Alcatraz

The Trump administration's dream of reopening Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay appears to have stalled. But more than 3,000 miles away, the state of Florida and Governor Ron DeSantis are making that dream come true anyway. Scheduled to open as soon as July 1, Florida is building “Alligator Alcatraz,” a 1,000-bed temporary migrant detention center on an unused airstrip deep in the Big Cypress National Preserve, part of the Everglades region. They’re naming it after Alcatraz because, according to Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier, “There’s not much waiting for [detainees] other than alligators and pythons. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.” Calling it “Climbing Fern Gitmo” or “Everglades Abu-Ghraib,” while also catchy, wouldn’t play.

Among the Sunday night demands from King Donald came this bizarre proclamation: “REBUILD AND REOPEN ALCATRAZ!” The latest Trumpian nocturnal emission evoked a time when America was a more “serious Nation…No longer will we tolerate these serious offenders who spread filth, blood, and mayhem on our streets.” Apparently, to return to law and order, all we need to do is restore the glory days of The Rock, which has been closed for 60 years and is currently a museum operated by the National Park Service. To be charitable, our prison system is cruelly overcrowded, and under Trump’s rule, it is fixing to be even more so. We’re going to need facilities to house “America’s most ruthless and violent offenders,” and Arkham Asylum only exists in the imagination.