Kai is the queen of Generation Alpha Trumps

Americans hate to love, or love to hate, the country’s First Family, the Trumps, a melodramatic cast of characters that makes the Ewings, the Carringtons, the Bridgertons or the Roys seem small by comparison. But a gee-whiz protagonist for everyone has emerged in the persona of Kai Trump, the President’s granddaughter and the eldest daughter of Donald Trump Jr.

Kai, 18, stands out among the Generation Alpha Trumps. Barron, the President’s son, is a dark crypto prince who seems to have adopted his mother’s reclusive profile. The rest of the Trump babies have yet to receive their media debuts. But Kai is everywhere.

This week, she appeared on Logan Paul’s Impaulsive podcast, saying that American politics is too divisive – thanks, grandpa. “I don’t want anything to do with politics because politics is a dangerous thing,” she said.

Among Kai’s other words of wisdom: “Radical left, radical right–people get too extreme”, “Social media algorithms push you one way or another” and “If both sides met in the middle, everyone would be happier.” Ah, yes, but then Nick Fuentes and Heather Cox Richardson would be poor. Young Kai, heir to a vast fortune, doesn’t consider that political division is profitable for the world’s second- and third-tier elite.

“There’s not a lot of things on social media where you’re very much in the middle and I think that kinda makes some people crazy and some people buy into it too much,” she said. She also said she has zero “bad blood” with Kamala Harris, though, really, why would she? “I’m very much in the middle. I’m kind of like ‘It is what it is.’ They ran against each other – obviously I’m going to support my grandpa, my family member, but that’s pretty much it.”

This is all very sensible and sane. Cockburn wonders if he can drink whatever Kai Trump is drinking. Though he also wonders if a lot of this has to do with the fact that Kai will never have to worry about money, and that her immediate future involves joining the University of Miami golf team. In fact, her mother Vanessa is dating Tiger Woods, who gave her some advice ahead of her last-place finish in her first LPGA tour event in October.

“I mean, he is the best golfer in the entire world. I would say that. And even better person,” she said. “He told me to go out there and have fun and just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.”

What happened was Kai shot an 83, which is 13 above par and probably 30 strokes or more better than what Cockburn would have shot. She didn’t seem to care.

“It was pretty cool because I know I hit it far, but kind of playing with the best players in the world and being literally right there or even outdriving on some of the holes, it felt pretty good,” she said. “Felt like my game is in a good spot, and especially only being a senior in high school.”

Some people have it all. But Cockburn has no bad blood with Kai Trump. Her cheeks are rosy, her perspective sane, her future bright. Kai 2028.