansion It’s money well-spent for those who contributed to Luigi Mangione’s million-dollar defense fund. Two state terrorism charges against the accused CEO-killer have been thrown out by a New York judge today, including a first-degree murder charge which could have landed Mangione in prison for life. Judge Gregory Carro ruled that, despite the ideological motive behind Mangione’s alleged actions – a sort of “eat-the-rich” philosophy which has made him a grotesque folk hero for many on the far left – a murder committed for ideological reasons isn’t necessarily terrorism.

This time next week, President Trump will be across the Pond in the United Kingdom for a state visit. He goes back to the Old Country at a testing time for US-UK relations. The UK ambassador to the US Lord Mandelson was removed from his post this week after further revelations emerged about his friendship with the convicted child sex offender and financier Jeffrey Epstein. Mandelson remained close with Epstein after his first conviction in 2008 and referred to him as his “best pal” in emails. Mandelson also has an entry in the 50th birthday book put together by Ghislaine Maxwell which the House Oversight Committee released last week – the same book which is the subject of a defamation suit filed by President Trump against the Wall Street Journal.

It was supposed to be an innocent magazine promotion, announcing how The Spectator was going from printing monthly to twice-monthly in the US. So imagine our editor’s horror when he checked his phone late Friday night and discovered he’d been impounded on X by the Department of Homeland Security. “We have just sent our first fortnightly edition of The Spectator for the US market. And it’s a gem,” US editor Freddy Gray posted earlier that day. “The cover piece, by @bdomenech, is on the military conflict that MAGA wants. It could not be more timely.” The artwork by Pep Boatella depicts President Trump rolling through the desert with masked government officials, headed to crack down on the Mexican drug cartel.

Cockburn spent Wednesday night at the ultra-exclusive Ned’s Club near the White House for a shindig celebrating the launch of GB News’s DC bureau. The network, which launched in 2021, will be airing a US politics show from 7-9 p.m. ET (that’s midnight to 2 a.m. UK time), anchored by Bev Turner. Nigel Farage, who hosts a primetime show on the network, held court by the central bar. Cockburn spotted him chatting to Jim Jordan, who chairs the House Judiciary Committee which Farage had addressed on free speech in Britain earlier in the day.

How does Ilhan Omar make her money? How does the Trump family make its money? Is money real? What is reality? These are the questions Cockburn is asking himself after this weekend’s financial news. First, let’s fly over Minnesota. Founding “Squad” member Omar, the Washington Free Beacon reported yesterday, is currently worth more than $30 million, despite telling the press earlier this year that it’s “categorically false” that she’s a millionaire. If by false, you mean “true,” then yes. The Free Beacon obtained Omar’s latest financial disclosure, which indicated that she and her husband, shifty “former political consultant” Tim Mynett, are worth somewhere between $6 million and $30 million – a wide range.

Love is in the air at Casa Cockburn this Friday — it’s Valentine’s Day and politicos are pairing off. The most shocking? The revelation in the New York Post that divorced former mayor Bill de Blasio is dating Nomiki Konst, a Democratic activist and former host of HillTV’s Rising.  “Nomi and I have started a really lovely relationship, just in time for Valentine’s Day. We’ve known each other for a long time and are very kindred souls ❤️,” the mayor texted the Post. “We’re going to cuddle up and watch romantic movies and drink Greek wine, in honor of Nomi’s heritage.” Cute. Forty-one-year-old Konst previously interviewed de Blasio and his then-wife Chirlane McCray in 2018.

Can Barron Trump dunk? That’s the question posed by one opportunistic sportsbook this week, who started taking bets on which college the former president’s youngest son will play basketball at (their top choices I are the U and St. John’s at +300). The company is also offering odds on whether he’ll be drafted by an NBA team and in which round. So could he make it? On the one hand, at 6’7”, he’s the same height as NBA All-Star Luka Dončić — and, through his mother, the same nationality. On the other hand, Barron is on the record as preferring soccer.

Mad Joe Manchin yells at journos Senator Joe Manchin is furious — and he’s letting reporters know. Sources close to the West Virginia senator tell Cockburn that Manchin is fuming over a recent article in Fox News giving credit to House Republicans, and not Manchin, for the approval of the Mountain Valley Pipeline. The new major pipeline could help Manchin politically as he faces a perilous path to reelection next year. “Manchin is furiously calling reporters himself to push back on it,” according to a West Virginia source, despite that “the truth is that he played a relatively minor role in finally getting MVP done.