Competition

Comp. 3443 was inspired by Brian Bilston’s ‘Remembrance of Things Pasta’ which begins: She blew her fusilli,my pretty penne,when she found me watchingdaytime tagliatelle. You were invited to submit a poem containing repeated wordplay on a particular theme. There were cheeses, drinks, cakes, the shipping forecast, cars, technology… it was hard to choose. I must

For Competition 3442 you were invited to supply the opening of a memoir that would discourage the reader from reading on. You rose to the challenge of producing writing that was comically appalling with gusto. Sue Pickard’s entry narrowly missed out on a place in the winning line-up. Here she is, writing from the point

Comp. 3441 invited you to use the opening of Philip Larkin’s poem ‘Trees’ as a starting point for your own. Deserving of a mention are D.A. Prince, Sylvia Fairley, Basil Ransome-Davies, Elizabeth Fry, David Blakey and Nick Syrett, whose second verse I enjoyed a lot: How self-possessed they are, the drug Of springtime setting all

For Competition 3440 you were invited to supply a diplomatic thank-you letter for an unwanted gift. According to a recent poll, a fifth of people have been given a present they don’t like (Marmite-scented deodorant, anyone?) with many admitting to feigning gratitude if not delight. It helps, of course, if the giver of the gift

For Competition 3439 you were invited to build an undiscovered poem around a phrase lifted from an earlier poet. The £25 John Lewis vouchers go to the authors of those entries printed below. Wee, sleekit, cow’rin, tim’rous? Not at all!For I, William McGonagallDo tell the tale of the fearsome monster of Loch NessWhich many attempt

Competition 3438 was inspired by the 1986 film Clockwise, in which John Cleese is constantly impeded in his attempt to get to the headmasters’ conference to make a speech. ‘It’s not the despair, Laura. I can stand the despair. It’s the hope!’ he wails to a pupil at one point. There were lots of A+

Competition 3437 invited you to submit a passage or poem incorporating the line ‘Why, what’s the matter, That you have such a February face’, from Much Ado About Nothing. It continues ‘So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness?’ – rain, muck, drizzle and sludge would be more appropriate to 2026. There was a healthy

For Competition 3436 you were invited to submit a poem whose first line is ‘O my love is like [fill in the gap]’ and continue for up to a further 16 lines. This Valentines challenge was an extremely popular one which drew a mammoth entry. Commendations to Pamela Haddon, Joyce Bateman and Gillian Emerson. The

Competition 3435 invited you to write a poem that included Wendy Cope’s immortal line ‘A happier cabbage you never did see’, from ‘Being Boring’. This was a popular competition with more entries than usual (it’s always a mystery) and you grappled heroically with the challenge of making cabbage interesting. A mention must go to Janine

Competition 3434 was prompted by the 400th anniversary of the retrospectively controversial purchase of Manhattan island by the Dutchman Peter Minuit from a local tribe, supposedly for 60 guilders ($24). You were invited to write a poem on the subject. The standard was really high and the whittling process tricky: mentions must go to A.H.

For Competition 3443 you were invited to submit a dear John letter in the style of a well-known writer. The brief stipulated 16 lines but you submitted both verse and prose and I allowed both. I very much enjoyed Sue Pickard’s Bram Stoker: ‘My dear Count, I can barely summon the energy to write this

Competition 3432 invited you to submit a passage containing some AI-style ‘hallucinations’ (it would be just as anthropomorphic to call them lies). These are false assertions delivered in a perky tone, often with a smidgeon of flattery, in an answer that may contain enough correct information to give the user misplaced confidence. The yield was

For Competition 3431, you were invited to submit a passage in which Sherlock Holmes solves one of the great mysteries of our time. Many entries interpreted the ‘of our time’ bit quite loosely, with Holmes tackling the Princes in the Tower, the origins of Stonehenge and even the Big Bang. Nonetheless, after toying with pedantry,

For Competition 3430 you were invited to write a rhyming prophecy for 2026. Joe Houlihan’s closing couplet encapsulates the tenor of the entry: Next year is like this year, but much, much worse: So take a stiff brandy and call for nurse. But while the mood was downbeat, the standard was cheering and the entries

Competition 3429 invited you to tell the story of the Nativity in the style of a well-known writer. There were very many excellent passages, enough to fill this column three times over, but as it is the £25 vouchers go to the following. Thanks for all your lovely entries this year and happy Christmas one

For Competition 3427 you were invited to write a paean on a place traditionally considered to be ugly. In an accomplished entry, in which many took inspiration from William McGonagall, the Bard of Dundee, honourable mentions go to Ralph Goldswain, Richard Warren and Elizabeth Kay. The winners, led by Bill Greenwell on the Pompidou Centre,

Comp. 3426 was inspired by Stephen Vincent Benét’s 1927 poem ‘American Names’ (see Charles Moore’s Notes, 1 November): I have fallen in love with American names, The sharp names that never get fat, The snakeskin-titles of mining-claims, The plumed war-bonnet of Medicine Hat, Tucson and Deadwood and Lost Mule Flat.     You were invited to

Competition 3425 was prompted by Gill Hornby, a biographer of Jane Austen, telling an audience at the Cheltenham Literature Festival that Jane’s sister Cassandra did the novelist’s reputation a favour by burning most of her letters, and if that hadn’t happened she might have been cancelled: ‘She has become this very vague, hazy figure, like

For Competition 3424 you were invited to write a short story for which ‘Conman’ could be the title, containing a dozen words of four or more letters beginning with con or man. This produced a larger-than-usual entry in which all were fairly evenly matched, making it tricky to whittle it down to the six below