Drynuary
‘I’m getting in practice for the Chilcot report.’
‘We’ve narrowed it down to 60 million suspects.’
‘Apparently he’s in special operations.’
‘We’ve been sent a threatening letter!’
‘Jonathan loves Nordic crime drama so much he’s decided to become a serial killer.’
‘And that’s why he wants to blow up buildings...’
‘Well, I say thank God for plastic bags!’
‘I’ve been un-auld acquaintanced on Facebook.’
‘If you’re trying to give up, the secret is to make it difficult to have a drink.’
‘No more Mr Nice Guy.’
‘I’m an Olympic year.’
‘Isn’t it nice to all sit round the television as a family?’
‘It’s to compensate for his tiny carrot.’
‘You look really stupid with it on back to front.’
‘We decided not to name him in order to protect his identity.’
‘I know it’s really silly, but it makes people laugh.’