Adele

The latest Jane Austen adaptation is dreadful

Full marks to whoever tweeted, after watching the trailer for the dire new version of Jane Austen’s Persuasion, that, "I’m sorry but Dakota Johnson has the face of someone who knows what an iPhone is." In that pithy phrase, the failings of Carrie Cracknell’s film are laid bare immediately. Johnson, despite the utter dreadfulness of the Fifty Shades films that launched her to fame, is a talented and likable actress, but she is also contemporary in a way that many of her peers are. You can dress her in all the crinolines and bonnets and Regency finery in the world, but she still looks like a California resident from 2022 cosplaying, rather than an inhabitant of early nineteenth-century Britain. But Johnson is not the only problem with Persuasion.

Why can’t we celebrate Adele’s dramatic weight loss?

Well, hello! Adele is a singer who identifies herself with numbers. Her first three albums are titled 19, 21, and 25. But after the British pop star caused a raucous on lady-Twitter Wednesday when she posted a photo on her 32nd birthday revealing dramatic weight loss, the only number that matters now is: what do we think she is out of 10? https://www.instagram.com/p/B_1VGc5AsoZ/ Obviously we would never rate a treasure of Adele’s talents merely on her appearance. That said we must acknowledge the many factors to be taken into account when evaluating the sexual market value of the formerly portly crooner, who is almost completely unrecognizable after her transformation. Does being a millionaire add points?

adele