Tightrope
‘Look, dear, he’s networking.’
The worst date ever
‘She’s got everything we never had: a two-hour commute, IVF treatment, divorce pending and an alcohol problem.’
‘Do we know any terrorists who could set up my Facebook account?’
‘It’s Movember.’
‘They’re great friends though one of them is definitely more dominant.’
Legal high
‘Do I call for an ambulance or a vet?’
‘Now I know I came in here for something…’
‘Oh I see. You must be the class straight man?’
‘Yes technically I’m a working dog. But well, you know, what with the current economy…’
‘Just think — they’ve never known a time when they weren’t being told to get off the internet!’
‘This is one of the most interesting scythes I’ve ever seen…’
‘I found this hidden in your marijuana.’